Need advice-Was I wrong?

Re: Need advice-Was I wrong?

Controlher69​(dom male) • Aug 26, 2018

Sounds to me like he is a picture collector... I never as for nudes until after we have met and established ground rules.. you did the right thing.... uote="LittleMe"]Hello. I have just started taking steps to find a Daddy Dom and recently started talking to a Man on a dating app after I stated in my profile what I was looking for. We spoke lots for a couple of days and seemed to share a lot of common interests kink and non kink. He then changed his profile to ‘D/s DD/lg’ so I gathered that he was now realising he can probably find more sub girls on the app if he stated it.

On the 3rd day he text me good morning, I replied and we exchanged 4 or 5 messages but I didn’t reply to his last message (it wasn’t a question) after 2 days I don’t hear from him so I send him a message apologising that I hadn’t replied and told him I had a lot in my mind the past few days regarding things we had spoken about. He ask me where was my mind now and I said in the same place as before. He told me that he wanted me to prove it to him by proving I am a naughty girl who is worthy of having a Daddy take care of her. He wanted me to send him a naked pic and show him how I tease my Daddy.

I didn’t feel comfortable with it and I told him so politely. I don’t know if that wasn’t very submissive of me to refuse but all of my instincts told me that this is a man I have known less than a week and haven’t met or even established any real relationship with yet. I know there’s lot of men out there pretending to be Doms just to get girls to do things like this and I told him so.

The conversation continued with him telling me that I had created a situation and he doesn’t know how he can trust me now if I will keep disappearing and I have to understand where he is coming from. I tried to reason with him and apologise for disappearing. He said it’s in my hands now to prove him wrong. In the end I told him that nothing had changed for me but we have to be in the same page going forward because I didn’t want to end up chasing someone who doesn’t want to be chased and I would let him decide what he wants to do about that.

I haven’t heard from him after that and I am not hopeful that I will. But I just want to know was I wrong in this situation? And is it a bad idea to use dating apps to find a Dom?[/quote]

LittleMe​(sub female) • Sep 7, 2018

Hi guys. Update to this situation.

So I was back in touch with him (ok stupid) and he told me that when someone disappears it makes him loose interest and he’s come across so many fakes online that’s why he asked for the pics as proof that I wasn’t going to keep coming and going. I’m still not sure what the pics he asked for were going to prove to him or why he even thought I disappeared for just 2 days, let’s remember that he wasn’t messaging me while I wasn’t messaging him.

He said he wanted to start over so we continued chatting as we had before for a few days. The last time we spoke I messaged him first and he responded right away but wasn’t as chatty as usual so I just thought ok he’ll come to me when he’s in the mood to talk.

Well it’s been a few days now and I haven’t heard from him. At first I wanted to message him so he didn’t think I was ‘disappearing’ again but it’s just not in my nature to chase men, Dom or not, it’s not something that feels good to me.

I don’t want to play this guys games but I’m just wondering from in particular other Doms perspective, is it expected that the sub keeps in continuous contact with the Dom?

Performer​(dom male) • Sep 7, 2018

I never put expectations on a sub until they are My sub. Then there are clear conversations about exactly what those expectations are for BOTH of us and from BOTH of us. It isn't unusual at that point to say that I want to hear from them every day, but in that case I will always contact them everyday as well. I think what you have done seems perfectly reasonable and the whole situation seems fraught with red flags.

Yes there are plenty of fakes out there on both sides of the slash, but my feeling is that a picture does little to resolve that since a google search can easily bring up a picture to send. A good conversation is a much better indicator of real.

I think we all agree with what seems to be your instinct to just walk away from this one.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Sep 7, 2018

Daily contact, at least. The same is expected of a Dominant, though. It's a relationship. You talk about your days and you share what happened with each other. You talk and have deep conversations unless too busy for anything more than a check in.

You got ghosted, it seems, by someone who found a woman who would give him what he wants without making sensible complaints. Be so happy that he found a new ego polisher.

LittleMe​(sub female) • Sep 7, 2018

So exactly as I was thinking. Daily contact once a connection is established, but it works both ways both parties make an effort to be in contact with each other.

And yes Aria, ghosted a second time I think. But I have no doubt IF I made contact with him now we would be back to the ‘you disappeared’ ‘this is your fault’ ‘you did this’ .....Egotistical manipulative jerk.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Sep 7, 2018

You dodged a bullet, like I have to tell so many other women. Block him. He may come back after realizing that he's lost control of you. Best to head that off.

Icarus​(dom male) • Sep 7, 2018

Well done. Respect is earned and goes both ways.