Lifestyle Ebb & Flow

Lifestyle Ebb & Flow

Sololoquy • Oct 26, 2023

Those of you who are doing this 24/7 or lifestyle, how do you feel when having longer periods of vanilla? What effect does it have when you ramp up again?

I assume there are periods when you have to deal with illness or family get-togethers or some business trip that takes you away from kink for a few days perhaps. If you have a partner, I can see that continuing more low-key, but if you're solo and in this situation, do you feel like you miss it, or does it help to recharge, or something else?

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 26, 2023

Can you elaborate a little?

How can you be living 24/7 if you are solo?

Sololoquy • Oct 26, 2023

I wasn't restricting the question to 24/7 or solo, so it could be much more than bedroom only and solo, or 24/7 partnered, or whatever combo.

I mean, if 24/7 allows for not being explicitly kinky while asleep, at work, dealing with kids, talking to parents, dealing with vanilla duties outside kink, and all the remaining time is spent in a kink dynamic, then I don't think it's any less possible for someone who's solo. Outside of everything I just mentioned, I govern the rest of my time according to the dynamic I'm in.

I use the Obedience app with rewards and punishments for habits and tasks, I have regular scenes, I spend a lot of time planning scenes and writing about kink, learning about kink, looking at how the dynamic suits my needs and so on. If it isn't 24/7, I'm not sure how I could really fit more in. It's certainly far more than bedroom only anyway.

But as I say, it's open to anyone not doing bedroom only really.

Bunnie • Oct 26, 2023

Longer periods of “vanilla” make me feel disconnected from my Sir, and myself. I can kind of go into “shut down” mode for a period of time, but eventually I begin to feel generally “off” and the cracks begin showing through. This is why I find rituals important, because even seemingly “simple” things, like putting on His shoes of a morning, helps to keep a little bit of balance.

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Oct 26, 2023

My Dom and I are LDR, and we both have busy jobs and travel a lot. But even so, I view this as a 24/7 dynamic. My submission to him is not just for when we are together, or when we are together and in the bedroom.

I have rules I must follow every day, regardless of where we are. I think about him all day, and am constantly trying to behave in a way that would make him proud. Because of this, I have become a better person in many ways and I love him for it.

MCCheer​(sub female) • Oct 26, 2023

I can relate to both Bunnie and a PeepingMom.

I am a single mom and was in an LDR so my home life has had to be very "dominant" in nature but that is exhausting to me. Having rules and rituals even long distance, helped to keep my subbie mindset comfortable.

I am diving into my submission for the next little bit. What does it mean to me? How can I "do better"? Pondering my wants and needs as an individual and from a dynamic, what can I bring to the dynamic/offer my Dominant? Things like that. Things that make me think and grow.

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2023

If you live it 24/7 there's no time that you're vanilla, simply times when you're not exerting your dominance for sexual gain.

Miki • Oct 27, 2023

Never lived BDSM 24/7 but I canidentify with periods of "doing without" even though my span of solitude is much longer than most in this thread would experience, but next Spring I'll have been a lone non-wolf for 4 years. I oft describe myself as "reclusive"-- not a "recluse (hermit) by any stretch of the imagination, rather, I give off an "unapproachable" air. I'll mnod, wave at acquaintences when I am out and about but I do not tarry long with any individual or group. People who know me even a little don't appear to mind. Those who know me and how communicating with me is more than cumbersome, it's a downright pain in the ass for regular folks. So they're happy with the nod, wave or quick smile. (don't blink)

it was hardly a tough adjustment even though the onslaught of COVID sent me to the "sidelines" faster than I'd expect..

Once they started "opening things up" I was quite used to going to my job, going home, relaxing with a good book on nights I was not scheduled to work and I decided to stay on the "sidelines", going out to store or whatever as needed but making quick work of the shopping list and returning home.

Of course those is just my experience and preferences and I doubt that many-- or any others in here can identify.. which is perfectly OK by me.