Adoration, etc.?

Adoration, etc.?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Nov 17, 2022

i read, and responded to, a profile (on a gay site). The guy mentioned he is "dominant" and among his list of likes and wishes said: "I want to be pleased and adored." Fair enough, i appreciate openness. i have a detailed profile, and many of our likes/wishes alined, i noticed he looked at my profile several times, so i ventured to reach out and make contact. i wrote a fairly good sized note, he responded with 3 words... so am guessing he is not really interested or, i'm not interested in pulling teeth, or________? That's not what this is about.

i got thinking about his desire to be "adored." i understand he was maybe just being open, but i have encountered guys who seem to think that some things like "adoration" can just be turned on or off. i have felt adoration for a Man before. He didn't ask for it, we didn't even use D/s terms or labels, but He definitely "Dommed" me and He is in me the few Men i've ever been with who ellicited in me the need/desire to submit.

i've written about it in The Cage in other places, but my point here is, He evoked a feeling of "adoration" in me that i have never felt before. It wasn't as though He told me that He wanted me to adore Him, it just ended up happening... it was a place He took me? When i was feeling it, i had to examine and search for words to describe what i was feeling because it was new for me. i even ended up blurting it out, telling Him. Frankly, i felt small and embarrassed, actually like a little kid adoring Him, but i couldn't help the way i felt (and didn't want to, it felt good)

i guess that's the crux of what i am expressing here. i could have contained my expression of how i felt (i didn't), but the feeling was there either way whether i showed it or not. i imagine one can replace the feeling of "adoration" with other feelings/responses. i know a lot of people get into 'role play' ( i don't, just not me, feels fake, and i hate that). i've experienced or read profiles of people who say they want to be "worshiped," and i wonder how many are satisfied by role play 'worship' or 'adoration' vs an expression of the real thing? It seems to me that is not something i can produce independently, turn on or off at will. Some feelings, and their expressions, are a response, something that the other has a sort of control of.

Beautiful eyes​(sub female){Taken} • Nov 18, 2022

It is not something I can turn on or off......
The connection I feel to a person is tied to my emotional response......so it would never just be sex for me.

Which is why I don't do casual hook ups.......

He wants to be pleased and adored as that should be is a long term goal not something that happens in one conversation. You can like someone, you can be intrigued.....get your hope up....especially if you know they have checked you out.
He may be crap at communications lol.

CSI • Nov 18, 2022

I have been in a similar mindset. I have adored people before and it was not because I was told to or they said they wanted it. I have also had similar experiences with those that said they wanted to be adored/worshipped and every time I approached, it seemed as though they meant they wanted to be chased/pursued/relentlessly complimented/made a full time job of just telling them how wonderful they were and I just did not have time for that.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 18, 2022

Never been there personally, but I have known a fair number of people in my days willing to open up about personal things, so in reply I'd just say never feel badly about not not "containing" your feelings when you see such profiles, be them in here or other sites. You said you wrote a lengthy reply to this guy and he came back with three words. ---Groovy--- (I know, not the point of your post) but still... If you see a similarly detailed post from another, don't hesitate to let your feelings be known. The alternative being (if you write a brief intro) and get three words (or similar) back, you'd be stuck wondering; "Maybe I should have written more".. all that "if only" bullshit.

As for the "adored" "revered" stuff.. Loaded words actually. Adored could be what you seem to have thought, or it could be his way of saying he's looking for a committed partner who's willing to do the domestic stuff of the "housewife" of decades-gone-by.

Either way, though it may have stung, and concepts of "adoration" "worship" and "devotion" seem confusing, you're the wiser for the experience. Those are words used by people in or looking for relationships that don't always follow the official definitions given them.

Sooooo, as with all things relationship, it's a trial-and-error thing.. a crap-shoot at times, but the only way to find out which shell the rock is under is to keep trying. Of course what helps the search is open communication. This tool who wrote back revealed himself to be a fail... or a selective prick.. But at least you knew early on.

Shit-heads come in all shapes and sizes but cannot be discerned from real-deals with a look at the surface.

DelightfullyDominant​(dom male) • Nov 20, 2022

The need for relentless chasing/complimenting - seems like someone that is insecure and narcissistic rather than someone that is secure and earns the trust, respect, and adoration.