What is BDSM/kink to you?

What is BDSM/kink to you?

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Nov 28, 2021

I am trying to reinvigorate the Forum with some new topics. I am not familiar with posing questions so I hope they are suitable and somewhat engaging or informative.

We all have various reasons for being here and travelling the path we are on. I have some questions about your interest and direction. Feel free to answer only the questions that appeal or all of them - it's up to you.

What attracted you to BDSM/kink? Or did you stumble upon this world?

How do you see BDSM/kink in your life? How does it fulfil your needs and desires?

What is your direction or aspirations moving forward?

What has been most successful in attaining your desires and needs?

Is online participation getting you what you want? If you practice IRL, what has really worked for you in terms of community engagement? Which do you prefer? Or how are they different?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Nov 28, 2021

To me "kink" is just a blanket term for individual, usually sexual/sexualized need/desire that doesn't fit the cultural 'norm.' I found this at etymology online:
kink (n.)
1670s, "knot-like contraction or short twist in a rope, thread, hair, etc., originally a nautical term, from Dutch kink "twist in a rope" (also found in French and Swedish), which is probably related to Old Norse kikna "to bend backwards, sink at the knees" as if under a burden" (see kick (v.)). Figurative sense of "odd notion, mental twist, whim" first recorded in American English, 1803, in writings of Thomas Jefferson; specifically "a sexual perversion, fetish, paraphilia" is by 1973 (by 1965 as "sexually abnormal person").

i think it's important to include etymological and cultural use, intepretation of terms. What's normal to us is considered perverted by others. Yet the opposite is not usually the case. i.e, even though 'the norm' is different from how we may be, we do not typically judge the norm as "perverted."

The acceptance of an identifier, like "kink," that has negative association reminds me of how many started using the identifier "queer" awhile back as a sort of in your face response to being treated as perverse and less than because of being gay.

For me, anyone saying i am "kinky" is a way of identifying that they are outside 'the norm." i see it as a very general term, a label on a container that needs to be opened to discover the contents.

i didn't stumble on being kinky, nor was i attracted to 'it.' "It" is who and how i am. i did stumble for a long time over cultural notions that who and how a kinky person is something to be cured of or ashamed of, but not anymore.

Online places like The Cage, for me, represent a gathering place where i can meet other people outside the norm, people like me, or not. But generally different people who have figured out that being different doesn't disqualify one from things like acceptance, affirmation, love.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Nov 29, 2021

Rather than write an extensive response, I have put my story on my blog. Here is the link:

https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=119821

My post explains the first question and why I posed it as such.

Miki • Dec 3, 2021

I keep it simple. For me it's sexual. I get off much harder when pain/humiliation, etc is involved. Just how i roll. But I do it "plain" sometimes as well--- when I'm out there, that is.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 3, 2021

I'll never need lube if there's a whip involved

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Dec 3, 2021

What attracted me to BDSM...

A Harness

Pretty simple.. I was not unaware of this lifestyle. I grew up in NYC. I hung in the village as a kid and went to the clubs, had friends who lived it. I didn't watch a movie or porn to learn of it, or get excited by it. no erotic book that set my craving. Nope, just a simple harness. I remember the first time seeing one in a fashion trendy designer ad, thinking what a cute outfit. So i bought one to wear over a blouse.

That changed everything for me. I loved the way it felt, smelled, made me feel. I wanted to feel it on my skin, so i tried it without the shirt. I felt incredibly sexy and discovered a love for bondage wear. Strappy strips of anything that wrapped itself around intimate parts of my body, or corsets pulling me in, stockings and heels with a seam running up the back and how intense it made intimacy.

Cuffs became bracelets, collars a sexy necklace, it grew from there. It led to the open invitation of that first hard smack on my ass. The discovery that I needed that impact. That without it the look was incomplete. Sex was secondary without it. The feel of that leather bruising my skin to match its color was the orgasm, Not some actor on a screen licking his finger and hacking at some woman's vagina. Once tasted, it was the feel of leather against my bare skin that invited me into this life, not anything seen, read, talked about or movie watched convinced me the way that initial impact did.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Dec 3, 2021

**What attracted you to BDSM/kink? Or did you stumble upon this world?
- I have no idea. It is just what satisfies my personality I guess? I did stumble upon the online community though because prior to being introduced by a sub I had I didn't know such a thing existed.

**How do you see BDSM/kink in your life? How does it fulfil your needs and desires?
- We all think about relationships every day, we all think about personal interactions every day, we all thing about sex every day. I tend to see these things through a D/s lens even in situations where it would be highly inappropriate to act on it, like work, school, etc.
Most times when I see a woman I find attractive somehow my mind goes right to "I wonder what she would look like on her knees wearing a collar?" Obviously I have never asked that type of thing to I didn't know.

**What is your direction or aspirations moving forward?
- To find the perfect dynamic/relationship of my dreams. and to have as much kinky fun as possible along the way.
Isn't that what we all want?

**What has been most successful in attaining your desires and needs?
- Joining bdsm websites like Cage and FL and meeting people there. Speaking with and reading blogs written by those people. Networking at munches, learning from demonstrations and events. Trial and error. And just as with any relationship - learning from my partner(s.)

**Is online participation getting you what you want? If you practice IRL, what has really worked for you in terms of community engagement? Which do you prefer? Or how are they different?
- That's a lot of questions hahaha!
Given my current personal circumstances it is difficult, even nearly impossible to do a lot of in-person stuff. And I have had some very satisfying online dynamics. And I definitely love playing online. So for the present it is getting me what I want.
Depending on the dynamic there are a million ways that it can be different, but in all cases the most notable must be the actual physical contact.
However I think most of us would much prefer in-person 100% of the time.

cynthiajoy • Dec 4, 2021

For me my reasons for being here is that it feels good. In fact bdsm creates feelings that i enjoy. Sure it is about the sex or sexual, but the biggest part of it is the mental part, the part that another can create in my mind. i will follow this women.

i stumbled into bdsm without even knowing what it was. A hookup turned me on to the power exchange. Submitting to another was new and exciting.
i am hooked on my version of bdsm so much that i can never have a relationship again where i am an equal partner.
Going forward i seek, daily, the one that wants to be adored and served.

Online is only a way to make first contact. Some may enjoy that, but i will never settle for cyber because it doesn't meet my needs.
Sounds funny to say that when my needs are to be in control by another and meet their needs,.

IronWorld​(sadist male) • Dec 4, 2021

Kink, like art, is where you find it. For the longest time, I couldn't walk through a Home Depot without getting an erection.

Made pointing the way to other shoppers a fun time.

"Right down that way. Can't miss it."

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Dec 5, 2021

Finding art by having an experience of art? Is this what you mean? Discovering art, or kink, on a deep level through an emotional, physical or mental response that arouses the desire to have more... And more... And more...

It can become very ingrained in the spiritual/mental and representations of identity. Once associations are formed, it's primary to one's sexual pleasure, expression and sense of belonging.