Terminology and getting started

Terminology and getting started

Open Minded Pleasure • Jan 13, 2022

Hi there.

I’ve been visiting this site off-and-on for over a year. I pretty much feel like a voyeur because I don’t really engage much – I just read other people’s posts. I think the reason is, I don’t necessarily know the terminology and have seen some people on here saying they felt unwelcome after saying the wrong things.

I hope I’m approaching this the right way. I’m looking for like-minded people to talk about kinks and fetishes with. I’m not looking to meet. I just want to explore ideas, as I don’t really even know how to categorize what I’m into.

Basically, here’s who I am:

I’m a middle-aged guy who’s enjoyed being in relationships with dominant women. I love strap-on play and the idea of having sex with a man while being directed by a woman I have feelings for. I’m not into being with just a man or being a couple’s third – I’ve tried and it just doesn’t do it for me.

Can you relate to this? I'm looking forward to some good conversation.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jan 14, 2022

Hello and welcome!

Yes, the terminology CAN be a bit confusing, probably because they can sometimes have different emotional conitations from person to person. It's ok since dynamics/relationships are individual. We aren't cookie cutters of each other so neither are our relationships and the "rules" within those relationships.

Two words that come to mind of what you describe are "submissive male" (your role and your gender) and "Service Top" (your kink).

Being a Service Top (to my understanding) can be a confusing concept. The main question (misconception) being "does being a service too mean I'm a dominant?". In *MY* opinion, the answer is no. It just means that you are taking on the role of a dominant at the request of someone else. Here is a vanilla example: you go and get a massage. You make a request for the type of massage you want and as the session progresses, you direct "harder/softer/focus there"...that type of thing. The person giving the massage is in the role of "service top" but really, you (the receiver)are the one in control.

There may be other words for your kink when it comes to how you interact with other males at her direction, but others will have to guide you. It's out of my sphere of knowledge.

I hope you find the answers you seek. Good luck!

Open Minded Pleasure • Jan 14, 2022

Thank you. for your response!

I've never heard the term "service top" before. That's interesting and very appealing to me. I don't know if that's what/who I am exactly, but that might also be because of my aversion for being labelled at all. The massage scenario (taken to the next level and not being vanilla) is definitely the kind of thing that turns me on.

To be honest, I haven't been in a scenario like this yet. I was in a relationship with a dominant woman who was prepping me for it a few years ago, but I had second thoughts and backed out. For her there seemed to be an element of humiliation to it, which scared me off a bit. Sometimes I feel like I made the right call, and other times I wish I had at least tried.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jan 14, 2022

It is always best to listen to your gut. It'll pick up on body language before we do. The scene you were being trained for very well may have had a humiliation factor to it and while some people do get off on humiliation and degredation play, others do not. I don't.

And THATS OK.

Open Minded Pleasure • Jan 14, 2022

Thanks for saying that. It makes me feel better. I have no judgements against humiliation and degradation, if that's what someone is into - but I know it's not for me. Open communication must be the way to go, right? It's not always easy to achieve though. My gut told me she wouldn't accept I wasn't into that, based on some comments and body language.