Terms being used much too loosely lately…

Terms being used much too loosely lately…

LifeChanger​(dom male) • Nov 23, 2021

Terms being used much too loosely lately here and elsewhere…

(1) Alpha Sub: How is “every” sub all of a sudden an alpha sub?

(2) Trophy Sub: Even worse, how is “every” sub all of a sudden a trophy sub?

(3) Brat: Missing manners, missing education, missing training might be a better description for some of these self-declared “brats”.

xo

squickplay • Nov 23, 2021

Hello LifeChanger,

I think it's for the same reason there are so many "alpha doms", "true doms", "call me sir"s around right now. The rise of BDSM in mainstream media has flooded the area with the kink curious. There's a wealth of information for individuals to scan through to see if there is one or more aspect of the lifestyle that appeals to them, however it's harder to find accurate representations and educational resources through a quick google search.

As you represent yourself to be experienced and a veteran to the lifestyle I don't know why you would take issue with these terms publicly instead of discussing your understanding and meaning of these terms with potential partners and maybe gently educating those who might not actually fit the traditional definition of said terms about what they mean in the community vs an internet search. This seems like an example of "call out culture" here where instead of addressing individual situations an entire group has been put forward as possibly misrepresenting themselves, and that makes me kinda sad.

I feel that the individuals who are referring to themselves as anything to do with dominants especially alpha, true, and daddy (without training or proper education) pose a much greater risk to the safety of individuals as well as the integrity of the lifestyle, and should be more the focus of experienced doms trying to keep the community an enjoyable place for everyone.

S

ObsidianOx​(dom male) • Nov 23, 2021

I can same the same thing in the terms of

Alpha male

Daddy

True Master/Slave

I personally try to think of “title” as more of a lose guide of an individual personality and intent in this lifestyle.

People don’t fit into perfect little boxes.

ObsidianOx​(dom male) • Nov 23, 2021

I can truly say I wasn’t trying to snipe you, But I just now read your profile and you check 2/3 terms. All I did was pick some antonyms from your post.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 23, 2021

I’m guessing a trophy submissive is similar to a trophy wife? I actually haven’t heard that term before.

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Nov 23, 2021

I have commented on this very subject in the past. The constant variation of new labels derived from it's original root. Yes it is maddening at times, but for me, maddening in the harm to those who fall prey to engaging without caution. Other than the romantic books that paint the promise of the same Cinderella story with a slight fun twist, or the factual and often boring snooze fest of the 'how to" books, there are very little resources (compared to mainstream) to even learn the basics. !8 yr old's calling themselves Masters and looking for a sub/slave to obey, accept and provide them pleasure with the POSSIBLY of long term?

But education is possible, even if limited and experience shared by others will hopefully help reduce what I see is simply man's need to be an individual and stand out as special. I personally have risked calling out these individuals, privately never in public, to educate and share what I know without saying they are wrong. I might suggest they re-word their profile to be less off putting because women his age or new, may be afraid of letting a stranger control them. Or that experienced subs might see you as inexperienced because of the wording. Often, in a way that makes them ask "what do you mean". I have had long conversations with many privately, not all but most.

We all crawled before we walked, and with encouragement some sooner than others. but the bottom line is, if a few are really wanting it, once in a while we should pull them aside and give them a direction to follow, if we can. It will always be good times for some and freedom and discovery for others. but no one learns by being made to feel stupid or rejected and not know why.

I would hope that given the chance we all would reach out and maybe just say, " Welcome and just a heads up, if you are serious, here's a book, podcast, place, event, additional website you should check out, etc." Its a great way to open up a discussion, especially when you make it clear, you are not available, looking or interested, just sharing since you are new. That first leap in was terrifying for me, but I had great people who helped me find my way. A few A-holes too but that's a whole other topic hahahaha

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 23, 2021

Kink, or is that role shaming much, someone is coming across a little hurt.

Those people get to define who and what they are, not you, or anyone else.

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Nov 23, 2021

The thing is books ,podcast and websites were all there before those people went looking for sites like this.
If said people are serious about BDSM they should of done their research not join sites like The cage looking for the cliff notes.

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Nov 23, 2021

I agree and that was my point about people being serious and some just not being aware. It is helpful for those who dont know how to begin and not get damged.

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Nov 23, 2021

Oh now dont get salty dollmaker, I dont care if the call themselves supreme being or jelly fish, im not trying to shame anyone but if you approach me as one thing yet confess it would be your first experience, im going to advise you to do some research or at least tell you the parts of what they may not know. All im saying is i learned a lot from the graciousness of others who took a moment to share what they knew and not tell me what I am.