Aftercare Advice and Info needed

Aftercare Advice and Info needed

ArthursKnight​(sub trans man) • Nov 16, 2023

Hi
I will start by saying I'm very much a beginner and I've never had an experience with another person irl. I thought this website would be the best place to ask a few things.
My first question is: since sub drop is linked to an adrenaline rush etc., can a sub still experience it with their own fantasies? Because sometimes, I feel I do... Some kinky people I know in my fandom also say drops can happen after a Fandom Convention and non-kinky people just don't have a name for it, and again: I think I experienced it.
Second: what are some good ways to find out which aftercare is best for you? I've seen many different ways for aftercare, from special foods to blankets to cuddling etc. How do you know something is good for you in that moment?

MCCheer​(sub female) • Nov 16, 2023

Arthursknight, yes I think sub drop can happen from all sorts of situations and they don't even have to involve kink or sex. I used to have an LDR with my Dom. Whenever he would come to town, even if we just had dinner, I would often go into drop because of it.

As far as aftercare, no one can really tell you what will work for you. I like to have a warm fuzzy blanket, some cuddles, some water, and sometimes a shower. I know someone who wants to have her head in her Dom's lap and just listen to him talk to others. It's really different strokes for different folks and you will need to try through trial and error what works best. I started out using what I want when I am sad that has nothing to do with subdrop or BDSM. Just food for thought.

ArthursKnight​(sub trans man) • Nov 17, 2023

Oh that's really interesting to know actually. I always thought it wasn't possible for it to something related to sex/kink and this is further confirmation.

Yeah from what I've seen it looks different for literally everyone... Which makes it a bit confusing. I'll try out a few things and see how it goes! Thank you for your answer!!

captainwaddles • Nov 21, 2023

You can get drop from lots of potential sources, and there are probably lots of variety of drop too. It may not even be one thing, if anyone has any research on it I'd be curious to read it.

So a bit of introspection, and perhaps a conversation with your partner if they are experienced might help you work out what is best for you. Regardless of your experience there are two main things you need to address.

The first is the physical component of drop, and the second is the psychological. A good place to start is working out which of these two is the predominant factor for you. You might already know, or you might need to experiment. One way to look at that is to treat both and see which one you naturally want to give priority to, which one helps you to feel more centred more rapidly.

So let's break down what works for each, as it isn't immediately obvious. As you say, a large physical component of drop is chemical and physiological. Make sure the submissive partner isn't dehydrated by having water on hand and having the dominant partner offer tt (depending on what you are doing that might be natural because the dominant partner is likely a bit parched after a session). Manage blood sugar, so see if having a cube or two of chocolate on hand helps. It's called aftercare, but this is something that might be worth doing before a session. Do you drop more if you play on an empty stomach? Then 'after'care might consist of scheduling play such that you don't heighten that risk with an disturbing lack of pizza.

I'm sure all that you have tried, however, keep in mind that the submissive's brain might be flooded with chemicals telling them they are in danger. You can manage this by, well adjusting the chemicals in the submissive partners brain. So hugs, cuddles, kind words and reassurance so that things like oxytocin kick in and help the submissive partner feel safe and nurtured. People tend to think of these as more about treating the emotional or psychological component of drop, but for some submissives they may actually be effective because they are addressing a physiological situation.

Another thing I would caution is that we tend to think of aftercare as something we do after play, but part of what makes it effective is how we act the rest of the time. This can include just being reliable, do what you say you are going to do, don't do what you say you wont. Even if that doesn't prevent drop, it can help the submissive partner to know their dominant partner is there and a rock they can hold on to while things whirl around them. I'm sure your partner is already doing all this, but you can do things to reinforce it - having your partner convey that reliability more explicitly (today we will do X, but not Y, then do X and not Y) might help. If you are the kind of submissive who draws a lot of strength in difficult moments from your bond with your partner, then you may find that technique useful.

At the other time horizon, aftercare isn't just immediately after play. Sometimes a text the day after is enough to stop invasive thoughts or the sads. It's worth looking at the time horizon of what works to help you manage drop to see if you can figure out how you drop and how to manage it. If you experience drop as extreme anxiety the next day, maybe something like that next day text will work for you.

Hope that helps.

MCCheer​(sub female) • Nov 21, 2023

And subs don't forget your Dom could drop too. So many things can start to go through their heads after the fact. It's always good to check in with them just like they do with you. (Something I never thought about in my first experience but recognized in my second Dom.)

Sweet Minx​(sub female){NotLooking} • Nov 21, 2023

Love this topic ♡

LordofPain56 • Nov 21, 2023

From the beginning, I never knew there was such a thing as "aftercare", yet I had instinctively been performing my own version, mainly to ease pain and redness, but also to reduce or minimize shock. After an intense bondage/flogging session, I would quickly remove her velcro restraints and lay her on the bed where I would rub aloe lotion all over the affected areas. I kept one of those cheap, thin felt blankets nearby and would spread it over her. I would lie next to her and reach my hands under the blanket continuing to rub and soothe her sore spots. You could hear her moaning....Ahhhh. I would stay with her and keep one hand on her to let her know I was there and she was safe with me. Sometimes she would fall asleep (which is what I hoped would happen). I would go get a cold glass of grape or orange juice with a straw she could suck out of when she woke up.
Later on, I heard about this thing called "drop" and still don't know what it is or what it feels like, but I have not been active the last couple decades, so nobody is in danger of getting that from me now.