Does it make me a bad person for always fantasizing about this life style.

Does it make me a bad person for always fantasizing about th

ky guy Newbie • Nov 15, 2023

Hello everybody see I'm a very shy and laid back person and try not to take anything personal . But it seems that people think of me of a bad person cause of my fantasy of being a submissive slave. Plus I need to know if I fantasy about being tied up and being used by woman and men in anyway they like would I be considered gay them cause I've never been with a man but the thought of being taken by a couple or group and then forcing me to be tied down and toutcheredv and humiliated gets my sex drive thru the roof but I've never have anyone to even try it on me I think it would be the best experiance of my life

Miki • Nov 15, 2023

It really depends on whom you raise this subject with. There's nothing wrong with how you fantasize, but if you're getting negative feedback it could be that those doing that don't like your approach.

Fantasies shouldn't be brought up right out of the box.

Personally I would see it as TMI, but I would be diplomatic in informing you to tone it down for a while. Such activities should be discussed in private with someone you're already in a situation with.

Other than that, if you're posting such fantasies in here right from Jump, you may not get negative feedback, but you might not receive any any responses at all.

As such you could post some of your desires either on your profile under "BDSM and Me" and/or the Personals section.

The forums pretty much are for discussion, questions... happy horseshit like that.

Steellover​(sub male) • Nov 16, 2023

Well, I've been in his shoes, and so I can sympathise with what he's experiencing. First off, I think Miki had a really good response above (so thank you for that.) But second, as someone who is new to experiencing these feelings, I know first hand how overpowering it can be. The thoughts he expressed in his opening post- I've had those thoughts (And I still do!) and, particularly if they are new to you, it is the most overpowering and intense erotic feeling you can ever experience.

But one mistake a lot of new submissives make is, their intense desire to experience these things first hand, and to live out their fantasies, can overcome both common etiquette and good sense. What I mean is, take this example:

Vanilla Joe: (responding to a girl on some vanilla dating site.) "I can't wait to (Blank) the (Blank) out of you and give you screaming orgasms!"
Vanilla Jill: (Responding to Joe) "(Blank) off, creep!"

Now, lets substitute Kinky Tom for Joe:
Kinky Tom: (Responding to a girl on a fetish/BDSM dating site) "I want you to tie me up, spank me, paddle me, tie me up, pee in my mouth, degrade me and use me as a fluffer for your well hung lovers."
Kinky Marie: (Responding to Tom:) "In your dreams, wanker!"

In other words, even though the sexual activities in question are quite different, Vanilla Joe and Kinky Tom's approach is the same- and it is a deeply flawed approach. Kinky Tom's desires may be much more intense than Joe's, and his activities much more extreme- but regardless, if you are that forward right off the bat, it will scare people off. You have to connect with people as real people first, before delving into the kink stuff.

Miki • Nov 16, 2023

@Steelover You (along with others) make it sound like "vanilla" (I despise that term. I find it condescending, but that's only my POV) sites are a bad thing.

These days I find myself spending more time on those (not hook up sites, I'm rather done with the sex scene) than this one.

Mostly because I enjoy discussing things other than screwing around.

But hell, to each their own.

Steellover​(sub male) • Nov 16, 2023

Oh I'm sorry; I don't mean to imply that non-kink related sites are bad at all. I'm sorry you read into it that way. I, too, peruse such sites looking for a potential romantic partner. I was only trying to make a point that the same rules for how to approach a potential person of interest still apply, whether it's a kink-friendly site or not.

Robespierre​(dom male) • Nov 16, 2023

For my own part, I don't believe you're a bad person only because you feel and fantasise the way you do. However, I wouldn't walk around with a sign saying "I'm a Dom/Master seeking a sub/slave to train and mold to my liking". It is sad and pathetic but the society we live in does frown upon the lifestyle.

Best example to that effect I found on this very platform. A D/s couple that opened up to their close non-kink/vanilla (sorry Minki) faced terrible consequences. While she met with a close friend to further explain their dinamics, her received the unsolicited visit of the police who dragged him away and put him into custody before the couple's lawyer could post bail. If I'm correct a trial may be on the cards.

Similarly, police knocked at my door asking my partner whether she was okay. They were following up on a call they had received from a concerned citizen that day.

It seems to me that in our society contrary to what people say, tolerance and acceptance of a divergent lifestyle is almost non-existent. Moreover Dom's/Dommes, Masters/Mistresses constantly live with a foot behind bars if they aren't careful.

My six cents to this.