Advice on being turned down by a Dominant.

Bunnie • Apr 26, 2023

@KinkyKey,

I’m sorry to hear of this conclusion.
I do love that it sounds like you are surrounded by good (and knowledgeable) friends you can go to. And seeking feedback here was a great idea (unfortunately there will always be times when people make it more about themselves than helping the op lol… that’s just the world of online).

You definitely seem to me like you’re quite “switched on.” It never makes these experiences any less painful when they don’t go as hoped, though, which sucks. Chalk it up to experience… you know yourself better, have a more clear understanding of your boundaries, and a few new things to watch out for. Allow your grief for what you’d hoped would eventuate… that’s normal. You’ll know when you’re ready to try again. As you said, no need to rush.
Best of luck to you

Solace​(dom male) • Apr 26, 2023

I'mMe, thank you for the discussion but no. Misogyny is an aversion, dislike or contempt for women which is not what is happening here. This is an observation of mens preference from research that has been listed in this topic and you can quite easily do yourself. If these observations of a very real occurrence make you or others uncomfortable, that does not make it hate speech or aggression towards women.

Again, another person who seeks to shame men for their preference in women when they don't align with female values. I will reiterate men are allowed to have preferences just like ladies about what they value in a relationship. Notably instead of having a discussion about why men might value these things, contempt and insults are instead minted and issued.

Either accept that men have preferences or don't have them yourself.

Solace​(dom male) • Apr 26, 2023

Kinkeykey,

The age is not the only thing a person would date you for. Its like a cover page to resume, or the cover a good book. Given your disposition towards this lesson its not something your partner would ever admit to your face lest they lose your for being honest about their desires. It among many other things is a reason for people to pause and single you out of a crowd, much the same way you might find something attractive in a stream of people walking by on the street. Its not about finding a vulnerable and young impressionable piece of meat it is about being eye catching to some of the people who you could make an incredible partner with. Its the same logic as going out in public wearing nice clothes or a sexy dress, the man does doesn't fall in love with your clothes...he falls in love with the girl who caught his eye and then he got to know her.

You are absolutely welcome to take your time and find what works for you, and hopefully you find another fine Gentleman immediately you share the rest of your life with. Take the time you need especially if the age of marriage is unimportant to you. I regret that you don't have parental figures to speak with on these subjects. Asking your friends for advice (and support) is something your are correct to exercise. I may have already recommended this but if you have a chance to ask their parents or another couple who has been married or in a relationship about what makes a successful pairing or how to pick partners... it would be a great boon to you.

I regret that you find another gender's preferences archaic, this is again another form of insult and disregard for the desires of men in general. It is another reason I encourage you to seek out other men who you trust will give you flat and candid replies to the subject. I do apologize sincerely specifically to you that the subject became heated, but I accept little fault in it. They were being rude, even if it is failed to be acknowledged. I was with little time and no provocation labeled a red flag, and accused of negging women both of which are untrue. My partners in the discussion were equally capable of being respectful and showed less inclination to having a productive discussion about your circumstances as opposed to stooping to entirely to insults.

ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate} • Apr 26, 2023

Solace

Why don't you just stop now. To OP has already given you her take and so have others. You obviously cannot take a hint.... This is very unbecoming of a Dominant. You said prior that you have an obligation to defend yourself. That is not what you are doing. What you are doing is showing everyone your need to be right. This is a huge Red Flag and people are telling you this and you keep doubling down.

I am going to give you some advice. Some from someone that started in this lifestyle when you were probably just starting Kindergarten. (Not being mean, just stating fact by your age) Doms are people too. Just like everyone else. We get it wrong sometimes. You don't have to be right all the time. Stop trying to push your views on people like it is the only way to do things. There is not one way of doing something. What I am about to say is cold hard truth and I know it will probably hurt your feelings, but you need to hear it obviously. The way that you come off shows that you have the emotional abilities of someone that is still in high school. You like to use all these big wordy sentences to get your message across. This makes you look like you actually have no idea what you are talking about and are pulling this stuff out of other online articles or you are using AI to right your posts. Also, your disdain towards people of the opposite Biological Sex is apparent. You have been called out on this multiple times on this and have ignored and defended your position. This makes it look as if you are only here to find a piece of meat that you can use and then throw away when you are done with it.

If I were you, I would stop posting for a good bit, do some very deep self reflection, and then go and find yourself a mentor who can help to teach you what this lifestyle is truly about. Your perception on the matter is very off base. Learn to listen more and speak less.

Another piece of advice, and you can take it as you will. This is a very tight knit community. We all talk to one another, (right side, left side, and center of the slash) and word travels around the packs quick. You are not doing yourself any favors be trying to hold a position in which people are trying to tell you you are incorrect. Even the OP said this to you hear and you still doubled down.

Again, the purpose of this is not to be mean or bully you, it is to give you some advice from someone that has been in this lifestyle for a long time and was trained and mentored by people in the lifestyle for many years before that.