any red flags

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 1, 2021

I'm sorry but I do *not* consider any form of kink to be a "game" with rules that translate from your own relationship to that of anyone else. You were made aware of the many red flags in your own post but it's clear you're deciding to pick and choose whatever advice (if ANY) you will actually heed. In the end, though I'm reminded of an old adage my great-grandpa once admonished me with - "it's YOUR little red wagon of your own creation so pull it without complaint".

Alfasun • Dec 1, 2021

well yes…the aim is to have fun, enjoy and play …so a game is the little wagon i pull …just trying to stay aware of the reg flags i’m working with..so than you for the time and words..

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 1, 2021

Alfasun wrote: "D\s is an adult game, everyone playing should always be aware of...that is the contradiction...agreeing to all the things
that would have us blinking four times never mind two...things that are uncomfortable...but saying..I see what you see, just wanted
to make sure I have not missed anything that I agree too...
so
Thank you"
...

You are extremely misinformed. Shockingly actually.

Clearly, you have not ventured into the real world of power exchange. Probably a good thing.

Had you led with this I would not have wasted the keystrokes.

Alfasun • Dec 1, 2021

a bit "hush" would you not say....either way I respect you what you have to say and I'm glad you did take the time....
much appreciated ...

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 2, 2021

Alfasun
1 hour ago • 12/01/2021 5:35 pm
a bit "hush" would you not say....either way I respect you what you have to say and I'm glad you did take the time....
much appreciated ...
...
My name isn't about not speaking my mind. And you aren't funny.

This evidences your confusion that this is a game.

Keep your disrespect to yourself.

Alfasun • Dec 2, 2021

will do!!

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 2, 2021

You've halfheartedly offered "thanks" to Hush for her taking her precious time to respond to your mission statement yet haven't mentioned what you actually took away from her very good advice. What DID you learn if anything, please?

Alfasun • Dec 2, 2021

the wanting and how to look at negative emotions...
i want a lot, i want attention, i want hugs, i want an immediate response, i want the best holidays together, i want the next holiday to be perfect before this holiday is over...the idea that that makes up the inner me , almost helps reduce the wanting itself...that i can keep wanting and it's a part of me and that is ok...i may get what i want, i may not get what i want but that's ok too..i can still want and communicate that or just keep it for me in being me...that was really good insight
i struggle with negativity, it can be overwhelming, driven by  a lot of fear too..i look for ways to understand and be better with it..the idea of looking to manage it over just trying to put it aside really spoke to me....

it's difficult not to offend or feel judged when you put something out , even in the D\s community but you have to take that comes and deal with. it...life is stressful, i like looking at love as a game we play and my chosen role in that that is as a submissive..that's all...
thank you for being kind...hope that answers your question...

LordofPain56 • Dec 5, 2021

I never thought of it as a game. It is life.
In a way, you may be answering your own question here in a roundabout way. Your prospective Dom SHOULD present you with a list or several lists including his character traits, personal habits (and vices if any), weekly routines, all type of environmental restrictions such as living arrangement, apartment or house, owned or rented, roommates, live-in children or part-timers, etc. Include sexual proclivities/BDSM requirements, a list of deal-breakers, long-term plans (vanilla and BDSM). Finally there should be some type of financial disclosure (although, not necessarily include dollar and cent amounts, but should indicate how deep he is in hock to the credit world). In my old profile (not on this website) I also included a narrative indicating how my girl would be interacted with on a day-to-day basis.
Now, you read all through his submittal and write down the things he wrote that you have questions about or have issues with. You may have found a deal-breaker in there somewhere. All these need to be discussed and agreed upon PRIOR to beginning a relationship.
I believe that YOU should submit a list of your own to submit to him for the same reason.
I believe that VANILLA folks should do the same thing in their search for a prospective partner, but alas, no one does. That may be why so many relationships fail. They didn't know each other as well as they thought they did.
To bad it seems like a job application, but if you want long-term happiness, best to do the homework first.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 5, 2021

Alfasun

'i want a lot, i want attention, i want hugs, i want an immediate response, i want the best holidays together, i want the next holiday to be perfect before this holiday is over...the idea that that makes up the inner me , almost helps reduce the wanting itself...that i can keep wanting and it's a part of me and that is ok...i may get what i want, i may not get what i want but that's ok too..i can still want and communicate that or just keep it for me in being me...that was really good insight"

(So you roll up on this site and maybe read a little, google a little and decide that this is a great way for narcissists who compensate by belittling what others do in this lifestyle and reduce it to a silly little game. That IS always a great intro when you don't know who or what you're dealing with.

These are basic human wants and needs. They have nothing to do with what we do here. They may be a happy byproduct of it, but we go much deeper than you apparently comprehend.)

...
"i struggle with negativity, it can be overwhelming, driven by a lot of fear too..i look for ways to understand and be better with it..the idea of looking to manage it over just trying to put it aside really spoke to me...."

(Get therapy. This lifestyle won't reduce challenges, but it sure would inflate them. So, seriously, get therapy and improve yourself. Your wants will never reach you otherwise. That isn't how life works.)
...
"it's difficult not to offend or feel judged when you put something out , even in the D\s community but you have to take that comes and deal with."

(It is difficult not to offend people when you post offensive words about something you know almost nothing about. People are always offended when random strangers show up and act as you have and I am pretty sure you have done this before which feeds into your negativity. You have work to do. We can't do it for you.)
...
"it...life is stressful, i like looking at love as a game we play and my chosen role in that that is as a submissive..that's all...thank you for being kind...hope that answers your question..."

(There was NO question based on your obvious lack of knowledge. I pegged you at the first post as someone clueless and guessing. I suspect you posted all that in the hope that we would respond in ways that add to your limited knowledge base. It's been done before. One simple question or outrageous statement is nothing more than a manipulation on the part of the poster to garner more info the easy way.

For the last time. Playing a game is not the way to see what authentic submissive and dominant people do. Some may play at things in this life just as others play at their jobs or other relationships. However, many of us are not playing.

You would do well to drop that word from your posts. Unless you like being seen as a child with no respect or idea about what they speak of. That won't help your negativity. Nor will you get any closer to achieving your wants list.)

H