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Spearance • Mar 13, 2022

I am new at this I have alot of question about being a Dom. I keep looking through the post and magazines but it is not helping. My questions are when you have a family where does the Dom sub stop. Like I get a sub should want to please you and Dom take on alot of responsibility but in a house with kids should we still split the role and how do you switch between roles and know when to. I get it is trial error with a lot if reading

Mufasadagreat • Mar 13, 2022

The only true answer to your questions is to sit down and discussing that with your sub. A dynamic isn’t a one size fit all type of thing.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Mar 13, 2022

Great response by esdagreat above. I would add it doesn't necessarily stop. The dynamic is always there as an underlying facet of respect; you just may not present it openly for all to see.

Growing up, my father was definitely the Dominant and my mother the submissive. Roles they discussed and entered into early on. My father worked and my mother tended the home and raised the children until my father returned home. Then they did everything together. There was an even split of outside and inside work. My father did the heavy lifting outside and inside work. As an engineer, he could fix anything in the house. My mother was the homemaker and made sure it was clean and neat. And at the end of the day after dinner, they sat together on the couch while the kids played.

Do not split between roles. If you are the Dominant, you are always the Dominant. You do her a disservice by putting that role on her, and it causes confusion to the children. But discuss what needs your attention, her attention, and your combined attention.

Best of luck and don't hesitate to reach out to other Dominants. Read their blogs and ask questions of them.

Spearance • Mar 13, 2022

I have been thank you

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 13, 2022

Depends on your dynamic. My M/s is 24/7 while others leave it at the door or it stops only around vanillas.

Brandallofu​(dom male) • Mar 14, 2022

These guys are definitely nailing the answers and everything I would say has already been said with one exception that is particular to me and usually not most people? I wanted a kid all my life and when I was married we had seven and they all died for different reasons at different times. That crushed the marriage and after ten years it was done. A year later I met my next slave, together five years and had a kid. Before the kid, our house was INSANE. The things we were doing, the guests, the parties, the munches and on and on. When the kid was born, the one I'd always wanted but couldn't have, I led us to the decision to stop BDSM altogether for a few years because I didn't want that energy, that mentality of aggressive play and dungeons and beatings and racks and all that stuff that goes on when your home is more of a launching pad than a place for an innocent.
I dont think most people would put away their toys for their kids sake and most don't have to. We definitely HAD to and it turned out to be the right thing to do.

Said all that to say, In my mind, with kids around, you have to be aware of the energy you're bringing into your house. Like the guys above me say, you have to include your partner in your decision for how you lead the family from there.

Good post. I'm glad to hear these things are on your mind.

Zelia • Mar 14, 2022

I don’t know anyone who leaves their toys out around their kids…
In terms of D/s at home with children and roles in terms of who does what in the house that’s down to negotiation and I expect that the usual factors would be taken into account; time available, responsibilities outside the house, strengths and weaknesses. In terms of ‘play’ being mindful of minors is just the same as any relationship.

Bunnie • Mar 14, 2022

Some relationship styles that may be of interest to give you some ideas to Google and look into:

• HoH (Head of Household)
• Taken in Hand (has a religious aspect to it, however, the context in which I’m sharing is for the structural example of the relationship style)
• 1950’s Household.

Spearance • Mar 14, 2022

My toys are kept private. We have a more modern relationship because we work different shifts we have to share the work load. She takes kids to school in morning picks up ect. I pick up cook dinner help with home work laundry all that. Do you guys think that can affect the way a sub see the Dom or is that just natural.

Bunnie • Mar 14, 2022

Well the foundational concept of BDSM relationships are power exchange, or more accurately, power imbalance, so it’s important to determine where and how that will exist within your relationship if you want to call it “Dom/sub.”
If you want to add some spice (kink) to your bedroom, you don’t need labels to do that.