Play Party - first time?

Play Party - first time?

glasshouse • Dec 2, 2021

There’s another thread going on about play parties but would like clarification on some of the etiquette/first time expectations that wasn’t already answered, so here it goes.. I’m considering going to a local event but am new to the scene. I’m 30s f and exploring my role as a /s (although am realizing there’s more facets of myself in kink than this alone) I don’t have many friends locally so going with another person is out of the question. Would it be smarter to wait to go to play parties until I’ve made more friends, or Is okay to go alone as long as you’re clear on limits boundaries prior? A friend of mine mentioned bracelets with different colors indicating levels of activity your wanting to participate in, and stamps if it’s your first time there, etc. wondering if this is generally universal or varies from venues. To be more specific, the event I’m interested in has activities on my green list but also is showcasing an activity that is a hard limit for me. I feel confident in my limits and voicing them but is there Any way to look less like fresh meat, or better to wait until making more friends locally to go with?

NoClvrNickname​(sub female) • Dec 2, 2021

Can you contact the event’s organizer(s)? Tell them your situation and see what they say. They’ll know more about how their particular events are run and who all attends etc and should be able to offer some guidance. They may also be able to keep an eye on you and do frequent check-ins throughout the evening to make sure you’re doing okay and that there’s nothing that needs to be addressed.

Personally I don’t know that I would have felt comfortable going to an event on my own originally but now, I would be okay (in terms of feeling safe etc) going to my favorite venue by myself. No desire to go without my Sir, but theoretically I mean, wouldn’t feel at risk or out of place at all.

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 3, 2021

Being "new to the scene" is bound to cause some "butterflies". As written above, do try and contact the event's organizer(s). Tell them your situation, and in addition to "keeping an eye on you" to help you feel safer, they also might be able to tell you whether their event is suitable for "beginners" or not. Some of those can be "out there" if you know what I mean.

But also your own idea of waiting a bit to get more friends who are into this stuff is not a bad idea even if just for comfort's sake.
I was into those some time ago but haven't been out much at all of late, partly due to COVID, I've also slowed down of late due to running more cold than hot.

I'm not "off the radar" completely but having been to a number of those... functions... I've gotten a bit jaded and need a break.

Good luck, though! Nothing like finding the "right" play-party!

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 11, 2021

I would say go nowhere before you are clear on how to assert your boundaries. The advice above is good, but you must be confident in yourself and what you will and won't allow.

You say you don't know many but have "under consideration" in your profile which usually means you and a Dominant are talking and have decided to consider getting into a relationship. So that is confusing to me.

...

The New Meat syndrome is at any new event vanilla or kink. So it all boils down to your controlling your safety and comfort.

Have a way to get there and leave on your own. Don't carpool with strangers
People will ask about your preferences and interests but you don't have to answer to them.

Do not drink alcohol or smoke anything. Only drink what you poured yourself. It may be overkill but until you know who there can be trusted you should be careful.

Saying that you are new and inexperienced can be like chum in the water to unsavory, opportunistic types. Consider saying something like, "new to parties and taking my time."
If they persist, you can say something like "I am so lucky to have a group of experienced real-time local submissives that support me"
Either way, personal questions may be asked but you are not required to answer.

Step away from and go to the organizer if others push you or make you feel uncomfortable.

You might be tempted to engage in light play but if you don't have negotiation skills (This is ok, I will not do that, These are my safewords, etc) you may just want to watch.

Watching someone play with another before you play with them is a good rule. That way you can see how they act if they are showing off for the room or paying attention to the bottom etc.

Party rules are set by the owner, which is not to say that some owners break their own rules.

There are safe call groups all over the US. You can search your state on fetlife and see if there is one nea you. They are set up for those who don't know that many other people. Someone should know where you are going to be, and when you leave. They often chceck in with you at some point and probably have a lot of good advice for this new experience.

I know this is a lot but no one needs to advise you on how to be happy and safe, just how to create and maintain it.

Good luck.

H*

Zvengali • Dec 11, 2021

Sometimes I think its a better idea to ask a bunch of people on a GreyHound bus to Chicago, than to get a decent answer to a question here. Especially those who have been in this lifestyle a while, and those new......Yeah...Definitely a bus is much better. Colored bracelets ?? OMG

dollMaker​(dom male) • Dec 11, 2021

Seems you just enjoy trolling threads.

Coloured bracelets is a new spin on hankie code signalling. Its far from universal, but coloured bracelets is an attempt to keep people safe, and hopefully they can avoid some of the crap that goes on at in person events. Of course people being people its likely some will ignore such a system. I wonder would you be taking the piss out of Leather men who invented and used the hankie code, elements of which still exist today albeit repurposed for the times we are in now.

To the OP my advice is talk to the organiser, there are some basic things that you will find at all in person events, but each event will also have its own rules and ideas, things to follow. So ask them. If this a party at a dungeon, organised by a community group it should be reasonably safe to go on your own, but if its a private party in someones home, I would not go on your own. Those tend to be more risky places to go, even if one is experienced.

A few minutes googling will lead you to general articles about kink event, party etiquette.

Here is a reasonably good guide to get you started https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/bdsm-rules-etiquette-social-events/

Zvengali • Dec 11, 2021

[quote="dollMaker"]

Seems you just enjoy trolling threads.

Coloured bracelets is a new spin on hankie code signalling. Its far from universal, but coloured bracelets is an attempt to keep people safe, and hopefully they can avoid some of the crap that goes on at in person events. Of course people being people its likely some will ignore such a system. I wonder would you be taking the piss out of Leather men who invented and used the hankie code, elements of which still exist today albeit repurposed for the times we are in now.

To the OP my advice is talk to the organiser, there are some basic things that you will find at all in person events, but each event will also have its own rules and ideas, things to follow. So ask them. If this a party at a dungeon, organised by a community group it should be reasonably safe to go on your own, but if its a private party in someones home, I would not go on your own. Those tend to be more risky places to go, even if one is experienced.

A few minutes googling will lead you to general articles about kink event, party etiquette.
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......All you have tell someone is to ...BE SAFE....BE CAREFUL....USE YOUR HEAD...AND FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS.....If you dont follow that advice....Then you get what you get....How hard is that......Colored Bracelets ??? .....OMG.... Jeepers I wonder how many threads your name is on 504 of them....hmmm Troll/know-it-all...same same eh

lustylust​(dom female) • Dec 13, 2021

Hello , is there anyone who is a new dom ?