Decisions

Decisions

DMJohnny​(dom male) • Apr 8, 2024

Decisions to be made. Should I take some time away from BDSM? Should I just leave the lifestyle in total and just live a vanilla life? I cant seem to ever find a suitable sub. To being ghosted time and time again. It's hard being a Dom and not having a sub. It makes life very difficult and stressful in some cases. Should I just give up? Decision..Decision... Decision

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Apr 9, 2024

If it's you it's you. You cannot stop being what you are. If it's not you, then you do you. So, the path is yours to choose, but something to consider: If you aren't finding a suitable sub, you may be looking too hard in one direction and not allowing the world to show you another. Don't focus on finding a "submissive". Find a friend and partner who matches you and the dynamic will develop around you. How much BDSM that involves will evolve over time if it's meant to be. But you might be coming on just a tad too strong early out the gate if you keep getting ghosted time and time again.

Re: Decisions

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 9, 2024

The thing about "decisions" is not to rush into any.

You're not a bad looking guy at all. Personality-wise I couldn't speak to that without conversing

----(but so as to not waste your time and energy or create more doubt My Disclaimer: I'm Not Looking and haven't been for going on 5 years... A decision I made after due thought and works quite well for me.)----

But I digress. Unless you're an ogre, talk with your mouth full or slurp your soup when eating in public, you might just be looking in the wrong places... And then again a good match all too often comes along when you're not expecting one, not actively looking.

One of the cornerstones of happiness in relationships is meeting one with whom there is chemistry, sub or mainstream.. I have seen over the years people on here in relationships where one is on the twisted side and the other not--- and first order of biz is to not want or plan to fundamentally change how the other ticks. "It's No Good if you Gotta Force It" the old saying goes.

Take your time, go to places (unless you live in some backwater wide spot in the road where there is little to no nightlife, or their idea of same is anything where one can roll up the sidewalks after 8PM and call it a day) ----where BDSM folks tend to congregate, Munches and all that shit--- and take it slow and steady.

Haste indeed makes waste.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 9, 2024

Your chances of finding anyone here, are slim, but it is possible. I too have been ghosted, also stalked, scammed and got involved with a few people, in hind sight I should not have. Equally I have found some lovely people, and a few nice connections here, those experiences did not happen overnight, my original motivation in being here was to take part in the forums, read blogs, at one time I had my own, maybe learn, and if appropriate offer advice, information which hopefully is helpful. I am here on that basis, of the mind set that I will meet no one, but when I do its a lovely surprise.

I think being active only on here, is frankly less likely to be successful than being active elsewhere, and in particular your local in person kink communities, so attending munches, events, educational/training conventions and open nights at dungeons etc an absolute must. By doing these things you massively increase the chances of meeting and making a connection with someone, plus, learning how to do what you do, hone existing skills, aquire new ones, all in preparation for a new connection.

For myself I could never go back to being vanilla, who I am now is my authentic self, still open to evolving, and I know trying to be anything but that would not work, even in the short term.

Hopefully something I said, will be helpful.

DMJohnny​(dom male) • Apr 9, 2024

Thank you all for your input, support and guidance I appreciate it