D/S dynamic....Reality or myth?

Drinfear​(dom male){Owns PFP} • Feb 3, 2024

I have been living this Lifestyle, nay, I have been EMVBRACING the lifestyle for 30 years now..I LIVE to show girls the way this dynamic SHOULD work from the ground up..

LilSugarFairy​(sub female) • Feb 5, 2024

I have a feeling this is gonna be long, so fair warning.

I think everyone starts out with the idea fantasy of it all. Whether you read about it, saw it in a movie or someone brought you in with notions of sexy appeal, something sparked your interest in this lifestyle. For me, I was always attracted to dominate men before I knew the word "dominant". When I found out about BDSM, everything just made total sense. While I did research, there's a lot of stuff that I read that I eventually figured out wasn't even realistic. I wouldn't say I was disappointed.. instead, I viewed it as a learning experience.

1) People are still people.
- Regardless if you're a Dom, Domme, sub, little, slave... each person is more than just a Dom or just a sub. We each have our own personalities and because of that, Dom's shouldn't be expected to be emotionless and subs shouldn't be expected to be sex slave robots 100% of the time.

2) Just because you title yourself (Dom, sub etc) doesn't mean you're a good one or even the right person for each other.
- Take BDSM for what it is... just like in a vanilla sense where people search out for the person that completes them and they get married, have children and grow old together... the same underlining base should still be the same. A person with any title doesn't mean they don't have red flags of their own and just because someone has the title of Dom and the other has the title of sub doesn't mean they fit together like a puzzle piece. You're still meshing 2 personalities, experience, desires, and dynamic criteria. If you don't know what you want from the ground up, figure it out and be open about it.
"I've never been in a Master/sub dynamic before but looks like something I would be interested in. What do you expect out of your sub as a Master/Mistress?"

3) Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
- Just because a dynamic failed, doesn't mean BDSM as a whole is the problem (refer to the previous points). Think about what works best for you and then don't settle. Don't be disappointment because A Dom/Domme wasn't the right fit for you or a sub wasn't the right fit for you. What can you learn from that experience that will help you moving forward? If BDSM at it's root core is something that works for you, then it's only a matter of just finding the right person for you but realize that it could take time.

Realizing what works and what doesn't comes from experience and there's nothing wrong with that. Failure gives you experience.

In a perfect world, I'd have play sessions with my Daddy multiple times a week... but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. Sometimes I'm sick, he might hurt his hand carrying a gas canister up the stairs because he almost tripped, his cat died and he's so distraught that the day is better spent cuddled up under a blanket with a hot drink watching a movie.

D/s is beautiful, comforting, exciting and fulfilling but it takes time to learn, grow and discover what works best for you. Don't be disappointed or discouraged, it's all apart of learning and just trying to find the right person for you.

Unapologetic • Feb 5, 2024

It has been great hearing from so many of you! Thank you for sharing your experience and your wisdom.

Steellover​(sub male) • Feb 6, 2024

I think Littlegirllovekisses post just nails it, and that somewhat echos my own experience with BDSM.

It was like, being overwhelmed at first with these newly discovered feelings and heart-racing kinks and desires, and recklessly blundering into it like so many clueless newbs. But, over time, learning and discovering what works for me and what doesn't, what I am really truly seeking and what I don't really want, what is fantasy and should remain so, and what is realistic. Red flags, green lights, hard limits, soft limits, expectations and overall relationship goals have likewise evolved.

I also really treasure all the insights, knowledge and experience that people on here (both subbie and Dom, male and female) have shared. That has also been helpful.