Tips

Tips

Smiller​(sub male) • Apr 26, 2024

Hey so what are some tips that yall would give to a person whos

A: starting on here
B: a sub looking for a dom
C: being new to the bdsm scene

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 26, 2024

First of all. This site. A good starting point are the menu tabs along the top of this (or probably any) page

Second-- same topic... Post what you did on the "Welcome to The Cage: Introduce Yourself" thread. It's quite likely one of the admins will post a link or otherwise tell you how to get to the "Cage 101" section somewhere in here -----That's not the real name of it but as I never went there in my years in this place I can't put the precise name of the material but it might as well be Cage 101.-----

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As for "B"-- try "Seeking". There's a toggle at the top of your profile page. I have not, am not likely to use that as I seek nothing and no one except casual conversation and to post to threads on here where I feel I can write something useful--- but from what I understand you toggle it "On" and then write a piece that describes what sort of individuals you want to get to know. As far as I know this feature, which replaces the Now Defunct "Personals" section is not just for Premium members. It would clearly say so if that were the case.

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Item C:... That's a tough one as there is a wealth of info out there, not only on this site but around the web. Read, digest, and choose carefully. A lot of it is useful stuff while there is a good portion of crap written by self-appointed twisted gurus out there (again not just here) Remember, there is NO "official" "gospel of kink nor is there anyone who is the ultimate authority on this shit. The best advice will come by way of suggestions from those who have been where you are at some point in their lives.


Finally and above all Be Patient. The "market" for "sub males" is crappy... as it is for "men seeking"-- They outnumber "women seeking" by some insane ratio--- 90:1 being a bit conservative. but I never took any surveys on it. It's pretty much the same for mainstream "dating sites"--

Tough sledding for dudes, but not impossible for the politely persistent and the patient.


Good Luck!

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • May 1, 2024

You've found a good starting site (I think this site is one of the better ones). ALL sites are good (but not equal), it comes down to how you use them to YOUR benefit. If your asked for anything in return that cost you cash, report them (note I say them as online it can be either gender or a tag team. There are more scammers, findomme than Dommes, this is also a hint that you didn't ask for) Any form of solicitation is not allowed here.

Read profiles before you contact them and use your damn words. Whole words, not text speak and try to put some effort in. Think paragraphs not sentences!. If you use the search bar function you will find several threads that advise on how best to start and what to do. I'll warn you now, it takes EFFORT. I get your a sub and your most likely "reactive" in nature but to find a Domme you will need to be "proactive" it takes time and effort, you cant just sit by waiting. Takes loads more effort.

If you can't be bothered with effort, then honestly don't bother with the search. you might be better off paying for the service. If you feel like you can take or leave this lifestyle, then honestly walk away now. You need to be serious to succeed because so many don't. I won't sugar coat it, finding a Female Dominant isn't easy and you might not ever find an "owner" you might find the odd play but that "ownership" can be elusive. I know this sounds harsh and its actually meant to be.....so so so many young guys filt around here and then filt somewhere else. ten minutes here, twenty there, an hour to porn (another hint, its rarely like porn). Jumping from one place to the other without putting any effort in and missing opportunities right in front of them. Its like applying for a job you really, really want. You need to network and then net work some more and keep doing so. You need to stand out for all the right reasons. You need to show whats in it for HER and as well for yourself (in that order) you need to show her why she needs to choose you out of the several thousand others.

Read, read and read some more. Learn about what you want to be. Safety and knowledge are a submissives shield and they are what keeps you alive, intact and eventually "wanted" by a Domme (notice how many times I've written Domme. In "internet speak" Domme is often more prefered. Although said the same. Yep slipped another hint in there) There is huge difference between Femdom\me and BDSM, female supremacy, gianarcy and female lead relationship etc etc There are many many sub cultures and niches. Not all Dommes are stamped out by cookie cutters. Understand what they all are and JUST WHAT YOUR SEEKING and to what level you seek. Find your own CLARITY first before you offer yourself up to another. It will save you time and effort so you can apply it in the right areas.

You said you're new. Take it real time too. Do BOTH, it's about using your time well. I say work smarter, not harder. Try attending munches and skillshares (just type in your nearest largest capital city and BDSM) I know I sound all doom and gloom but without effort, chances are you wont find MissRightNow let alone MissRight, us older ones that have been around for decades have watched so many come and go. So many bright sparks dim...... but with EFFORT it is possible.

Join in where you can. Use everything in front of you. Make yourself noticed for the right reasons. Answer posts. Have a good profile. Attend things local to you. Put the BEST you forward.

Good luck