A call to: Alpha Female Subs

A call to: Alpha Female Subs

One Rookie Cookie • Aug 21, 2023

Hello everyone!
I am delighted to have been able to join such a fascinating community.

I am at the beginning of my journey of exploring the world of BDSM and my true sexuality. I'm reading a lot, looking for sources, talking to different people, trying things out, exploring. The more such conversations and materials behind me, the more I feel what I want and what has been missing in my life. What lay behind unsatisfying relationships and sex lives.

This lengthy introduction leads to a question: Alpha Female Subs, when and how did you reframe what category you fit into? How do you cope in a sea of mediocrity and blandness? Do you often hear accusations of castrating the men around you?

When are we talking about an Alpha-type person, and when are we talking about someone intelligent, has a head on their shoulders and doesn't settle for just ordinary?

Please get back to me here or in a private message. I want to discuss and confront my assumptions about myself.

A small note: I dislike to categorise, but it is a helpful procedure for researching and navigating different concepts.

/Cookie.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Aug 21, 2023

Submissives by nature are “alpha” in their entire lives. They are Type A, driven, control freaks, the ones who get shit done. You aren’t special if this is how you identify, it’s common. For there to be an Authority Exchange (fka Power Exchange) one must have something to exchange. Submissives are often in positions of authority in their careers and the act of submission offers them a place of respite. I’ve known quite a few sub males who were higher ranking military, very in control during their day to day and submissive in their private lives. It’s a place of peace and release.

An Alpha sub generally refers to one who is the first submissive in a poly relationship. The other subs are below this sub and they usually hold some authority above the others. If you are constantly trying to assert yourself over your Dom/Master, then you are probably a brat, “alpha” is not the label.

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Aug 21, 2023

I mean to me, I would describe an alpha submissive as someone who is dominant to the world, but submissive to their dom.

I feel like I could classify myself in this way. My dom is there for me, but rationally he trusts me to take care of myself and be dominant in every aspect, besides the one where I submit to him when he needs or wants it.

I'mME • Aug 22, 2023

I prefer to just be myself. I really like people (this includes Doms) who get to know someone before they start telling me what I am. Im not compatible with folks who think in blanket statements. You would have to define what your definition of intelligence is in order for me to speak on if I'm intelligent. When it comes to a Dom and castigation, I don't treat people different just bc they assign a title to themselves. People can be or try to be anything they want online, it could all be a facade, they may turn around after giving council to people on here and kick their dog..
Or their child.

If I feel submissive towards someone, then it's natural for me to sit back but that doesn't mean that I don't have boundaries.

One Rookie Cookie • Aug 22, 2023

Thank you for your responses and for sharing your perspective.
In terms of nomenclature, I have come across the use of the term alpha sub both for the aforementioned harem settings and towards a very dominant and independent person. However, one has to take into account that these are online sources and books but not knowledge derived from conversations that are part of local BDSM communities. I take it with a fair amount of caution.

Anyway, I am still searching for answers to my questions and observing myself to place myself in this new context.

I'll be pleased to hear other people's perspectives. I'm not closing the thread, I am merely expressing my gratitude to those who have commented so far.

Thank you!

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Aug 22, 2023

I live the lifestyle in person. I am part of a community and I’ve been involved in the lifestyle for 20 years. I also do not believe in “one twue way” BS. That being said I stand by what I said. Most submissives are “alpha” in their vanilla lives, it’s more common than not. So does this mean that most submissives are going to tack “alpha” onto their name? No, because it makes no sense in terms of a BDSM relationship. Are you going to be an “alpha” to your dominant? I hate to tell you, that’s a brat and is an entire different creature of its own.

If you attend any BDSM function you will see that submissives are the ones running then show and getting crap done. They are just transferring their vanilla life skills and personalities onto a lifestyle responsibility. My boi is in a lifestyle club with all bottoms, bois, boys and when they organize they can move mountains and I guarantee they only call themselves alpha if they are in a hierarchy poly relationship

One Rookie Cookie • Aug 22, 2023

@djinni
Good for you that you found your place in the community. I hope sooner than later I'll find a person kind enough to introduce me to the scene and who would remember how it was being flooded with contradicting information flowing from all sides at the beginning. Not to mention figuring things out for yourself.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Aug 23, 2023

Sorry Djinni, but I have to correct you on this statement.

Brats are not trying to assert themselves over the Dom/Master. It is closer akin to primal play, when the two partners come together, snarling, biting, wrestling. Is one trying to assert themselves over another or are they mutually building the intensity and passion?

In my opinion, it it the latter. The Brat uses Bratting to intensify the dominant nature, to bring it forward with the goal that the Brat will be overpowered.

Remember, this is an agreed upon dynamic so for the Dominant in a Dom/Brat dynamic, he views the Brat as providing the service is the stimulant he needs in order to feel a greater sense of himself.

Some people are so centered, that it takes a powerful force in order to stir the soul. Bratting is a way to do that.

autisticbarbie • Aug 24, 2023

Hi - I'm submissive to men who I view as 'mentors' or superior to me in some way. Finding one of those online has been impossible, so I just decided to Dom myself and focus on dollification. I'm extremely Type B irl and have always relied on male partners to set the pace of the relationship and lead when I was in relationships.

I find the women on this site and other fetish sites to be highly intelligent. The men who like me not as much (I've only tried Doms and it could be selection bias). I wish I could do this D/s stuff with a female but I'm not wired that way.

Welcome to the community and please do stick around. We need more women like yourself on this site. Be well

AlphaVixen​(sub female) • Aug 25, 2023

This is a blog post that a friend of mine sent to me when I started to explore the BDSM communities.
It described me perfectly!
https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/self-understanding/alpha-submissives/

I hope this helps.