SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕}
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2 years ago •
Sep 14, 2022
I discussed a contract with someone once. By working on it together, editing it and clarifying language, it helped guide our discussions and allowed up to be EXTREMELY specific.
The most important part of ANY dynamic, I think, is making sure you are both using the same "dictionary". Define words that SEEM obvious (for example: disrespect) but are actually perceptions. That defining of words helps find areas that may have hidden triggers (I experienced this just yesterday). |
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ursa(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Sep 15, 2022
Although I have never had a "contract" per se, and signing my name to do something in perpetuity does not resonate with me - I do love having "rules" that both parties have worked on and agreed to, and I like having these rules written out. I like knowing exactly what is expected of me, what aspects of my life are being controlled, and what aspects of my life I will have freedom in (and responsibility for).
Early in the dynamic, forming the rules prompts discussion and understanding (as SirsBabyDoll described, sometimes going over even basic definitions or expectations reveals assumptions, different perceptions etc.) When getting used to a new dynamic, it helps me keep track of things. I am often more likely to "disobey" out of forgetfulness or disorganization than sheer brattiness, so having something written down does help me adjust. Having a new rule or expectation added to a growing dynamic presents the same problems for me, so it is nice to have updated rules that I can refer to whenever I want. Later in the dynamic, the rules are something I can use for comfort. When I feel down, tired, weak, useless, lazy, etc... I can look at the rules, look at the things that I do for Him, look at all the ways that I am strong and loyal every day, and it can help me remember that I am a good girl, that I am loved, valued, and that I belong. |
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SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕}
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2 years ago •
Sep 15, 2022
ursa wrote: When getting used to a new dynamic, it helps me keep track of things. I am often more likely to "disobey" out of forgetfulness or disorganization than sheer brattiness, so having something written down does help me adjust. I wanted to clear up this misconception about Brats, and yes, it applies to Slave Contracts. Brats do NOT "disobey" with premeditation nor do we disobey already agreed upon rules. We are human and can be forgetful sometimes and we can also be disorganized, HOWEVER, our very SURVIVAL as children depended upon us remembering the rules. We also live "in theome t" so may become distracted, excited, nervous, etc and THATS when a rule like "no talking" or "walk on a preferred side" gets forgotten. One thing that the discussion of Contract terms provide is an opportunity to UNDERSTAND why a particular rule is important for the Dom. Once a Brat understands their importance, why the rule originated, the "backstory" you could say, we will remember it. It ALSO provides an opportunity to inject to a rule if we know we cannot follow it. Before a contract is signed, you need to understand YOURSELF enough to know the difference between your limits of moral/ethical tolerance, your abilities of skill, your emotional needs, and your willingness to attempt. A Brat will NOT agree to a rule "just because I say so". Nope. We need to know WHY. Why is this rule important to you? What meaning does MY following this rule have for you? Basically, "How does this rule serve and fulfill YOU?". To us, THAT importance, that fulfillment of a personal need, is the ESSENCE of service! What Brats do is play with the UN-rules. The In-the moment assigned tasks. For example: when told, "Bring me a cup of coffee", we will do that....but in a measuring cup. "Get on all fours" turns into bending over and touching the floor ("But Sir, all four are touching the floor! *Smiles cheekily*"). But if we have a rule such as "You shall always greet me at the door with a kiss" will ONLY be broken if vanilla life prevents us. "Sorry babe but 5 minutes before you walked in the door, the dishwasher blew up and I had to stop the mess before it destroyed the house." |
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| Lord_Zephyr |
2 years ago •
Sep 15, 2022
[quote="dollMaker"]
I also feel strongly that these should not be cast in stone never to be changed or reviewed things. Its a good idea to also build into the agreement that the contract will be revisited and altered, amended on a regular basis. Dynamics and relationships over time, can and do evolve. Things wanted and not wanted can change. I have myself included limits etc as part of a contract, but not as fixed points but things that can be changed. I think again this gives a framework and its in black and white as to what the parties are agreeing to. Building in the times for review also a good idea, say after a month, 3 months, 6 and then regularly afterwards. Some will even build a duration of contract, with revisiting and renewing part of the dynamic. Agreed. This is as simple as and essential as writing into the contract a means and process for redress or dissolution. Thing is... what would be beneficial for anyone wishing to enter into a BDSM "contract" to actually research what legal contracts encompass and seek to follow the already well addressed issues and components of such following that outline. |
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| Lord_Zephyr |
2 years ago •
Sep 15, 2022
SirsBabyDoll wrote: I discussed a contract with someone once. By working on it together, editing it and clarifying language, it helped guide our discussions and allowed up to be EXTREMELY specific.
