Safety in sex?

Safety in sex?

Rosey Monster • Apr 13, 2023

I've been more and more interested in getting into a more public scene. BDSM clubs sound appealing. Theoretically, I would be going on my own and not with a sexual partner. My primary worry has come in the contraction of STIs. For people who have experienced this, are there any precautions taken or vetting processes? Could you describe your steps getting involved, and what it's been like?

Miki • Apr 15, 2023

I've never had to deal with STDs and I was very active a while ago, but going out and about and getting it on with total strangers you meet in public places.. If you're looking to bet boinked by a guy, the only suggestion is a good old fashioned rubber. I know they can be somewhat of a buzz-kill, at least for the dude wearing it, but what with all the pandemic shit going on three years now, STDs seem to have fallen off the radar, but actually, STDs just don't make for hot-button news segments any longer.

Now, secondly, speaking of safety, not going out there with a sexual partner whom you know-- Nothing wrong with that, BUT you ought to bring a trusted friend or two along because let's face it, in some night spots more than others, there be creeps... or worse, just plain sick bastards.

So unless you're going to places frequented by people you've known long enough to have a fair idea of what sort of people they are away from the early-stage "best foot forward" "best behavior" bullshit ---you really need to have companions.

If or when you hit it off with someone you wanna boff, of course the companions can scatter to the four winds, but only after they get a good look at your prospective overnight partner, but where you're going.

A freak with a psychotic agenda will get all squirrly or just disappear on you if they know others know where you're going and who with.

But even then, it's a crap shoot. I know people do this every day, or just every weekend and come out just fine and well-sated--- it still only takes one psycho to end your days.

*I noted that you list as Agender. No matter. Head cases come in all shapes, sizes, genders or lack thereof.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Apr 15, 2023

The other option is that you go to a munch first and get to know the people who will be at the event. The munch will allow you to talk to them in a totally nonsexual social setting. You can see if there's anyone there you'd like to play with, or like Miki said, you might meet someone who is willing to go with you as a kind of safety buddy so you aren't meeting people cold turkey on the day and then playing around with them. I've also heard of munches being used for contract negotiations prior to the actual scene so there's no chance of clothes coming off before the details have actually been negotiated. You can take this opportunity to sound out your potential partner and see if they've been tested recently and they can ask you the same question. Good luck with it.

Miki • Apr 15, 2023

Yes, as Blondi said, (I hadn't thought of it from a BDSM context-- if you're looking for a BDSM-friendly partner, long, short, or no term, munches and similar environments are safer-- but still bring along a buddy.

If one's focus is not necessarily BDSM-oriented, as many of my excursions were when I was active-- the "ordinary" bar/club scene definitely calls for an abundance of caution.

By and large, those who go it alone end up perfectly fine, but going to night spots alone is too much like Russian roulette.

It only takes one bad connection.

I'mME • Apr 15, 2023

Rosey Monster,

What do you imagine goes on at dungeons?

I have never been to a dungeon, but I know that very few at least in the USA which is where your profile says you live, are going to have sexual acts going on. If you did happen to go to a place like that, I hope you have the knowledge that anyone who is there hooking up with strangers would have regarding STD's and how to prevent them.

Miki • Apr 16, 2023

I did fail to mention that there are those who are likely interested in this topic and thanks to the O P for bringing it up--- who don't live in areas where things like munches and relatively safe dungeons nearby... I mean the secretly kinky folk who find themselves living in one of those itty bitty funky little towns-- Y'know---small enough where everyone knows your biz-- right down to the color of all the drawers you have in your drawer-drawers in the bedroom--- That's a tough one, but even then, dive bars and flea-bag motels are probably not far from home-- and the advice remains the same. Don't go alone, and if intending to go the Milky Mile with the first one with a smile--- Raise an objection if there's a lack of protection!!