WIFE

WIFE

afraidoftheresult • Jul 11, 2022

As my name suggests, I am almost afraid of what has evolved. My WIFE has always been the ALPHA WIFE. She is undeniably the Boss and makes all the decisions. I am comfortable being submissive, and although we don't discuss our roles, it has become natural.

She is a few years younger than I am and both our children are out of the house.

We are close in size and weight, but while I am not very athletic, she has become a gym rat . More so weights than cardio.

When the kids lived home, I would take care of the house under her supervision but she would suggest rather than direct. Now that we're empty nesters, she commands.

For instance she would leave a list of grocery items for me to buy and her dinner request which is always protein, steak, chicken, fish, etc. and a vegetable.

I would prepare dinner and ask her to come in when dinner is on her plate.

I can keep going...our sex life is a 1 way street. She tells me to give her head or suck her off or blow her - when she is finished it's over.

I have become physically afraid of her, and although she has not hit me, the ever present threat is always there

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jul 11, 2022

My answer is pretty straight forward. People might call it blunt.
You say your afraid of her and earlier said you don't discuss, let alone negotiate or give consent to make it actually Femdom or BDSM.
This makes it abuse and domestic violence.
Either talk about it or leave.

NO ONE should be made to feel this way if they didn't consent to it!

afraidoftheresult • Jul 11, 2022

Thank you very much for your reply, it's appreciated.

I don't believe that it's domestic violence, she never threatened to harm me. We didn't discuss our arrangement or make it a formal arrangement - it just happened and since the kids moved out, our roles have become more apparent.

She has always been VERY good at giving direction, not only to me but to her friends as well. They all come to her for advice and she tells them exactly what to do.

I am not uncomfortable with what's going on, just afraid of what it may morph into

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jul 11, 2022

Your welcome for the reply. Thanks for understanding it wasn't meant in malice but more for your concern. Domestic violence takes may forms and yes men experience it too. Many men also experience it under the guise of Femdom. Just as many women do under the guise of BDSM. Labelling it BDSM doesn't change that.
If you are genuinely afraid of the direction, talk to her and explain that your concern on the path your relationship is taking. Try to see if you BOTH together, can form a direction that suits you BOTH. If it is really Femdom, she will have no issue with this discussion. Setting limits and boundaries is how things work within Femdom.
This is YOUR relationship too! You have the right to feel happy and most of all "safe"
While some here might find this situation "hot" Hot works in fantasy and not long term reality where dynamics haven't been established.

afraidoftheresult • Jul 11, 2022

I appreciate your wisdom, clearly much more advanced than I am. I will heed your advice and broach the subject with her

Notely • Jul 12, 2022

Team work sit down have conversation be open. Work out together , play together , dance , hike , love, Romance. Your both in this together. Do not allow the mind to trick you note you let it then brings more fear reserve mind set. Start being open let go but bothering but the Cords allow yourself to grow and ground be at ease.

afraidoftheresult • Jul 12, 2022

thank you very much - all great ideas.

Please understand, I am not uncomfortable in my role. I am a pleaser, always have been. Since the kids moved out, it has become more intense. It's her way, and I am OK with that. It's what "may" happen down the road that has me fearful

RogueWolf​(dom male){Gaiawolf} • Jul 12, 2022

Do you want a Femdom? What do you want out of this? Are you looking for more, an actual bdsm relationship? Is it more about the dynamic than anything else?
What exactly are afraid of? that she's going to spank you for being a naughty boy? Or do you want her too do that? Maybe earn it for being good. Or rewards for the service you provide.

afraidoftheresult • Jul 12, 2022

thank you, and being honest, I don't know what I want out of this.

She has all the freedom in the world, do whatever she wants, go anywhere she wants, see anyone she wants, etc and I will not ask questions...

All that is fine, but there is something about her (lately) that scares me

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jul 12, 2022

This above is just what I mean about discuss and negotiate just what you BOTH want. Rogue Wolf put into words what I should off added.
Express to her what YOU want. She should also express what she wants....and you find middle ground where you are BOTH comfortable. Where you are BOTH comfortable , is where things happen. Makes BOTH sides of the perverbal whip happy!

I get being concerned about direction but if you both establish it, it removes some doubts and concerns. It stops resentment and wrong doings. If you want to be a good submissive (if thats your choice and she wishes to be your Dominant and not just Domineering) you need to know what she requires of you....nothing wrong with that at all. It is only because wrong when you are left wondering, even about the general day to day things like structure or power exchange or what happens where and when.. ....and why.

Worrying about the unknown is a good thing. its what keeps submissives safe. Even those in well balanced vanilla relationships have boundaries and limits....BDSM isn't different, we just "love" a different way. Even with out different ways, you deserve to know the "path" that you are treading on.

Edited to add what my Dyslexic brain removed