'Can we talk? Can we be friends?'

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 19, 2023

Send them a link to this thread when they write

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 19, 2023

A bit of an adjustment.. There is yet another guy in here who writes on and off with no agenda..

So there are men out there who are cool enough to just be friends, even on this site which, while not a dating site save for the Personals still doesn't quite lend itself to "just friends"-- and Ithere's nothing "wrong" with that... it's working as-designed and intended.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 19, 2023

Took your advice..... X

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Oct 20, 2023

Low effort people are low value people.
Such types only drag you down.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 21, 2023

I don't really pre-emptively message a lot of people on here, and when I do- which is pretty rare- it's mostly either to respond to a blog post or to a comment on the forums, and not with the intent of a hook-up. However, that is mostly because I use this site mainly for the blogs and the forums and while I can't honestly say I'm absolutely NOT looking for a connection, (Because I'm always open to it) it isn't the main reason I'm here.

With that said, I can see how annoying it must be for people to constantly have to sort through a barrage of annoying and creepy messages from people who you either don't know- or have no real interest in getting to know.

Thing is, we ARE talking and we CAN be friends...which is what the forums are for.! Even though I've never met anyone from this site in person, I've met a lot of people on line here through these forums who I enjoy taking with and sharing ideas with. And yes, many of them are people who I probably wouldn't be compatible with in a relationship.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 21, 2023

I almost never "reach out" as in initiate conversations. Usually to ask a question or lend encouragement to someone who might get battered on in here for their opinion which [gasp!] happens from time to time in here and elsewhere online. So of course no "pre-emtive" messaging of any sort. It would only encourage undesirable contact:

"Oh you messaged me. You must be hot for me." even though there's one dude I ran into in here who was only trying to be amusing.

But I always reply, even to obvious tools, to do them the courtesy of a ""No Thanks"

lambsone • Oct 21, 2023

I recently had a brief conversation with a Dom who contacted me. He didn't fill out his profile so I asked him some questions which he answered quickly and briefly. Then he said: tell me about yourself. I'm thinking: my profile is quite detailed, so no I won't tell what I already wrote. Go read it if you are interested. So that one ended up being a flash in the pan. We talked for a bit more, he said he had to get some things done and would talk to me again later that day. So guess what? He didn't contact me again. I asked if he decided to pass, and I got ghosted. So ... you win some, and you lose some. And you keep searching for the right one.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 21, 2023

Meh...

If the other party stops replying I leave it at that. I never write back "Where did you go?" Why give an E-ghost the satisfaction.

As for profiles, you occasionally get either of the two extremes, ones that never look at a profile save to get to "send message"--- or you get the profile police who render judgements based on how "thick" or "thin" one's profile is as to whether you're worth anything or not.

Mostly I get those who missed that which sits atop mine: "Not Looking" , write with request to meet up

I got one of those yesterday, from a dude overseas no less. Of course I replied, "No, but thank you." -- duly noting the fact that he is in Europe, that I work crazy hours and, by the way, I'm not looking.

He never replied. Exactly what I was hoping for in light of the fact that some time back a guy even offered to hop a plane just to meet me. Even if I were "looking" I would absolutely never allow that. First of all I wouldn't want anyone to go to such expense just for a meet-up-- and also if one were to do that then it would be as if I owe them something.

I owe nothing to anyone in that regard and it will always be that way. I ask nothing and I accept nothing-- well except maybe a coffee when working a day shift at my job and hitting the lunch scene.

___________________________

Side note with a nod to the Topic heading: I have seen the ads for a thing called "It's Just Lunch" or something like that. Nice idea although it is kind of a pre-dating site and I don't do Online shit-- but it's an idea worth exploring for people who just want a casual and safe way to meet a contact of interest the first time without the risk of "Hey, let's hit the sheets!"-- It's lunch and both ought to get back to work.