More for thoughts then anything:

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Mar 11, 2024

What Miki said.

Too many people play with too many things without a solid foundation of trust and respect.

Not saying the OP did that. But if you don't have them, then exes may start saying things like that, post the events and breakup, rather than respecting what was. They may not choose to acknowledge to themselves or others that it was okay with them at the time.

Fuck knows I've done things that, post the end, I've thought 'ewww' of myself. But I accept the responsibility of knowing that, at the time, I was okay with it. I don't get to be not okay with it afterwards just because I've changed my mind about the bloke and the longevity of our relationship.

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 11, 2024

quote truncated as the end statement is what rings the bell...

If only everyone took this mature approach.... Goes along the lines of "Seemed like a good idea at the time." and not casting aspersions on another for what was OK but is now an "ick" moment as if they were wrong doing what was OK then but not now so the whole narrative gets switched. Bad form. The quote reflects a mature and responsible approach.

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I know as a woman I have the "ability" to be scum---- as in go home with someone, play around then turn on them, make nasty claims--- nine out of ten times the dude is screwed. I hate that ability and would never do such a thing--- Nevertheless, guys can't be too careful ---so it would be (if I were the dating/relationship type) difficult to banish all doubt and concern without a boat load of time, communication, and trust-building. Unfortunately these are the times we live in.

Not that there aren't guys who are all nicey-nice in public and at first and turn out to be dirt-bags, but it's not right to paint all of them with such a broad brush.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2024

Comments above notwithstanding, but if I can understand your train of discussion:

1. You desired to engage in “sleep play” which I equate to you desired to have sex with your partner while she was sleeping.
2. You asked your recent partner who is now your ex and she was ok with it, regardless of the reason.
3. You tried it and you feel guilty but cannot define why. She hasn’t said boo about it, not claiming it was anything beyond consensual. It seems she was positively receptive to the idea.
4. Recently she indicated to you that she felt bad that your previous partner “didn’t do anything for sex”. Did she specifically mention she didn’t want the “sleep play” or are you inferring this?

I think you are putting way too much thought into this. You asked and she said yes. She isn’t claiming any crime nor does it look like she had a problem with it. It feels like the issues are internal to you. If it causes this much guilt, don’t do it (unless guilt is your kink . . . No judgment.)

TheReaper​(dom male) • Mar 11, 2024

The partner before this one was not a sexual being at all. We had sex maybe once a month. Very vanilla sex too.