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Seeking Advice: Sub Drop

FlipSide1481​(dom male)
1 week ago • 05/12/2022 7:00 pm
FlipSide1481​(dom male) • 05/12/2022 7:00 pm
JustAlice wrote:
...The performance that matters is how it’s dealt with.

This exactly and said much better then my bumbling.
Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
1 week ago • 05/12/2022 7:09 pm
Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • 05/12/2022 7:09 pm
FlipSide1481 wrote:
This exactly and said much better then my bumbling.
Yes. But that right there is a "drop" in itself. The dominant dropped the ball on the required aftercare from what I'm reading having been expressed by the OP. 🤷🏼
fluffypoppet​(sub female){Taken}
1 week ago • 05/12/2022 7:28 pm
fluffypoppet​(sub female){Taken} • 05/12/2022 7:28 pm
Spellbound Wytch wrote:
FlipSide1481 wrote:
This exactly and said much better then my bumbling.
Yes. But that right there is a "drop" in itself. The dominant dropped the ball on the required aftercare from what I'm reading having been expressed by the OP. 🤷🏼


Hi,

He didn’t drop the ball… I still dropped hard though.

- He identified the issue and gave me information about it. (Understanding is important to me and he knows that.)
- He has been in nearly constant contact- but that’s pretty much the norm for us. (I thrive with his attention and he knows that too.)
- He recommended focusing on self care and going easy on myself. (He even gave me suggestions,- things he knows I love.)
- He has also repeatedly urged me to connect with other subs that may be able to give me advice he can’t or a new perspective.
fluffypoppet​(sub female){Taken}
1 week ago • 05/12/2022 7:32 pm
fluffypoppet​(sub female){Taken} • 05/12/2022 7:32 pm
Heero wrote:
Ultimately, subdrop occurs because of hormonal imbalances/receptor overloads, so how to prevent them or predict when they would occur is very individualistic. However, generally we know where it comes from and some things that can help.

Here is an article that explains sub-drop in deliberately over-simplied terms: https://medium.com/through-the-eye-of-the-prism/experiencing-sub-drop-53c6c8d3c6dc It also gives some tips for managing it when it occurs.

Here is another article throwing out some ideas for managing sub-drop: https://coffeeandkink.me/2017/10/23/subdrop/

Generally, I think these tips can work even if you're just feeling down.

Fuzzy blankets and cuddles can help icon_smile.gif

For your questions:
- what’s the first indicator for you that you’re gonna drop? Is it consistent from time to time?
You don't always know you're going to drop, but it is a good idea to be prepared for it if you have a particularly euphoric/emotionally intense experience. It won't necessarily be consistent as you won't always be able to quantify euphoria. You won't be able to say, oh, I am 113% happier than I've ever been, or today was 87% as enjoyable as yesterday. So, in that way it is tough. Just be aware of your feelings, especially around emotionally intense ("positive") situations.

- Whats your plan if you drop? (Especially if you’re coping alone.)
The articles above have some suggestions and others can do so as well. Personally, if a sub of mine drops, aftercare and a lot of communication is the way to go, and I may suggest doing certain things and keep checking in. It is very individualistic. I don't have a set of very specific things I always do. Generally there is a direction you want to go into, but specifically activities may vary somewhat.

- Any must-haves for the care kit? (Please, tell me to buy more squishmallows.)
If squishmallows make you happy and calm you down and get you out of your head, then yes, buy more squishmallows. Other ideas for what to have in a care kit are at the above links.

Hope that helps.


I really enjoyed the links. Thank you so much. ☺️☺️☺️
White Knight​(dom male){Seeking ?}
1 week ago • 05/12/2022 7:56 pm
White Knight​(dom male){Seeking ?} • 05/12/2022 7:56 pm
Spellbound Wytch wrote:
FlipSide1481 wrote:
This exactly and said much better then my bumbling.
Yes. But that right there is a "drop" in itself. The dominant dropped the ball on the required aftercare from what I'm reading having been expressed by the OP. 🤷🏼


I’m not sure if you are trying to wind the OP up , my perspective from reading her posts is that her Dom in this LDR did all he could no dropped balls, no ghosting and no bad advice , but quite rightly advised the OP as a newbie to search for help and assistance from the sisters on here !

No offence but if perhaps you stopped Dom bashing and concentrated on helping her understand what she can use to help herself it might be more helpful and enable her preparations for subdrop in the future ?
Heero​(dom male)
1 week ago • 05/12/2022 8:16 pm
Heero​(dom male) • 05/12/2022 8:16 pm
fluffypoppet wrote:
Spellbound Wytch wrote:
FlipSide1481 wrote:
This exactly and said much better then my bumbling.
Yes. But that right there is a "drop" in itself. The dominant dropped the ball on the required aftercare from what I'm reading having been expressed by the OP. 🤷🏼


Hi,

He didn’t drop the ball… I still dropped hard though.

- He identified the issue and gave me information about it. (Understanding is important to me and he knows that.)
- He has been in nearly constant contact- but that’s pretty much the norm for us. (I thrive with his attention and he knows that too.)
- He recommended focusing on self care and going easy on myself. (He even gave me suggestions,- things he knows I love.)
- He has also repeatedly urged me to connect with other subs that may be able to give me advice he can’t or a new perspective.

