INSTA._________ WTF???

This is insightful to me.

i identify as "total bottom with some sub," but i am not also a responsible adult. It can be tricky, because i also have 'boy' and 'gurl' in me. i realize that i (and people in general) can be multidimensional, that one dimension doesn't necessarily preclude another. To me, one of the markers of an "insta" is their self absorption and exploitative energy and approach. To me, "insta" is not relational, but exploitative and can happen with anyone. i've witnessed both labels, dom or sub, being employed as a means to exploit.
To me, if a person does not have enough adult in them to carry their own weight, bring balance to a relationship in a symbiotic sense, they are not relationship equipped or ready. To me, "insta" sorta means "not ready for prime time."

Meant to say “i am also a responsible adult” lol

@Morley(for specific answer)



Morley, I don't equate the two for a couple of reasons. For submissives, I think more along the lines of collar bunny (similar to a badge bunny). One could, in theory, call these same subs 'insta subs", in that they have no knowledge of what they want or need but 'instantly' jump into a collar. But I also see it differently. A sub is less 'give me because I am and say so', and more of 'what do I do to please you' mentality.

Thank you @Master Fyre, what a great explanation!

Snipped for brevity
I've found it to be not at all uncommon to encounter women who have resorted to BDSM to get their needs met. I've lost track of the number I've met in real life and they're even more abundant online. Some women are drawn to what they see as the "romance" of having a man put his entire focus on them.

They relish the idea of sitting back and allowing a man to make the day to day decisions - it's a load off their shoulders. They delight in having a man care so much about them that he holds them to a schedule he sets - but that's most often an itinerary that meets her own approval - they feel cherished to have a man care enough to supervise their meals, bedtimes, wardrobes, extracurricular activities, etc.

They gush over the open communications they're indulged in by doms and that no "vanilla" man is willing or able to provide so much support and sustenance as the dom they just snagged. They're generally willing to make a token effort to call him "sir", give regular blowjobs and even "endure" an occasional light impact play session as their contribution to the dynamic. To them, the benefits are sufficient to tolerate those minor inconveniences.

I've been in this lifestyle over 25 years and these types are not at all an insignificant number - not in my own personal experience that is.

I think another term might be more appropriate here: time-vampire. These types, dom, dome, and sub who come across like this have demonstrated to me, at least, no sense of worth, and so expect to be coddled forever, with no expectations of their ever needing to lift a finger in response. Very frustrating to deal with, totally without expected return of emotional investment on their part, is how I've learned about these persons. I do my best to eliminate their influence on my time as soon as I spot them.

Great discussion that explains the variations in belief and nuances of the terms used.
In terms of WWs description of 'insta subs' to which I agree, I have noticed a language of 'but that's what men want, isn't it?' like there is a formula to complete the narrative in a fast-tracked 2 years or with the first that says nice words (I admit I am guilty of 'falling in love' after a few compliments).
Expectation, entitlement and instant gratification would be my definition of 'insta'