Narcissist posing as a Daddy/Dom

Narcissist posing as a Daddy/Dom

RunningScared • May 19, 2022

I have been in a DDLG type of relationship for alittle over a year now and we are barely trading water at this point. My rebellion and resistance to follow his lead has been a huge thing here.

My biggest problem that keeps me from following his lead is that he cannot handle being called out on things. He absolutely refuses to take responsibility for his actions and when i ask for explanations to certain things he tells me "that is not your right to know "
I am of the mind set that whether you are in a vanilla or a BDSM relationship empathy, respect, trust, honesty are of utmost importance.
This man lacks the ability to communicate and invalidates everything that I say or try to explain. it is as if emotions are i don't care why you aren't doing it I just want you to do it.
if i refuse to do something for him he turns cold and ignored me.
The few times that we did scene the safeword was treats as if had i said it i would be tossed out like yesterdays garbage

At this point, my only conclusion is that this person I am dealing with is not a true Dom but a Narcissist masquerading as a Daddy/Dom
He wants my praise and admiration for doing things that a decent human being does and if i don't acknowledged I am ungrateful

I am just really not sure what to do at this point. This experiance has turned me quite sour to bdsm as a whole

TheTempest​(sub female){Mister Az} • May 19, 2022

I am so sorry to hear this. I will say my first Dom when I returned to bdsm was like this. It left me feeling ashamed of myself and very confused. Whenever I questioned anything i was told “ You obey!” That really stuck in my craw because I blindly obey no one. Once I had enough and walked away he was very charming and said all the right things to pull me back in. Please don’t ignore your feelings. The fact that there seems to be such disdain for the safe word concerns me. To me a safe word is almost sacred and should be treated as such. You know what your gut is telling you to do. Walk away, run away.

I am now with a Daddy Dom who treats me as a queen and as his whore. He isnt threatened by questions and in fact welcomes them. If I ever have concerns about a task,I am not afraid to ask him. I can trust in him completely. Because I trust him, I can easily obey him, because he does have my best interest at heart.

You can have that as well. And you deserve it. I had to dig to find my prize and kiss a few frogs. It was so so worth it. I wish you the best of luck!

-T

DrWakko • May 19, 2022

Just because you can type the word: Dom/me, Daddy, Master/Mistress, sub, slave etc. doesn’t mean you are one. Typing the word Dom doesn’t cause a fairy to come down bop you on the head with her wand and you magically become one. Sorry Cinderella.

DW

Beautiful eyes​(sub female){Taken} • May 19, 2022

I have found that if you have these doubts and you can not talk about it, then he's not the one for you.
In most daddy doms and doms I have chatted with like to feel like they can help you grow and understand.
Help you learn more and invite questions. Not only does it let you understand them and what and why things are important to them and vise versa.

DewofHermon​(sub female) • May 19, 2022

He definitely sounds like a narcissistic fake dom/daddy/whatever he wants to call himself. The best thing to do is to leave him asap. Does he have any violent tendency? If so, be careful and plan your exit with friends and family quietly well so you can exit safely. God bless!

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • May 19, 2022

You come out of the gate by telling us: "my rebellion and resistance to follow his lead has been a huge thing here" and go on to say: "this man invalidates everything that I say or try to explain." The way you say "he cannot handle being called out on things" suggests you make it a habit of *challenging* him and whatever authority he might try to assert and you also make note of "trying to explain yourself" when most dominants aren't looking for a sub to explain themselves but instead expect an order to be heard, accepted and obeyed rather than analyzed and dissected.

We're hearing only one side of this story and it seems heavy on your own admitted recalcitrance. To be honest it sounds like you simply don't have any respect for, or confidence in him. It may well be that the two of you are simply incompatible since it seems you want ongoing negotiations and explanations rather than any established, accepted and firm structure. I suspect you're both caught on a hamster wheel at this point - going in circles yet getting nowhere except farther apart. Perhaps it's time to cut your losses and move along knowing what you need to steer clear of in the future?

I'mME • May 19, 2022

OP,
He sounds immature . Whether he has narcissistic tendancies, I am not there and I can not tell.

The one thing I wanted to clarify was your statement about scheming. It was unclear from the way you wrote the sentence whether he HAS ignored your safeword?

That's the thing that concerned me the most. it sounds like you know what you have to do about the rest, however you should be clear in exactly why you are exiting the relationship.

You do not trust him, that is what I read beneath your words.