That's all good. I get that this is scary and new. The first time always has some amount of bumbling, to steal FlipSide's phrase. Even if everyone's on point, emotions can be complicated and things won't go according to plan sometimes. So don't worry, between your dominant and the community here, you're in good hands it seems. Now, armed with new knowledge, hopefully you can articulate things better in the future you and your dominant can come up with some good coping strategies.

I'm glad you enjoyed the links. JustAlice had some good ideas as well, I'd consider them.

Everyone gave topnotch advice here I think.

Everything will be fine. Enjoy your journey, stay safe, and continue doing your research and making friends!
fluffypoppet​(sub female){Taken}
1 week ago • 05/12/2022 8:33 pm
fluffypoppet​(sub female){Taken} • 05/12/2022 8:33 pm
JustAlice wrote:
I always plan FOR drop after a session, whether it’s in person or a planned video call.
These are the basics of what I do
- make sure the house is spotless prior so that I can rest afterwards
- have nutritious food in the fridge for a few days
- wine and chocolate available
- bubble bath, moisturiser and soft pjs
- have a book or Netflix series lined up
- playlist from my Master or just music we have used when we are together
- candles
- we take pictures when we are together. I edit these and send them to my Master. It helps me remember and process what may be unclear due to sub space
- writing to Him, recounting our time
- He ensures He calls, as often as needed
- We message more frequently
- He reminds me it’s normal and will pass
- He makes sure I take care of any bruising etc
- Our established protocols and rituals ensure I meditate, do some yoga and train hard and that it’s not skipped even if I feel rough

Suicidal ideation is worrying, it can happen but I think exploring the trigger for it, identifying any persistent thoughts pattens and working through them in order that you don’t drop so hard on future is required. Drop is normal but I’d argue that suicidal ideation must be avoided if at all possible. You’ve done the right thing reaching out and talking about it. Be kind to yourself, it will pass.


These suggestions are wonderful. Exactly what I needed. Thank you so much!

Music is such a great idea. I would not have considered it but love it. Books and Netflix are up my alley too.
Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
1 week ago • 05/12/2022 11:25 pm
Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • 05/12/2022 11:25 pm
White Knight wrote:
No offence but if perhaps you stopped Dom bashing and concentrated on helping her understand what she can use to help herself it might be more helpful and enable her preparations for subdrop in the future ?
Perhaps you should refrain from delivering heavy handed lectures to me on my duty to the "sisters." The repeated use of the word *alone* certainly left me questioning how much support she was receiving from her partner. No offense, of course. 😉
moll​(other female){owned slav}
1 week ago • 05/13/2022 8:48 am
moll​(other female){owned slav} • 05/13/2022 8:48 am
fluffypoppet wrote:
Spellbound Wytch wrote:
Before offering any ideas for how to deal, I'd be interested in knowing *why* you're not getting any support from your dominant? You mentioned he "diagnosed your problem" but instead of working to help you, he's leaving you to cope with the situation alone - to the point of asking advice from strangers despite you expressing suicidal ideations. That reaction (non-reaction actually) speaks volumes to me.



Hi,

Three things:
1- My dom isn’t local. He cannot be here. He knows me so well he recognized a shift in me that I didn’t quite know how to articulate. He is diligent in all things- especially when it comes to my well-being.
2- I did a terrible job of communicating about the experience. I used vague language with my dom and I feel pretty guilty about it too. It felt too alarming and dramatic and isolating and awful to put into words at the time. Even though I’d read about it before (because my dom sent me educational info ages ago) I didn’t recognize it when it happened.
3- I’m ✨new✨ everyone in the BDSM community is a stranger except my dom. Folks around here seem to know stuff so I figured I’d ask and maybe eventually make some friends.



HI fluffypoppet...

First...the name is so cute. Seriously it reminds me of a friend who's Master calls her Poppet. I'm kinda missing her, but I digress.

OK...WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY!

Communication is absolutely key in any type of relationship and especially in BDSM relationships. If you do not tell your Dom/Top/Master, etc what you have been experiencing then there is no way that person can help you directly or help you get to someone who can. They are not mind readers. You mentioned that your Dom knows you well and noticed that something was off. That is wonderful and, maybe I missed you writing it, but I'm guessing he asked about it and I hope that you were honest with him, but don't wait until he notices. PLEASE tell him as soon as you can that something is wrong, that you are having dark thoughts.

OK...my experience with sub drop: in my experience sub drop has come on fast and slow. My Master always makes sure that I take breaks, drink water, and that I eat something with sugar in it (fruit is the better choice, but that's not exactly convenient to stash in a toy bag). The snacks come with the aftercare: most of the time is cuddling, talking, or sometimes it's just quiet time because I just want to feel what I'm feeling, but again he checks in with asking how I'm doing. One time he started singing and forced me to sing along....I kid you not...it wasn't pretty.

As was stated in a previous response by another poster: during play, especially strenuous play, your hormones go out wack. I was told that endorphins can reach the same levels as in someone who is having a good work out. So basically, it's like a "runners high."

I get that you and your Dom is not in the same area, and again I might have missed you stating how you guys play, guessing online via a cam program. My thought/suggestion is that you have water around and take little breaks to have a drink, ask him to check in on how you are feeling throughout the play session, and after you wrap yourself in a blanket or snuggle an animal stuffy (or favorite pillow) and the two of you talk while you have a small snack. Even listen to some soothing music, but do check in with him on how you are feeling.

I hope this helps....

Be Well!

Moll