A Poly/Mono Relationship

MasterDeacon​(dom male) • Apr 25, 2022

A little update is that I had a conversation with my partner regarding the mono/poly standing. They had brought up multiple times leading up to know how that they wouldn't mind if I took another partner, however I have then as always stated "I don't want nor need anyone but you."

Well there came a conversation where I asked if they were feeling guilty about me being mono and only focused on her while she was being poly and taking on partners. The response I got was a very angry "I'm done with this conversation." I asked because of how often they kept repeating the offer of me taking another partner.

I just don't know what to think anymore. That kind of reaction makes me think they are feeling guilty, but refuses to admit it even to themselves.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Apr 25, 2022

You're clearly struggling with all of these "asks" you're expected to accommodate, but you aren't to the point of wanting to wash your hands and move on to a relationship that might be less turbulent and demanding. You've bent over backwards yet nothing has been resolved . I'd like to think you can find some kind of calm and serenity in whatever direction you move in going forward but that's really all anyone else can say to you at this point I think.

Zelia • Apr 25, 2022

Perhaps they do, it’s inconsequential. What matters to You is how You feel. Is the dynamic bringing You what You need, does it make You happy or does it make You anxious and confused?

I would base my choices going forwards, on answers to those questions. Wishing You luck and happiness.

Bunnie • Apr 25, 2022

@MasterDeacon,

No one else can make this decision for you. Many times we see people here in a struggle of not knowing what to do and hoping there can simply be a magic fix-all that allows things to be resolved without the discomfort of having to be uncomfortable in our discussions and decisions. Oftentimes too it can seem like they’re seeking others to tell them what to do so that they don’t have to be the one to make that choice. It’s always good to reflect on these things when we post, I think. I always try to ask myself, am I seeking advice, or am I wanting someone else to make my difficult decisions for me because I just don’t want to? If I just don’t want to make the decision, I ask myself why. Do I not want to be the bad guy? Am I scared of not finding someone again? Etc etc. There can be many fears that may prevent us from being vulnerable. I have come to learn that in life, if we want to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, part of that is sometimes having to be vulnerable. Sucks, I know.

The really difficult part though is always determining how to know ‘when to hold, when to fold, when to walk away, or when to run.’ Sometimes when we’re stuck in a situation that just seems impossible to see a way around, I think it can help to try to take a step back and look from a different angle.
If a friend came to you and explained all of this about their relationship and how they were feeling, what advice would you be inclined to give them? Sometimes that can help to bring clarity to, for whatever reasons, what we may not be willing to looking at for ourselves.

Aquagirl​(sub female) • Apr 26, 2022

I discovered (admitted) I was poly after years in my monogamous marriage. And it happened all quite organically. Without going into the entire story of how I was given permission to have sex with others. I made a declaration to my husband, that if this is tearing us apart, I will quit, I'll let it go because our We is more important. But the thing is, I ask for his blessing and I send photos and a video, that's part of his kink. I just love to love more than one person. But he is my number one.
My Sir gives me something I cannot get from anyone else, and I serve him in a special way that gives me great pleasure and him. I agree with someone else who said, it all has to be talked about and I think it has to be fair, so everyone's needs get met. It is ok to be selfish and get your needs met.