Difference between play partner and submissive

Difference between play partner and submissive

Babygirlucy​(sub female) • Aug 10, 2018

As I am new to this lifestyle I’m really confused about the difference between a play partner and a submissive. I’ve come across Doms who just want to tell you what to do sexually and have little contact with you. Then there’s the Doms that are really concerned about your well being in and out of the bedroom.

Can someone explain it to me better than I just explained please.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Aug 10, 2018

A play partner is just that; someone you enjoy a scene with, online or IRL. Some folks like random. Personally,I don't play with folks I don't like, trust and care about.

Submissive is a label. You may identity with some or all of the characteristics associated with that, but you are not bound, obligated or restricted by how you or others define that.

The 'Doms' that just want to tell you what to do aren't Doms, just predators who use the dynamic for easy control.

The ones that care about you as a person in and out of the bedroom, put that before kink and take the time to know you are Doms.

You're still not obligated to obey them or do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Aug 10, 2018

I agree with Fudbar 100%

Although it might mean slightly different things to different people and this is a broad definition, in a D/s scenario, as a general rule, a "play partner " is someone who only takes on the (submissive) role within a play session or scene for a limited and previously negotiated time period.
During the scene, they inhabit the role of the submissive, receiving the actions of their play partner, who would in this situation be referred to as the ‘Dom’ or ‘Top’.

A "submissive," on the other hand, is someone that embodies a role of submission within a relationship dynamic (24/7 or part-time) depending on what has been negotiated or they might see themselves as a submissive characteristics person in.

A play partner mainly plays a receiving role in (often sexual) interactions and scenes, a submissive may approach their label as signifying a more psychologically complex commitment.

In a D/s lifestyle, a submissive may agree upon certain rules and structures, with a dominant partner(s).

You may find it interesting to know that Dominant and submissive roles can be inhabited by the same person.
My Kitty for example could be described as having alpha tendencies amongst the vanilla-ites. She is very strong willed, independent and capable.
Within our love and relationship, she is my cuddly little Kitty.

It is quite common for a person to prefer a particular role over the other in general though.

As with all descriptions, I only offer a broad definition and everyone has their own take on what these words mean.
I would always suggest to take time to talk to those you are interested in exploring these rolls with.
Find out where they stand and what ‘play partner’ or ‘sub’ means to them.

I know a woman who works for law enforcement in America.
Tough as nails in vanilla and can easily take down a fat-ass redneck trucker with an attitude.
After she had messy end of a long term relationship, she needed/craved the release a good flogging always gave her (sub-space).
She got in contact with a respected/trusted well known local flogger in her area for non-sexual ‘play sessions’.
To give her those endorphins and adrenaline rush she wanted.

As a side note, after a several weeks and she agreed to being collared and has been happy ever since. In fact, as I have mentioned in my blog somewhere, she ended up as his Primary along with four other play-partner/sisters in the house.

Hope this helps.
It all makes sense in my head, but I ate Snert last night, a traditional Dutch dish.
So I could be talking utter rubbish right now and not know it.

FC

Sybil • Aug 10, 2018

I’m just here to read the comments lol because I find myself struggling to define the terms as well. Play mate, Sub and slave.

What separates the three {didn’t want to start a new forum but wanted to add slave}. I struggling with understanding the difference between a Submissive and a Slave}

I gather playmate is just that someone you play with nothing more whether group or otherwise for a set time frame.

I don’t have much of a need to control someone life 24/7 {i.e giving order all day long}. However my kitty considered himself a slave but most M/s relationship seems to be 24/7 thing. My requests/orders rarely go outside of bedroom play. However I may randomly order him to do a tasks here and there but it’s usually something sexually related. Although my orders are usually just in session I consider us more than just playmates. So for this reason I myself thinks of him more of a submissive then a slave.

Can you have a M/s relationship that’s not 24/7?

What separate a slave from a submissive because clearly those are to different titles?

Or is it as simple as whatever they mean to me?

Finished​(switch female) • Aug 29, 2018

Even more important than getting these definitions firm in your own head is the agreement between partners in what exactly is going on between you. If one partner thinks ‘play partner’ and the other thinks ‘submissive’ the resulting complications can get messy, even emotionally distressing. Whatever definition you decide suits you, always be sure to communicate it to your partner and have them do the same. It may save you from a lot of problems in the future.