Vanilla dating

SageFlame​(sub female) • May 13, 2024

A few side thoughts:
Though dating is a thing in our modern culture, my experience with it was like pouring milk on toast. Dating is very good for finding out what you Don't want! It was useful for the practice of tuning into my gut. With a submissive heart I want to trust and this energy brought into the dating scene is not a good approach for me. Instead, I became active and active in things that make me feel alive or connected. I have found some sweet authentic connections with a wide variety of people. All of which are platonic. My life is richer. Dating would never have done this for me. IMHO

When your into hang ten a boogie board doesn't cut the mustard but you can find some really cool seashells!

InATimelyFashion • May 16, 2024

It's alright but you need both time and place for it alright to put little but not too much for the right one to understand giving too much. Never had a problem just you don't want to be bothered any more by some don't have to because it takes right of click attraction not just anything. Gotta live in reality at times but has to be respected with D/s bond love and trust not all sexed up but grown and understanding will lead slowly not force things. They Master themself to make room for the other. They invested in learning with experience.

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • May 16, 2024

My thoughts are I could do vanilla dating but I don't want all vanilla. So that will not work for me as I choose to live the lifestyle 24/7 as much as possible. Want to be in a dynamic with one that blends with me. I know that it will have its moments of the vanilla side.
To answer your question, I think it depends on what you want and what you need to fulfill your own needs.
If you date for a specific need then you date accordingly
Just my opinion

Re: Vanilla dating

mau • May 21, 2024

Vanilla dating can be a bit tricky. As always I make sure I really like the guy before I admit my feelings. Before that, I take note on how he has reacted to me admitting my kinks. Most times they laugh because of my honesty, or get weirded out. In either situation I’ll ask if they have their own kinks or curiosities, their attitude towards the topic helps me decide if I’m staying or not. Some dudes will act like they’re into similar stuff (maybe to lead me on, every brain is its own world ofc), but proceed to laugh at / ignore future curiosities of mine. If I really like a guy who doesn’t wanna explore kinks (and is honest about it), I’ve stayed, focusing on our romantic moments, but felt sad about it every now and then.

*I don’t have much experience so advice on anything is always appreciated. Thanks for sharing <3

Nitrev​(dom male) • Jul 3, 2024

Simply that I have interests that coincide in bdsm that are not as likely to have those outlets in a vanilla relationship

And the rest of my life is a long time to go without being able to pursue those interests

It's not impossible to have a vanilla partner, but I still need my avenues to practice kink, and I still have long term goals to work towards that are just easier with someone who would be willingly subservient and believe in my capacity to make life better for us. That fits bdsm much better than it does vanilla

LoveandDevotion​(sub female) • Jul 3, 2024

When I decided to start dating again I joined both BDSM and vanilla sites, but soon stopped using the vanilla ones. I realized I just don't want to settle.

I feel like the cornerstones of a serious long term vanilla relationship are going to be relevant to any serious long term lifestyle relationship too, it's just there's additional spice in the latter.

Now lots of people in the BDSM scene aren't into serious long term relationships (and specifically I want a monogamous marriage), they're just into play. And the nice thing about the vanilla dating world is there are so many fish that sea that there are different apps for people looking for more serious stuff than those just wanting hookups, which is the vanilla equivalent of just getting a play partner, whereas on a BDSM site or community we're smaller so they're all mixed together.

But yeah, I am just not interested in a bland, spiceless life anymore. I was open to negotiating how much and what kind of spice, but spice is essential. And while yes you'll find some spicy folks on vanilla sites, they're rare and it's luck. I'd actually argue that if you happened to find a spicy person on a vanilla sites the chances they'd be compatible with you in other important ways (ie stuff like shared values, goals, etc) is probably much lower than on a BDSM site because there's so few spicy folks on the vanilla sites, the odds they'd be two peas in a pod is very low. Whereas starting with the spice and then searching out the vanilla compatibility stuff like values and goals is arguably easier.

All that being said it took me a year of searching to find my Master (we met on another BDSM site) so it's not exactly easy, but not impossible either.

LoveMaster​(dom male) • Jul 15, 2024

I have nothing against any 'vanilla' activity, just like i enjoy to play with kids and furries (dogs, etc), and games.
I am not into perversions and fetishes.

D/s is the backbone of a serious relationship of admiration, respect and trust, where each part knows its role and accept the dynamic of male and female polarities.

D/s is the frame for men who are responsible and reliable, and women able to admire, trust and follow them.