Domlyness

Ok, probably not a real word, but what domlyness mean to you?

Primarily looking for answers from subs but all are encouraged to respond

Personalized Leadership.

It’s about:
- accountability
- guidance
- patience
- empathy
- follow through
- structure
- communication
- consistency
- integrity
- safety

Those are a Domly combination. But I am attracted to masculinity so that too and intelligence and some other things are the epitome of Domly perfection for me.

I think Domliness differs by person because subs have different needs… but I think leadership is an aspect for most.

Someone didn't understand my made up word.

The first responder here understood perfectly. Sort of the attitude a Dom should have

For me to sum it up nicely would be.... Being the best I can be for me and mine

I’ve got a lot of insecurity and shame wrapped up in my sexulity. I hate it but it’s there. I think when I’m around a domly person I don’t have those feels.

Oh... this is good. Doms are so good at creating space for self-acceptance.

Umm, Michael Mikey lists as a "sub male".

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Other than that I had avoided commenting on this topic -- until now-- because it is just another semi-veiled dom-bashing exercise that paints them all with a broad brush. Truth is, there's good and bad in every human being and to over-generalize... tends to include the one doing the broad brush act into a similarly broad definition. Judgemental much? Mirror not enough?

How about a matching thread with another made up word "Sublyness" -- lets see if anyone understands my assigned definition to a likewise made up (nonsensical) word. Of course a made up word can have any of a number of perceived meanings and since it's "made up" ---none of which can be right or wrong.

I don't:
- think identifying positive traits I associate with or have observed in Doms is inherently critical.
- think discussing our preferences or aspirational desires is definitively negative or judgmental.
- see it as problematic to try to define new terms that have emerged and Domliness has popped up in my experience outside of this forum thread. The English language is a living language which means it can expand and grow to suit our cultural needs.

I do:
- agree that there isn't a right or wrong definition for the term. It is too new for that.
- agree the OP took this thread in a negative direction.

But, I can be oblivious to subtext, so maybe I just wasn't observant enough and the whole topic should be off limits.

I am looking for a long term dom, no stupid games. Long term only.

Disclaimer: while i believe there are general attributes to point us, i don't presume to make a universal definition or standard... these are my personal notions of "Dom."

Dom descriptors that trigger the sub in me (lots of sexual implication, but for me they are not strictly sexual at all, my sexuality doesn't disconnect from the rest of me, sometimes sex is driving me, other times it's the passenger, sometimes it's in the trunk (boot).

Top
Penetrator
(Mind) Fucker
Molder
Inseminator
Impregnator
Creator
Orgasm
Control
Seducer
Possessor/Occupier
Communicator
Open
Transparent


For me, those are some of the attributes that evoke the sub in me. The "Domlyness" is pretty much in how they present and maintain. Stuff like force, bullying, presumption are the opposite of "Domlyness" to me. To me, the ability to express need and desire in a non needy way are marks of strength and self confidence, force feels like a coping mechanism for lack. i see intimate relationship as symbiotic bonding of need/desire, so the last three feel essential to me.