Advice

Advice

Inveniam Viam​(dom male) • Aug 2, 2018

Just looking for your thoughts

My wife and I have been together for 20 years and we have young kids. In the last couple years we started experimenting with bdsm to shake things up a little. She likes to be the sub and me the Dom. We both have enjoyed it a lot and have had more amazing sex than ever before. Lately she's expressed some interest in opening things up to others. To experience bdsm with others who are very experienced. I've never thought of doing something like this although I'll admit that it's very intriguing. I do have strong reservations. I've never thought about allowing her to play with others and I worry about how it could affect our family which is very strong. Would I be jealous? Could I actually tolerate the thought of her with someone else short term or long term. Maybe, but right now I'm feeling that I'm not sure we should risk it. On the other hand, would she have resentment towards me that could hurt our marriage if I forbade her? I like the idea of constantly evolving our relationship, but feel this step may be a little too far.

Has anyone else been through anything similar and how has it turned out? Any advice?

Apryllrain​(masochist female) • Aug 2, 2018

Carlito,

Sharing isn't for everyone, if either of you are inclined to jealousy, you'll want to have a long talk about boundaries you feel comfortable with. If you still want to try, maybe only do each other around others until you ready to plunge in...or step away...

Good luck,

Apryll

Sybil • Aug 2, 2018

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have dealt with this in a past relationship. Unfortunately for me it didn’t work out we end up breaking up largely because we just wanted different things. I’m very possessive and can come across overly jealous sometimes. So sharing to a degrees was not an option for me... if it something you truly don’t want don’t force yourself into doing it. Communication Is important set rules and boundaries... start small if possible then work your way up if it something you are willing to do.

But remember is okay if it something you don’t want the last thing you want to do is go down a rode that’s hard to make a u-turn and you can’t go back.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Aug 2, 2018

I think a good next step is for both of you to explore local events in the BDSM community. Munches are non sexual, non play, but great for meeting other folks who have gone through what you're going through and made it work. Classes and demonstration nights are also an option. Your wife could experience play in a safe public setting with no romantic attachment, and even if you both decide that's a step too far for now (her volunteering for a demo) then at least you would both learn new information and techniques that you could take back to the bedroom.

You're doing great so far, asking the right questions and thinking about your reactions. If communication, respect and trust are strong and stable in your relationship, it'll all work out.

Best of luck and keep thinking, talking and learning until you both find the balance that works. ☺

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Aug 2, 2018

Well congrats for staying so long together! It proves you have some solid fondation for maybe that kind of experiment.
You need to be strong and very confident to try it out. As a Dom you need to show this confidence, I guess you are talking about involving another top?
I would suggest contacting some experienced kinksters in that kind of practice, some who’s done it before as it will avoid any drama.
Also you could start the test without any sex involved and progressively added to it as you grow confidence
But it looks like you need to talk a lots with your wife first about it about your concern.

Inveniam Viam​(dom male) • Aug 3, 2018

Thank you all. This is all very helpful. If we go down this road, we will move slowly and with caution. Thanks again!