Searching with nerves

corvus • May 24, 2022

want is the word of dishonesty. humans are exceptional at obtaining the things they want. nothing is a bigger flag than a person saying "I want."
If you wanted it, you would have it.

Re: Searching with nerves

I'mME • Jun 30, 2022

Hi,
I realize that this is over a month ago and I hope you are still around. I did not see anyone ask you, so I thought I would. Why are you doing anything that a complete ask or tells you to do?

This is a technique that some 'Doms' use to test you, see how new you are, and exactly how far they can push you. Unless it's your thing, please do not give out overly personal information, even if they ask. They should not be asking questions that lead to that, it's way to ferret out information about areas that you may be struggling with. Just think of it like you are standing in a line at a store and a complete stranger tells you to do something, would you do it? Or if they just strike up a conversation and start asking personal questions, are you going to answer them? I hope the answer is no. At least you can see who is telling you to do something or asking personal questions.
I'm not saying to not have conversations, I'm saying that you are not that persons sub and you are not obligated to even have a conversation with someone who tells you they are a Dom. If someone is really interested in you as a sub, they will not be telling you to do anything because you are not their sub. They will be interested in you as a person, and once again please don't overshare in the beginning stages.That only comes if you decide to be their sub. Which should only happen after y'all spend time getting to know one another. This includes vanilla activities also.

You have an inner voice, learn to listen to it, it will not steer you wrong. If you are uncomfortable right off the bat with someone who shows up in your box, things they are asking you, or they are telling you to do something, just end the conversation. Have you read any books, taken any 101 classes? You should know signs of a 'fake' Dom [ I hate using that word] , what green flags are, how to stay safe, basics. This is a good site, but if you are not n'brand new, please consider some books, podcasts, classes. It could be a life saver, a heartache saver, give you some confidence on finding your voice, things like that.


Nonya

Miki • Jun 30, 2022

Well, the O. P. hasn't been online in a month-- hoping she found what she was looking for, but any sub female (or dom female for that matter) who puts up a wonderful profile like hers and notes that she is "unattached / looking" can expect to get her inbox blown to pieces by both some who are genuinely interested in seeing what's up--- and those out looking for a good time.

In all such cases... caution and patience are well-indicated.

As I noted the O P hasn't been around in at least a month, but the above goes for anyone in a similar part of their journey.

LordofPain56 • Jul 4, 2022

Impatient and demanding? Sounds like a six year old narcissist. Dump 'em fast.

FlyingAlan​(dom male) • Jul 4, 2022

A lot of times as a submissive, you don't want to have to make decisions. However most people on here will agree that you DO get to choose your Dom or owner. you should make that choice very carefully and fully vet them and make sure your comfortable. If you feel red flags in the back of your mind, PAY ATTENTION to them. Unfortunately, there are many more that just don't "get it" and those are to be avoided like the plague. If your meeting someone, always make sure you have a safety Dom or sub that know where you are, his license plate etc... If it feels like it's going to fast, then it IS going to fast. Always ask for help such as this and get advice or at least differing opinions.

Noire{Owned (NH)} • Jul 4, 2022

Help gorgeous and welcome to the cage!

I always tell my fellow submissive people. That setting the tone in any relationship is important. If your uncomfortable with something, or if you feel like a certain situation is a boundary for you. Let that be known. You can do this in a polite manner with simply saying “ Thank you for the offer, but this makes me uncomfortable.” Or “ I feel like this is moving a little too fast for me.”

As for sleeping together/ participating in a bdsm scene within the first meeting.. Personally I wouldn’t want to. I would feel like I’d need more time getting to know a dominant before willingly partaking in a bdsm scene. I am overly cautious so maybe that’s why I am encouraging you to ask all of the questions before partaking In any bdsm related activities.

As for nudes, I am a firm believer that if a dominant wants to get to know you. They will not ask you for nudes. A dominant who is serious about you will work to gain your trust first. They will build a steady foundation with you before sex is even discussed or initiated. Personally I do not send nudes and if i am asked, that person is blocked. Immediately.

Honestly if I ever have to deal with mean Doms. I do what my granny always said. “Kill em with kindness.” Or just block them. Usually the mean ones are the fake or insta doms and honestly they belong to the pathways.

Keep your head up and ask all the necessary questions you need to. Take your time in getting to know anyone who is a perspective Dom that may show interest. Not everyone is entitled to have access to you.

Good luck love!

Re: Searching with nerves

Atila​(sub female) • Jul 4, 2022

The Cage has an app? What? I didn't know that. I thought it was just a webpage.

Re: Searching with nerves

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Jul 4, 2022

Rule of thumb: If they are being impatient or demanding right off the bat.....they don't want a real relationship, they just want to get off. A real Dom/Master knows how to control himself/herself and be patient with others.

If they can't show you patience, understanding, and respect online....they won't have those things in real life.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jul 7, 2022

Simple.
Put in your profile about how you want someone that'll take the time to know you before commanding your submision.

After that anyone that demands and commands from the start caresbso little about you they havnt even read your profile which gives you the full right to advise them to:

"Go henceforth from my sight to thusly fornication yourself in every way possible never to return."

balloonkotinsp • Jul 7, 2022

It makes me wonder where in these gentleman's lives do they get the type of response they are seeking by being aggressive or mean. Just curious.