I'mME
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8 months ago •
Apr 18, 2024
SageFlame wrote: Some people here are not even in the lifestyle but conducting research while here.
@SageFlame, Do they tell people. That's not ethical and we ain't lab rats. |
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Online now
UpFromTheAshes(switch gender queer)
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8 months ago •
Apr 18, 2024
My profile here is still pretty thin, and it took me a while to put up my first profile pic. I don't have the BDSM checklist even.
Why? Oh....there are a variety of reasons. Reason 1 is that I have a stalker, so I try to avoid photos and things that could make me easy to identify. I had a phone run-in with him a few years ago, but I know he keeps an eye out online, and shady kink and sex websites are definitely places he might hang out. As a newbie, I didn't want to go advertising myself here (even though on Fet I do have a picture with my face in it, which needs to be taken down, and hasn't been yet because I haven't actually used Fet in many years), in case it turned out that I'd made a poor choice in where I seek community. Another reason is that even though I've been around kink for more than a decade, I know very little about my own kinky interests, and even what I do know about what I'm into I often have a hard time articulating it. May sound weird..... I'm autistic -- many of us have a hard time understanding and expressing thoughts and feelings, especially very personal ones -- and I'm also gray-sexual, possibly actually asexual so I haven't explored very much or with very many different people. Yet another reason is because I'm very shy and can be sensitive to rejection. What if people are mean to me just because I do cutting as part of my kink? I know that it's not a very openly accepted one, nor very talked about, but it's a big deal for me. I wanted to get a feel for the community before I started putting myself out there. I wanted to make sure I felt safe(-ish) being open and vulnerable. So....I started out with reading, a little bit of talking in the forums and commenting on blogs. A little bit of my own blogging, dipping my toes in the water. It was probably at least a couple of months before I had a profile photo. |
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Garv(dom male)
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8 months ago •
Apr 19, 2024
I to have a nonexistent profile, well almost, it says I'm from Chicago.
Not looking for a relationship, but enjoy reading the blogs, forums and magazines. On those occasions when I find someone interesting, I'll contact them, I include a short intro and see where it goes. Like in everyday life, when I meet someone, I don't get to read there profile and have met some great people. Why should it be different here? |
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thedomyouneeded
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8 months ago •
Apr 19, 2024
I'mME wrote: thedomyouneeded wrote: I am fairly new here, so I am not sure how tech suggestions are handled.... but work in SEO, UI/UX, and other aspects of web design. One solution that we came up with to start limiting blank profiles is this:
1) create a "Just Observing" profile option. It gives the user x number of days to look around without having to create a formal account. It is easy to have them not show up in the active users dashboard (eliminating the paid user frustration) 2) for paid users, you establish a "use it or lose it" rule/process that is enforced (and needs to be enforced) that gives the platform the right to lock a users profile, or remove it from the active database if a certain percentage of the profile is not completed within a reasonable amount of time. Stats and human behavior patterns have proven that the majority of people will be more likely to NOT fill out the profile if there is no consequence tied to it. You could even set up a process where each time they log in it asks them a question that pulls more info about them into their account. Lots of options Uhhh, people should not be forced into anything to do anything. If a person's profile bothers someone, well here are some choices. Scroll on. Engage with them, try to get to know that person. Or scroll on. Just bc someone does not like something, like someone, lack of , too much, this , that, so forth , the answer is always increase the pressure of a foot on the neck. Censorship , you take away the rights of someone, then you're next and I'm always amazed when people suggest taking someone⁸ else's freedoms in the name of someone else. Great point and you are correct. I guess it comes down to the site owners and the experience they intended to create. Full profiles create another layer of trust, and anonymous user profiles allow someone to be a fly on the wall without being seen. Both scenarios will attract very different types of members. |
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I'mME
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8 months ago •
Apr 19, 2024
thedomyouneeded wrote: I'mME wrote: thedomyouneeded wrote: I am fairly new here, so I am not sure how tech suggestions are handled.... but work in SEO, UI/UX, and other aspects of web design. One solution that we came up with to start limiting blank profiles is this:
1) create a "Just Observing" profile option. It gives the user x number of days to look around without having to create a formal account. It is easy to have them not show up in the active users dashboard (eliminating the paid user frustration) 2) for paid users, you establish a "use it or lose it" rule/process that is enforced (and needs to be enforced) that gives the platform the right to lock a users profile, or remove it from the active database if a certain percentage of the profile is not completed within a reasonable amount of time. Stats and human behavior patterns have proven that the majority of people will be more likely to NOT fill out the profile if there is no consequence tied to it. You could even set up a process where each time they log in it asks them a question that pulls more info about them into their account. Lots of options Uhhh, people should not be forced into anything to do anything. If a person's profile bothers someone, well here are some choices. Scroll on. Engage with them, try to get to know that person. Or scroll on. Just bc someone does not like something, like someone, lack of , too much, this , that, so forth , the answer is always increase the pressure of a foot on the neck. Censorship , you take away the rights of someone, then you're next and I'm always amazed when people suggest taking someone⁸ else's freedoms in the name of someone else. Great point and you are correct. I guess it comes down to the site owners and the experience they intended to create. Full profiles create another layer of trust, and anonymous user profiles allow someone to be a fly on the wall without being seen. Both scenarios will attract very different types of members. Thedomyouneeded, I see the benefits of people having a full profile but let me say this. You know people could put anything in their profile and we are none the wiser until you may be invested a little bit. You could potentially sus them out, the more info that is there. Some ppl are very accomplished liars. I swear I used to what to be able to tell a convincing lie. Lmao. That's what happens when I tell a lie. Laughing. I'ma work on it. Lol. 😸 |
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LilSugarFairy(sub female)
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8 months ago •
Apr 19, 2024
My .02$, as someone who gets mails often from people with NOTHING on their profile, it honestly makes me think they aren't serious/that interested in a lifestyle dynamic. If you're a fly on the wall that then decides to message someone that you find you're interested in, then you're running the risk of them not being interested due to the fact your profile is blank. Those are the consequences.
