Thoughts and advice

Thoughts and advice

Nightingales • Oct 23, 2023

There is an online dynamic, both Dom and sub are happy within it. They live in two different countries, so it's strictly online.
Dom asked sub if she is willing to find someone local to do a task with, take photos and send to him. She agrees and finds someone who she believes is knowledgeable, understands what she is asking of him and willing.
They meet and the encounter quickly goes from fun and pleasing her Dom, to brutal and being ashamed to tell her Dom what happened.
She tells her Dom, who rightfully so, suggests reporting but tells her the choice is hers.
The needed time for physical healing takes place. He also gives her as much time as she needs for mental recovery.
She has the craving for BDSM activity, but when she goes to ask for what is wanted, fear is instantly there. Not of her Dom, he still has her trust. Instead it is a fear that is felt for everything previously liked.
Suggestions on how to move past this or work theough it?

Miki • Oct 23, 2023

Involving a 3rd party is high risk.

There are more creeps and losers out there than many want to contemplate let alone admit.

The only thing that's going to get her past this is time.

That, patience and understanding from the long distance dom and herself -- that this was not her fault. The third party was a sonofabitch.

If she still has the trust of the long distance dude, that's a big positive to hang onto. But as for fearing that which she used to enjoy.... no easy fix for that, not that anyone here thinks there would be one.

Though she craves BDSM activity, she has to accept that kink is not the be-all and end-all of life and relationships and she needs to step away from this stuff for a while. Allow time to heal and gain perspective.


Having never experienced anything remotely like this I can only speak in general terms "as if I did" ----and what I would do is skip this shit for a while... as long as it takes to accept that this unfortunate encounter is not BDSM, just the act of sack of shit.

The bad experience, to put it mildly, will ruin BDSM for quite a while, but it is survivable.

I am sorry to read all this, but it does happen and sharing that experience may help others either cope with anything foul they ran across--- or avoid it altogether. Online Only BDSM is problematic at best over the long term and miles down the road she might want to rethink doing it if she craves BDSM activity and is once again ready for it. It is really best with a dominant with whom she can develop a dynamic and experience it with him in person---not online using substitutes for when simply performing for a webcam doesn't punch the ticket.

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Such is my opinion. I'm sure others have theirs. Treat it like a buffet bar of sorts. Just take what you want/what helps the most and leave the rest.