What is "Sane?"

What is "Sane?"

MandatorySub • Mar 23, 2023

With regards to BDSM being "Safe, sane, and consensual....."

How do YOU define sane?
Is it your dynamic partner's mental state? Is it yours? Is it the psychology behind why one is drawn to the lifestyle? Is it the circumstances that lead you to engage in the lifestyle? Is it the dynamic itself and whether or not the foundation is sound?

Does it apply to online dynamics?

Or is it something else completely?

Additionally: Have you ever found yourself engaging outside of what you define as "Sane?" If so, how did you or they find their way back? Or did you?

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 23, 2023

Answering a question with a question just because I feel like it.

"What is Normal"?

Anyway both normal and not sane can be like beauty or ugliness. "In the eye of the beholder"

The easiest example is: What is "not sane" would be anything done to deliberately harm oneself or others without regard to consequences to the one or the other.

Personally, I have always considered myself sane regardless of how I get my jollies because I never stabbed anyone at the supper table.

(Disclaimer: Neither the supper table nor anywhere else! I can't have anyone run off to the can, shocked to the point of being in danger of shitting in their pants)

So...

As for this kinky crap being "sane" that's far from clear-cut. Mainstream head-shrinkers and sexuality experts might call this stuff "deviant sexual behavior", but that conclusion can and often does come from "established moral and ethical guidelines" as well as the prevailing social climate where one lives.


If residing in an area where it's completely fine to be open about how a dom or sub conducts their respective personal lives, then it's sane. If you're in a place where you'd hide what you do when the shades are down at all costs, that crowd would call it either "not sane" or just plain old "fucked up".

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Mar 23, 2023

Wiki definition

"The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it be performed with the informed consent of all parties. Since the 1980s, many practitioners and organizations have adopted the motto safe, sane and consensual, commonly abbreviated SSC, which means that everything is based on safe activities, that all participants are of sufficiently sound mind in their conduct, and that all participants do consent.[1] It is mutual consent that makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and such crimes as sexual assault and domestic violence "

autisticbarbie • Mar 24, 2023

well crap, I have no idea what sane is. Never met a sane person. I imagine they are quite boring. I'd focus more on boundaries and consent, as well as clear communication. But I don't really know anything about this lifestyle. The answer above was great.

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 24, 2023

The Wiki definition is great for defining "SSC" in legal and professional circles, but there still are variables.

"Sufficiently of sound mind" --Who defines that in the real world not just in the shrink's office?

Open to interpretation.

"Informed consent" Someone might consider themselves "informed" enough to consent, having what they believe to be a good idea of certain BDSM acts but do they have adequate experience?

I am NOT criticizing the deployment of the Wiki definition but rather repeating the gist of what I wroter earlier.

"safe and sane" are subjective terms.

I cannot conclusively define "sane" any more than I can define "normal".

That and "not sane" is not synonymous with "Insane". The latter is obvious.

Anyway to respond to the heart of the original post. "How do YOU define sane?"

I personally cannot.

"Experts" put in their opinions, but only in accordance with their personal and learned point of view, but no band of head shrinkers have ever been able to climb inside anyone's head and objectively examine what's in it.

As for the rest of original post: No I have never done anything that broke the boundaries of what I personally and subjectively determine as "sane". Can't help there.

-----------------------------------

As before, only my semi-humble opinion. A bit wordy for some I am sure, but since I cannot talk, every so often I am given to generating digital word salads.

*****

Salads are good. Dietary Fiber! Get enough of that and anyone can sit on the porcelain throne and pump out sturdy, healthy logs that Lincoln himself would have been proud to build a cabin out of.

-- except that he was likely sane enough to not use material such as that. Too pliable

Just a guess, never met the dude.

---------------------------

Peace Out

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Mar 24, 2023

What is "Sane" (in terms of how it applies to BDSM activities)?

I define it this way:

If you are intoxicated? Not sane.
If you are in a heightened emotional state? Not sane.
If you are taking prescription narcotics? Not sane.
If you are preoccupied with other things? Not sane.

To me, sane means that your mind is clear from emotional or physical effects, you are present and focused on your partner rather than focused work/school/stress/emotions/etc.

You can not ensure that you are safe if you are not sane and thus, you can not consent.

As an example: One day early on in our relationship, my former Dom and I got together for some "rage sex". I was pissed off and needed to expend some energy. He bound me to the bed and we were fucking like bunnies in heat.

He stopped the play because he could sense that my mind was not present but focused on the reason for my rage. I JUST. WASN'T. THERE.

If I wasn't present, I couldn't consent, nor could I let him know that something was beyond my limits (safe).

I wasn't "Sane".

MandatorySub • Mar 24, 2023

Thanks Doll. I really appreciate your definition. I have wondered how many people take the "sane" aspect seriously and hold themselves accountable to that standard. It is interesting to think of sane as a prerequisite for safe and consensual

cherilynn​(sub female) • Mar 26, 2023

To me, the word sane is describing someone with mental and emotional stability who is able to be rational, reasonable, and able to make make good judgments based on how their actions will affect others.

The above, for me, is a measure for determining the benefit of both friendships and especially romantic relationships.

I have worked in a prison and a psychiatric hospital and I shy away from anything in my personal life that resembles the character traits I witnessed there.

It works for me

I'mME • Mar 27, 2023

Sane to one person may not be the same to another person in regards to BDSM.

That is what the question waa pertaining to.

SSC, RACK, PRICK, FRIES (somewhat outdated)

These are acronyms for what some practice.

If you have boundaries (limits help you keep those boundaries) then I'm sure your idea of sane is contained within those boundaries.

When trying to define a term within the BDSM world, a good rule of thumb is to know your boundaries . Definitions can squif people out or have one telling another

It is too sane
..
No it's not sane.

MandatorySub • Apr 1, 2023

Wow. Yeah. Thank you. Definitely adding this to my reference list. The safest connections I've had were with people who were very mindful/ emotionally intelligent with regards to how their actions and especially words would affect me. Somehow i've never thought of it that way.