I'mME • May 19, 2022

*scening

Notely • May 19, 2022

Title not everything it’s truly how someone carry it how they treat you , If their no respect their nothing. It happens both men and women and some can turn out nice but later show thé true colors. Best losing contact all together with this person Delete them every were. If you feel you need to start over if they try to bother you but good to be safe. Don’t focus on that kind réserve things focus on self care and loving yourself and heal. You don’t need to bow down to anyone of any demands if they threaten you you won’t do the demands just don’t message them back block and walk away. Anyone trying to rush you and démène or not good for your heart. Good to set Boundaries even if you are here any where. Respect goes both ways it needs to exchanged in trust over time with effect blue print not forced they need to earn and respect if they wanna get to know you more. They really force connection has to be in the right vibration at the right time two people have to feel the same love does not Happen over night. They rush with love move to quick wanna own you right away or even relocate these red flags to avoid. Body language energy how they treat you read the signs listen to you gut does this support you good for you mental health if they not good for your mental health they not good for you at all need get out why you can. They wanna be a good Teacher they need to Master them self first with growth and moving them self to love another if it’s only about them they best off alone. It’s about two people of team work with Us no us no nothing. Relationship is not really the first thing it’s getting to each other part they should be your peace be like a friend see you click keep hanging out do things til you feel you get along and have more feelings dating and love comes later. I know everyone wants to be in love make sure protect your heart be very selective who you give your heart to you don’t have to reply to everyone that messages you everyone not for all you for the right one that respects you. Let things flow , practice , exchange info and things when trust is earned , figure out the thing you like to do time and place for everything. Even sub should work on their personal growth. Create as you go. We don’t come with a book we are the book are higher selfs. If your still learning great movies sorta help you the secretary , story of 0 we’ll based on to real but get you to understand things not everyone in to pain but a true Teacher learns him self and the sub and the needs they to teach the student to protect and cherish and lead the way help the sub become better version of them self help with goals. But sun in return can love help encourage in return. What’s good for the soul good for the mind honor your self don’t anyone disrespect you even as sub/Dom going to be times your not ready or not time work or not to day or no thanks because you have to be 100% everything takes time baby steps. It takes year to fully get to know someone if been Six months let’s say you both camped and voiced the Dom should visit you meet in coffee shop so you feel safe in day time see if they are the same as online they can treat respect in public. But for sub to feel safe a Dom should see the sub first they need to know it’s not safe for sub go place they never been to they need meet you few times in a year goes both ears back and forth after if you may not have the fund they should help get return ticket in advanced or meet in the middle. Bring a friend the first time don’t give them your address have them get hotel you go back home or have them get 2 rooms. You can even camp at forest reserve for free take a friend meet them just another way it funds your saving. Even bring a sub don’t rely on Dom to take care of you should have some Independence before anything work on your self take part time work take a class work from home advance so you have way of taking care of you save up not relying on someone you don’ know them best to have your own things order before anything this just enlightenment. You Don’t need to friend everyone if I be not right force friendship can’t be ether it’s same as energy has to be respect and exchanged. If they wanna get to know you they need to respect your wishes anyone looking for sex all they bring up just demand things if wrong they bring up play partner they looking for that the same as playing around not really safe it’s only games. If your not in to poly only one for one know one can force you if your only looking for unattached. Don’t fall for anyone calls them self a Dom Sir Master even if online they don’t own you they are not your boss many just looking get off to get what they want they don’t care for the person needs decline them. The way they write their profile also the energy and demands that it they say want only cnc no rights for sun or slave that only their feelings matter this inhumane not healthy also against the law humans have civil rights both men and women. Good Teacher will look out for you and your Health not hide you or keep in cage 24/7 they be by your side check on you because you can lock someone up forint hours you need to interact move around have friends so on. Cage time or being tied up can only 30 mins baby Monitor they need to be in the house near you not out the house do to weather and house safety. You need to be able to breathe get out it things. Things you will need to know narcissistic will be very romantic to romantic at first sweet talk day your the one they trying to get you til they get you then they try to control they will want move in leave things behind then once you get there take things away tell you how to dress and act tell have no contact no one these signs you need to beware never relocate right away don’t fall for the sweet talk love if you go relocate hard to leave you have to go shelter if you have no money why good to not get with this kind. I know people like control but they need to be good person not every person will grow. If you got out of a break up cut the cord or the past forgive and forget loss contact move on work on yourself. If you been abused hurt not good to look for A relationship you need to heal it can take months years cause it get the wrong person going to hurt again best to be Alone then with the wrong person. Do what’s best for you your health not someone that does not respect you. You come first you can delete log out unplug offline to safe yourself.

anythingUdesire • May 19, 2022

I always listen to my gut first When a Dom or domme make me feel un easy I question them. And if there answer doesn't quell my feelings I know it's time to leave. I I was in your shoes I think I'd leave as quickly as I can.