The most important part of ANY dynamic, I think, is making sure you are both using the same "dictionary". Define words that SEEM obvious (for example: disrespect) but are actually perceptions. That defining of words helps find areas that may have hidden triggers (I experienced this just yesterday). Also a good point. Similar to a prior comment regarding redress and dissolution of a contract, most legal contracts have embedded or by default of common law established prior... definitions of terms. The point being... follow the precedent of what an actual legal contract inclusions are. |
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moll(other female){owned slav}
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2 years ago •
Sep 15, 2022
SirsBabyDoll wrote: ursa wrote: When getting used to a new dynamic, it helps me keep track of things. I am often more likely to "disobey" out of forgetfulness or disorganization than sheer brattiness, so having something written down does help me adjust. I wanted to clear up this misconception about Brats, and yes, it applies to Slave Contracts. Brats do NOT "disobey" with premeditation nor do we disobey already agreed upon rules. We are human and can be forgetful sometimes and we can also be disorganized, HOWEVER, our very SURVIVAL as children depended upon us remembering the rules. We also live "in theome t" so may become distracted, excited, nervous, etc and THATS when a rule like "no talking" or "walk on a preferred side" gets forgotten. One thing that the discussion of Contract terms provide is an opportunity to UNDERSTAND why a particular rule is important for the Dom. Once a Brat understands their importance, why the rule originated, the "backstory" you could say, we will remember it. It ALSO provides an opportunity to inject to a rule if we know we cannot follow it. Before a contract is signed, you need to understand YOURSELF enough to know the difference between your limits of moral/ethical tolerance, your abilities of skill, your emotional needs, and your willingness to attempt. A Brat will NOT agree to a rule "just because I say so". Nope. We need to know WHY. Why is this rule important to you? What meaning does MY following this rule have for you? Basically, "How does this rule serve and fulfill YOU?". To us, THAT importance, that fulfillment of a personal need, is the ESSENCE of service! What Brats do is play with the UN-rules. The In-the moment assigned tasks. For example: when told, "Bring me a cup of coffee", we will do that....but in a measuring cup. "Get on all fours" turns into bending over and touching the floor ("But Sir, all four are touching the floor! *Smiles cheekily*"). But if we have a rule such as "You shall always greet me at the door with a kiss" will ONLY be broken if vanilla life prevents us. "Sorry babe but 5 minutes before you walked in the door, the dishwasher blew up and I had to stop the mess before it destroyed the house." The impression I'm getting from your post is that "brats" and "little" are synonymous terms. Am I understanding you correctly? I know that's off topic and something for another post, but that is the impression I'm getting. |
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SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕}
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2 years ago •
Sep 15, 2022
moll wrote: SirsBabyDoll wrote: ursa wrote: When getting used to a new dynamic, it helps me keep track of things. I am often more likely to "disobey" out of forgetfulness or disorganization than sheer brattiness, so having something written down does help me adjust. I wanted to clear up this misconception about Brats, and yes, it applies to Slave Contracts. Brats do NOT "disobey" with premeditation nor do we disobey already agreed upon rules. We are human and can be forgetful sometimes and we can also be disorganized, HOWEVER, our very SURVIVAL as children depended upon us remembering the rules. We also live "in theome t" so may become distracted, excited, nervous, etc and THATS when a rule like "no talking" or "walk on a preferred side" gets forgotten. One thing that the discussion of Contract terms provide is an opportunity to UNDERSTAND why a particular rule is important for the Dom. Once a Brat understands their importance, why the rule originated, the "backstory" you could say, we will remember it. It ALSO provides an opportunity to inject to a rule if we know we cannot follow it. Before a contract is signed, you need to understand YOURSELF enough to know the difference between your limits of moral/ethical tolerance, your abilities of skill, your emotional needs, and your willingness to attempt. A Brat will NOT agree to a rule "just because I say so". Nope. We need to know WHY. Why is this rule important to you? What meaning does MY following this rule have for you? Basically, "How does this rule serve and fulfill YOU?". To us, THAT importance, that fulfillment of a personal need, is the ESSENCE of service! What Brats do is play with the UN-rules. The In-the moment assigned tasks. For example: when told, "Bring me a cup of coffee", we will do that....but in a measuring cup. "Get on all fours" turns into bending over and touching the floor ("But Sir, all four are touching the floor! *Smiles cheekily*"). But if we have a rule such as "You shall always greet me at the door with a kiss" will ONLY be broken if vanilla life prevents us. "Sorry babe but 5 minutes before you walked in the door, the dishwasher blew up and I had to stop the mess before it destroyed the house." The impression I'm getting from your post is that "brats" and "little" are synonymous terms. Am I understanding you correctly? I know that's off topic and something for another post, but that is the impression I'm getting. No, Brats and Littles are different but I I'm not sure how the Little concept comes into play here. I didn't mention Littles in my post. *I* have a Little, and *most* (but not all) Brats have a Little but I was speaking about Brat behavior and perceptions. |