People shouldn't be forced to fill out a profile, but if you don't, then accept the fact that someone who is looking for something serious might look the other way when you message them because of the first impression you give. 🤷♀️ Let people do what they want and if you aren't interested in someone because they're profile is blank, move along. |
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EmpatheticAngel(sub female)
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8 months ago •
Apr 19, 2024
A blank profile to me shows lack of effort and seriousness. While I do not mind asking questions and getting to know someone, but I would like to have an impression of who I am speaking with.
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Sweet Minx(sub female)
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8 months ago •
Apr 19, 2024
EmpatheticAngel wrote: A blank profile to me shows lack of effort and seriousness. While I do not mind asking questions and getting to know someone, but I would like to have an impression of who I am speaking with.
Preach! |
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I'mME
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8 months ago •
Apr 19, 2024
UpFromTheAshes wrote: My profile here is still pretty thin, and it took me a while to put up my first profile pic. I don't have the BDSM checklist even.
Why? Oh....there are a variety of reasons. Reason 1 is that I have a stalker, so I try to avoid photos and things that could make me easy to identify. I had a phone run-in with him a few years ago, but I know he keeps an eye out online, and shady kink and sex websites are definitely places he might hang out. As a newbie, I didn't want to go advertising myself here (even though on Fet I do have a picture with my face in it, which needs to be taken down, and hasn't been yet because I haven't actually used Fet in many years), in case it turned out that I'd made a poor choice in where I seek community. Another reason is that even though I've been around kink for more than a decade, I know very little about my own kinky interests, and even what I do know about what I'm into I often have a hard time articulating it. May sound weird..... I'm autistic -- many of us have a hard time understanding and expressing thoughts and feelings, especially very personal ones -- and I'm also gray-sexual, possibly actually asexual so I haven't explored very much or with very many different people. Yet another reason is because I'm very shy and can be sensitive to rejection. What if people are mean to me just because I do cutting as part of my kink? I know that it's not a very openly accepted one, nor very talked about, but it's a big deal for me. I wanted to get a feel for the community before I started putting myself out there. I wanted to make sure I felt safe(-ish) being open and vulnerable. So....I started out with reading, a little bit of talking in the forums and commenting on blogs. A little bit of my own blogging, dipping my toes in the water. It was probably at least a couple of months before I had a profile photo. @UpFromTheAshes *I don't have the BDSM checklist even* Doing a test in which there are probably 100 different versions of, is not a prerequisite . |
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I'mME
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6 months ago •
Jun 7, 2024
bonheurdujour wrote: I have a mostly empty profile but to be fair, i only reach out to people who ive first talked with in the chatroom and got an invitation to talk to them first.
I agree that completely blank profiles are uninteresting as a person to me. But it's only when there is question of involvement into a conversation or figuring out if i would be interested to know more about them that it matters. I joined the site to learn more about kinks. That's about it. I don't think that this is a good environnent to find someone to build a online to irl dynamic with. Maybe if i did add more personality into a profile along with where i live I'd run the chance of having better odds at finding someone who i can belong with. But as it im not comfortable with the idea of location. I like making lists. I forget how i feel about things, and forget about where i even wrote those lists. So a kink list is just convenient. Plus it's an easier format to show what I'm okay with without having to type it myself on a profile as some kind of brick filler. That was the intention anyway. I suck at making profiles. Because i dont know what to add in them, and because of a lack of interest in making intros in general. I've come to the conclusion that a profile depends on what you want to use it for, and what kind of information you want to relay. Other people will come up with their own interpretation regardless of the level of information. It's how the brain is meant to work. It just makes more sense to me to condemn behaviour than information or lack thereof that has nothing to do with me to begin with. bonheurdujour *I suck at making profiles* Everyone was at this stage somewhere in the past. A profile can be many things. It can help discern whether someone is lying or not, do their actions match what's on their profile. It can give information, example, they only want people who dress up in cat costumes. Or who live as trolls under bridges. I suck at profiles too. I've been called out as writing a book for a profile. IDGAF. Then there are people who don't read profiles, or do they read them and they DGAF. Fet and profiles was an experience back when. The one thing I promised myself was my profile would never look like a murder scene, red all over it. And to this day, it doesn't. I judge people based on how they treat me but in the end, we don't know ppl online, you don't anyone until you meet them, have an opportunity to observe them in different situations and I believe in always listening to me inner voice. |
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