After a long hiatus.

After a long hiatus.

kyubii​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2022

After six year of non activity in the kink community, I want to step back in. I have been listening to podcasts and talking groups and such, but had little contact from people in the kink scene. My wife and I took a step back to focus on the vanilla aspect of our lives (getting, finding a home to call ours). We had plan to get back in soon but some personal thing push it back more. Then covid completely changed the landscape of kink events making it difficult to find any worth tending. I feel like I have no clue what I am doing again. Before I enjoyed the smaller play parties for their intimate setting. You could get to know people much easier. Now I don't think they are happening anymore (they all seemed to change into sex parties only). A lot if big events, like The Avairy in Philly seemed like a cafeteria in high school. Everyone had their own clicks and it hard to get anyone to talk to you.

Anyone else have these feeling? Have you had trouble adjusting to the "new normal"? I'd love to know if anyone is in the same boat.

Steellover​(sub male) • Feb 22, 2022

I have never attended a BDSM-themed public event, for many of the same reasons you mention and more: I don't really know anyone in the local "Scene" and I don't know how welcome I would feel if I showed up at a "munch" or other public gathering without really having any such prior connections. Plus, many of the people there might look down on me for being male and identifying as submissive. Where I live, there really wasn't much of a scene that ever had any such events, and the only local BDSM group I was aware of was pretty tight-knit and catered mainly to the traditional male-dom/female sub dynamic.

And it has been extremely hard enough, just to find non-kink events, fairs, festivals, and other fun things to do around here, with things constantly being cancelled left and right. These last 2 years have been for the most part, lonely and isolating for me and a lot of other people.

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 22, 2022

I never really went to any "kink-based" public events even before COVID-- well not since the very beginning I guess. Hard to say. They were mostly events like bars or clubs where there were some twisted people present.

As for "nowadays"-- I don't go out to social settings anyway.. Best to avoid this shit (covid) and there do seem tom be few if any such things in the areas I am in most often./ But bars and clubs are still somewhat active. Just not in the mood.

As form navigating the "new normal"-- give it time. If no other big time variants crop up it'll gradually return to a lot like it was. People are sick of this covid shit.. have been for some time.

But when you do find a spot, the faces and the themes will be different. Best I can say is what you're looking for would most likely pop up when you're not particularly looking. Kind of cliché, yeah, but always seems to work out that way.

Good luck-- hang in there!

scarlet rose • Feb 22, 2022

I can completely relate to what you are saying.

I would put for your consideration, not to see "finding a home" as vanilla. That is an awesome life event and milestone.

Pre-covid I was in a different head space and was heavily into the community. When covid happened it caused me to address things that were in side of me resulting in a change in perspective in the kink community.

Al I can say for you, is our needs change. Your excitement may differ, it may not simply include christening every single room of your new home, or it could be saying screw it to the new home and having fun in an rv with different views.

Excitement is different for each person, for different parts in their life. There is nothing wrong with it!

If it s one thing this community showed me, its the importance of having those conversations.

kyubii​(dom male) • Feb 24, 2022

[quote="Steellover"]I don't really know anyone in the local "Scene" and I don't know how welcome I would feel if I showed up at a "munch" or other public gathering without really having any such prior connections.[ /quote]

For munches I recommend getting in contact with the person that's is hosting the event. Let them know how you are new to the public kink community. If they're good at it they will take you under their wing and maybe introduce you to people to help you feel welcome. But then again that also depends how big the munch is too.