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moll(other female){owned slav}
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2 years ago •
Sep 15, 2022
SirsBabyDoll wrote: moll wrote: SirsBabyDoll wrote: ursa wrote: When getting used to a new dynamic, it helps me keep track of things. I am often more likely to "disobey" out of forgetfulness or disorganization than sheer brattiness, so having something written down does help me adjust. I wanted to clear up this misconception about Brats, and yes, it applies to Slave Contracts. Brats do NOT "disobey" with premeditation nor do we disobey already agreed upon rules. We are human and can be forgetful sometimes and we can also be disorganized, HOWEVER, our very SURVIVAL as children depended upon us remembering the rules. We also live "in theome t" so may become distracted, excited, nervous, etc and THATS when a rule like "no talking" or "walk on a preferred side" gets forgotten. One thing that the discussion of Contract terms provide is an opportunity to UNDERSTAND why a particular rule is important for the Dom. Once a Brat understands their importance, why the rule originated, the "backstory" you could say, we will remember it. It ALSO provides an opportunity to inject to a rule if we know we cannot follow it. Before a contract is signed, you need to understand YOURSELF enough to know the difference between your limits of moral/ethical tolerance, your abilities of skill, your emotional needs, and your willingness to attempt. A Brat will NOT agree to a rule "just because I say so". Nope. We need to know WHY. Why is this rule important to you? What meaning does MY following this rule have for you? Basically, "How does this rule serve and fulfill YOU?". To us, THAT importance, that fulfillment of a personal need, is the ESSENCE of service! What Brats do is play with the UN-rules. The In-the moment assigned tasks. For example: when told, "Bring me a cup of coffee", we will do that....but in a measuring cup. "Get on all fours" turns into bending over and touching the floor ("But Sir, all four are touching the floor! *Smiles cheekily*"). But if we have a rule such as "You shall always greet me at the door with a kiss" will ONLY be broken if vanilla life prevents us. "Sorry babe but 5 minutes before you walked in the door, the dishwasher blew up and I had to stop the mess before it destroyed the house." The impression I'm getting from your post is that "brats" and "little" are synonymous terms. Am I understanding you correctly? I know that's off topic and something for another post, but that is the impression I'm getting. No, Brats and Littles are different but I I'm not sure how the Little concept comes into play here. I didn't mention Littles in my post. *I* have a Little, and *most* (but not all) Brats have a Little but I was speaking about Brat behavior and perceptions. |
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SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕}
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2 years ago •
Sep 15, 2022
moll wrote: SirsBabyDoll wrote: moll wrote: SirsBabyDoll wrote: ursa wrote: When getting used to a new dynamic, it helps me keep track of things. I am often more likely to "disobey" out of forgetfulness or disorganization than sheer brattiness, so having something written down does help me adjust. I wanted to clear up this misconception about Brats, and yes, it applies to Slave Contracts. Brats do NOT "disobey" with premeditation nor do we disobey already agreed upon rules. We are human and can be forgetful sometimes and we can also be disorganized, HOWEVER, our very SURVIVAL as children depended upon us remembering the rules. We also live "in theome t" so may become distracted, excited, nervous, etc and THATS when a rule like "no talking" or "walk on a preferred side" gets forgotten. One thing that the discussion of Contract terms provide is an opportunity to UNDERSTAND why a particular rule is important for the Dom. Once a Brat understands their importance, why the rule originated, the "backstory" you could say, we will remember it. It ALSO provides an opportunity to inject to a rule if we know we cannot follow it. Before a contract is signed, you need to understand YOURSELF enough to know the difference between your limits of moral/ethical tolerance, your abilities of skill, your emotional needs, and your willingness to attempt. A Brat will NOT agree to a rule "just because I say so". Nope. We need to know WHY. Why is this rule important to you? What meaning does MY following this rule have for you? Basically, "How does this rule serve and fulfill YOU?". To us, THAT importance, that fulfillment of a personal need, is the ESSENCE of service! What Brats do is play with the UN-rules. The In-the moment assigned tasks. For example: when told, "Bring me a cup of coffee", we will do that....but in a measuring cup. "Get on all fours" turns into bending over and touching the floor ("But Sir, all four are touching the floor! *Smiles cheekily*"). But if we have a rule such as "You shall always greet me at the door with a kiss" will ONLY be broken if vanilla life prevents us. "Sorry babe but 5 minutes before you walked in the door, the dishwasher blew up and I had to stop the mess before it destroyed the house." The impression I'm getting from your post is that "brats" and "little" are synonymous terms. Am I understanding you correctly? I know that's off topic and something for another post, but that is the impression I'm getting. No, Brats and Littles are different but I I'm not sure how the Little concept comes into play here. I didn't mention Littles in my post. *I* have a Little, and *most* (but not all) Brats have a Little but I was speaking about Brat behavior and perceptions. No worries, Moll. Brats and Littles are SIMILAR, but the motivations are different. My Art Of the Brat series specifically addresses those differences. It can be found here: Chapter 4: The Brats v. Littles Debate https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?postid=32062&blog_id=68569 |
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