Writing vs phone vs chat

Writing vs phone vs chat

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jan 12, 2024

To me, generally the 'best' format for communication is face to face. That incorporates things like tone, visual cues, as well as words.

Online? i like writing as a means of getting to know someone, hands down. Consequently, i don't find many who want to connect or interact with me.

To me, phone feels too fast. It's easier to talk over the other, not hear as much or respond as much.

With missives, you have time to read, re-read, think, ponder, respond, read your own response and refine it to (hopefully) respond more deeply and thoroughly.

Chat? To me, chat is useful for a quick message. Sort of like a peck on the cheek vs a full blown French kiss lol. The format is rife with pitfalls, usually so quick and short that it feels like being stuck in the shallow end of the pool to me.

Interested to see how others see and experience these three modes.

SAXMANIAC​(sub female) • Jan 12, 2024

For me, writing is even better than face to face for all the reasons you mentioned: I can think about what I want to say, make edits, additions, and corrections before sending it.

Chat is the best way to get a message misunderstood.

"Would you like to go out tonight?"
"Yeah. Whatever."
"So..you don't want to go out?"
LOL

Phone calls can be very intimate and sexy. When Sir calls me I turn off the lights, close my eyes and get under the covers like a love sick school girl. The world fades away and it's just me and his voice.

Bunnie • Jan 13, 2024

I’m much the same as you, @tallslenderguy.
I liken face-to-face as getting to know eachother from the outside in. Whereas writing I see as getting to know eachother from the inside out. Ideally I’d love a combo of both, but writing allows for less distractions
Phone chat isn’t something I’m a huge fan of because it feels a bit impersonal to me… perhaps because I mostly use it as a form of correspondence in regards to “everyday life” (booking appts etc).
Video chat is better but I rarely sit still long enough to be able to do that frequently. Writing also allows for my squirrel brain to come and go and be able to respond in a way that suits the way I am, not so much based on a timeframe

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jan 13, 2024

i love this!! This describes how i feel so well. <3

ThirtyFourPointFive • Jan 13, 2024

I agree completely. My favorite thing after face to face is meeting my S.O. in bed on the telephone.
Setting the stage by text before with very general instructions. On the phone, I will have her describe the feel of the sheets, exactly what she is wearing, how the material feels on her skin. GIving precise instructions what she can touch and what she cannot, how long to linger in each place. Making her ask permission before she is allowed to come..
It is a decent substitute when you cannot be together.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 13, 2024

I have never used phone, re a call, as first/early means of convo, only much, much later on when trust has been established, my phone number is very precious, so sharing is a major progression of trust, intimacy. So for me its writing first, either pms or email (a dummy one) then moving to a live chat, via writing next (Bond on here or the chat room), then if things are going well, then moving to video chat, which I consider to be as good as in person, better than a voice phone call, then if those I am chatting with are in my locale, then in person, with the other methods as additions to keeping the friendship, dynamic going, when not in person after a connection has been made.

I like writing, and therefore find it a natural means of communication first, for me, except via txt, I dislike txting a lot, even after that degree of trust has been established.

Obviously this is for online meets, after talking to someone at a munch, event, workshop etc depending I might move to video chat before written communication, much depends on what the other party wants to do.

Cognizant​(sadist male) • Jan 13, 2024

Good topic - I was about to post something similar when I found yours.

I'm gonna be lazy right now and not google an accurate statement, BUT, nonverbal, makes up roughly 90%^ of how humans communicate. This is anything from a nod or wave from across the room, to tone or inflection of your voice to position or stance - to crossing arms or legs to flopping your arms around while you talk, facial expressions and even ones that happen completely by subconscious reaction that we don't realize we are doing or seeing in someone else. This means face to face is best. How many of you can finish the sentence of your partner or best friend, or maybe a close sibling? How many of you can spot a feature of someone from a distance and make a snap judgement about that person? that's how nonverbal manifests itself into communication. I've had great conversations with friends without saying a word and I've exchanged ideas and common thoughts with complete strangers from across a busy bus platform. . .

So - writing would only be accurately interpreted about 10% of the time - even concise, accurate, specific language and punctuation can easily be misunderstood. short a cryptic text message filled with shortened easy to type fake words and emogi images is maybe under 5% accuracy rate. Easily misconstrued and misunderstood.

Social media is weird in that people post random thoughts or random activities and a "Wham" statement and they aren't looking for a rebuttal, they are looking for affirmation. "I had an egg and bacon sandwich for breakfast" is an example. . . . .now if you replied to me with what you had for breakfast or that I should eat healthier, I would take that as simple conversation beginning. . . . . . .most online seem to take it as a personal attack or challenge to their choices because all too often when I make such a comment, the original poster gets angry, rather then continuing the conversation in a natural or normal fashion. . . . I do NOT understand this phenomenon.

If I'm talking to someone and I say "I had an egg and bacon sandwich for breakfast" I would expect them to reply with something similar and they would expect me to continue the conversation in a normal back and forth fashion - but if they instead received silence (ghosting) or an triggered angry response they would think I was way over reacting or super rude. . . . .but when this happens online it is somehow now considered normal, I find that weird.

I've written my two cents worth, now I'll sit back and hopefully learn something.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jan 13, 2024

For those who want to nerd out, here's some science on the topic (it's long). Interesting find that with kids, texting can actually help develop communication skills and establish/maintain bonding... but that's with youth developing. One might infer, some never grow up? (kidding)
There is some good study info in this article, including finding variables that skewed results. Here's an excerpt:

"4.5. Conclusion
Overall, the current findings provide important information about the role that communication habits have on relationship outcomes. Our results suggest that although texting can provide certain affordances for general conversation and keep partners connected, it does not contribute to understanding and relationship satisfaction in the same way that FtF communication does. For the time being, it seems that traditional FtF interaction remains the hallmark of communication in romantic relationships."

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2451958821000361

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jan 14, 2024

When reviving my college career, I had the opportunity to take a course in Business communications.

One of the most important issues in that course was learning when to choose the proper channel. By channel, I mean face to face, phone, email, text...extectra. Most of the time, the proper channel is determined by the information needed to be communicated.


Over time, I found I needed to apply this to my BDSM activities as well. Not everything needs or should be done face to face.

The problem is to learn what and when and how.

PrincessLemon​(sub female) • Jan 15, 2024

Maybe it’s because I’m from a younger generation(?), but texting is much better for me communication wise since I can think about what I want to say and not “shut down” when I try to communicate my emotions.

I never liked talking on the phone since I can’t hear what the other person are saying clearly and also I get distracted or disinterested in the conversation.

With texting I can text then swipe and do something else while waiting for their response.

I agree that the tone gets misinterpreted during text and people think you are “attacking” them even if you aren’t. Actually a lot of my friends use tone indicators so people know their tone (/gen, /srs,/j)

Also for us Gen Zs emojis are basically our tone indicators (if you know which emojis represent what) So I guess it just depends??

I went on a little rant above but yeah haha.

I like FtF when I want to hang out and just vibe with others and be intimate.

What is email? 😂