Looking for advice

ThirtyFourPointFive • Jan 19, 2024

Thanks to everyone for the great advice.

ThirtyFourPointFive • Jan 19, 2024

Sorry, I meant to reply to your message.
We actually had this conversation... the first time we split over the move.
I then wished her a Happy Thanksgiving and we were back at it.
I think it has to do with our backgrounds being so very different, not that she doesn't try. She is a good person.

Drinfear​(dom male){Owns PFP} • Jan 19, 2024

Boss? I do not know you, OR your situation.. *I* am lucky enough to have a sub literally half My age after 6 years together.. She went back to stay with her Dad for 6 months after being with Me for 2 and a half years.. We ALWAYS had things to talk about, even if it was just the things that had happened since last we talked.. (To be fair and honest, she came to Me online [via vanilla umbrella] weeks after her 21st birthday.. *I* thought she was too young and probably too immature, so chose to scare her away.. But the more of My deep dark secrets I revealed, the bigger her smile got, and the closer she came to Me.. *sigh* NOW, I can't imagine a life without her in it, and SHE claims although I am only the THIRD man to ever touch her, I will be the LAST) We ALWAYS find things to do together, be it going out (shopping, clubbing, or otherwise) sharing videos or insights said videos bring us, or watchimg movies together (I ABHOR musicals, but will watch them for/with her).. NOTHING in ANY lasting relationship should be forced.. It should flow like a stream through your life.. If it is forced, regardless of your feelings, it's not the glass slipper you're looking for.. I hope this helps, boss..

ThirtyFourPointFive • Jan 19, 2024

Wow.. Great words Drinfear! I have been looking for that person I cannot live without for years with no success. Congratulations on finding that needle in the haystack! G

I'mME • Jan 20, 2024

ThirtyFourPointFive,

D/s is not just about sex. So if y'all don't have anything else in common, just be play partners.

Drinfear​(dom male){Owns PFP} • Jan 21, 2024

Boss? I'm a VERY lucky bastage.. Always have been.. Just keep in mind, just like I did, the one for you is searching for YOU JUST as hard as YOU are looking for HER..

stairwaytoheaven​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2024

I am amazed at how many people think that Dom/Sub relationships are different than vanilla. They are the same, except for the sex play. Mutual respect, mutual interests, compatible lifestyles... A relationship is a relationship, otherwise it is just sex vanilla or kinky... stay friends and have great kinky sex, but if you cannot stay in a room together with your clothes on, have dinner, a conversation? It is not a relationship.

stairwaytoheaven​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2024

Well spoken my friend. Words of a TRUE dom, not a wanna be. Amazing you have what you have. I had it for 10 years. Cherish it... I have not found it again since she passed over the rainbow bridge.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Feb 17, 2024

These thoughts are solely based on my own experiences. Pick what resonates and toss the rest!

Finding out what your partners thoughts are in the matter would be second. First would be to search yourself. Determine what you truly want and what you can do to make it happen without feeling like your carrying the lions share of the dynamic.

I tend to visualize all relationships within an environment. Each person contributes to the nutrients needed in order to thrive together. The soil, if you will, makes the difference.

Using the analogy of plants, not all plants can thrive in the same environment. However, many times it is our own relationship with ourselves that contributes to the amount of nourishment we bring to the environment of the relationship. Sometimes we have an abundance, other times barely any - the ebb and flow is just part of life.

Sometimes we can expect our needs to be met within the relationship more than what is available at the time. Especially, happiness.

This might be a good time to review your own wellbeing; physical, emotional, financial, social, spiritual, relational, professional, and educational. If there is an area that needs attention this might be pulling on the connection causing a strain. There can't be a fulfilling dynamic if you are not fulfilled in your own life as an individual.

My First thought was on the simple side. It sounds as though the energy input is focused on the D/s dynamics being primary. This is cool as long as it's what you both want. However, if you want more stimulation surrounding this that is where the review comes in. Bringing freshness to the environment will automatically improve things.

Another thought: too much time together Can have a negative affect. Having a fulfilling life outside the relationship is ( in my opinion) a more sustainable way to keep the relationship fresh.

At the end of the day, you determine the value of the dynamic and whether to put the effort in to keep it going.