Authenticity

lambsone • Apr 9, 2024

For me to be my authentic self, I would first of all have to figure out what my authentic self is in all aspects of my life, even physically.

I'd also have to reevaluate who my authentic self is periodically, because we all are constantly growing, understanding more about life, changing in many ways.

Then I would have to figure out how to act like my authentic self based on what I discovered. I would make appropriate changes to my thinking, Feeling, physical self, so that these areas would align more with the authentic self that I discovered.

Then of course, I would have to have the courage to act my authentic self even if it's socially unacceptable or different from others around me. Unless of course my authentic self is being an axe murderer or something like that where it would willingly hurt others.

How much we are our authentic selves also has some dependency on how we get along with others around us. For example our obedience to the laws so that we can live safely with others. Etc.

But to bow to another's opinion of us and try to be what they want us to be, would be a no no in my opinion. Bow enough temporarily to get along, but not to be influenced by them to change who you truly are.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Apr 10, 2024

First things first - If it was said using the verbiage "you need to" this is first a sign of belittling. Most often communication in this tone is a projection of their own issues. Personally, I don't keep those kind in my close circle. Those are my initial thoughts. You choose what to take or leave.

That set aside, leaning into your true self derives from modern psychology. The false self being formed during early development with a myriad of coping mechanisms and alignment with others in order to survive. The true self is when the layers of 'othering" are pealed away when you tap into what you truly feel, believe and your purpose. In my own experience, the true self is essentially who you are and discovering is an adventure both challenging as well as joyous. There is no goal or finish line in this particular journey; each day is complete in and of itself.

There are various angles and perspectives on this topic. The key is to tune into your inner wisdom and develop a trust in your gut feelings. With that in mind, don't change for someone else. Go with what resonates with you. Or not! Choice theory is interesting to dig into a bit also.

flitter'fly​(sub female) • Apr 10, 2024

Well said....
If said person is asking you this out of love and encouragement for you.
Asking that you bring forth the person you show to them with others.
Then I find this a valid question for you and you alone, to decide.

Authentically you are you all the way.
No holding back, and that is impressive and brave.
Also, we all have a side that we only let out and show to certain individuals ones who have earned this right, ones who have unmasked the person we show to the outside world.

Does this make you any less authentic.
Absolutely Not.

If being asked this question by one who sees you benighted what you show to the rest of us, and only out of care.
Than maybe take a look, maybe try to allow others in more.
But only do this if it is what you yourself want and need.

We keep others at bay for a reason.
It's like a gut feeling, and I say always follow that gut feeling.
For it will never lead you wrong.

If you choose to allow some in to see the other side of the authentic you that we all know you are.
Great, use it as a learning experience and try not to allow yourself to get hurt along the way.
And
If you choose only to allow the select few you have already let in.
Well hun you are already as AUTHENTIC As They Come.

Bottom line is to just be you.
You are AMAZING Just The Way YOU Are, My Dear Friend.

Hugs 🤗 🥰
FlitterFly...
DawnRobin ... 🌹

Anyone, who is anyone that knows you.
Sees the authentic you anyway.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Apr 11, 2024

I would imagine what someone means when they say that is that they don't think the person they say it to seems to have done much introspection /thinking for themselves. That they parrot social/Societal norms and expectations/social media. That they seem fake and surface, rather than genuine. That they don't have a sense of confidence in their own thoughts and feelings.

As others have said, I'd be very cautious accepting it at face value. I would guess it more often than not is a manipulation regarding how you don't think/behave the way they think you should...

Sweet Minx​(sub female){NotLooking} • Apr 21, 2024

I think you are one of the most authentic , awesome, and most genuine person I've met on this site. No fakeness, just unapologetically you. I wish i could be more like you.

That's my 2 cents.

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Apr 21, 2024

First, I think who is saying it, and the context in which they are saying it, is important in understanding what they meant by it.

But assuming it is someone I know and care about, and who cares about me in return, I wouldn’t view it as a negative. Maybe I’ve read too many self help books and blogs, but your authentic self is the person you are at your core without all societal norms and expectations pulling on you in different directions. For some women, their inner core may want to be bold and independent, to think for themselves and fuck all to anyone else… but their life circumstances have molded them into someone polite and pleasing, always thinking about others and not wanting to ruffle feathers.

For others, like me, it’s the other way around. I had an abusive first marriage and when it ended 20+ years ago, I built walls and and an attitude… no one was EVER going to control me EVER again. This carried through my personal life and my professional life… it wasn’t until I entered into my first dynamic with a patient Dom, who taught me that it’s ok to let that wall down, that I began to discover my true, authentic self.

I’m a pleaser. I don’t like disappointing others. I like praise. I like words of affirmation. I like touch. I like tender. I like pain.

TLDR: growing into your authentic self means discovering who you are at your core, and embracing her, and everyone else can fuck the hell off, they can love her or leave her. Some people have already discovered their authentic self and flaunt it proudly. Others are still working on it. And many others have no desire to find it.

I'mME • Apr 21, 2024

APeepingMom

We all have an inner voice , some may not think of as a voice, their belly gets tight at something said, or a behavior displayed, would be your inner voice. Intuition is a word often used but associated with women. Men & women have this voice. There are multitude of reasons why someone ignores that feeling, but it can become a habit until that voice is overshadowed, fades away, The next thing you know people are walking around supporting delusional thoughts and behaviors from people.

It takes backbone to stand up in the light of truth.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 21, 2024

i was all set to respond to this, but several here already expressed my thoughts and feelings... big YES to Literate Lycan and Bunnie.

Just the notion of someone a 'telling me' what i need in regards to authenticity, without knowing me or just making a generic statement at me, makes me cringe and close.

Ingénue{VK} • Jun 15, 2024

Thanks all for your viewpoints. On with business as usual. His "authentic" version of how-i-should-be would have nothing to do with who I am.

Men and their fantasies often leave no room for actual women. It's sad how frightened and unable to relate these men are.

I'mME • Jun 15, 2024

Ingénue ,

It does make my mind wander, at the why they think the WAY they think.

It has crossed my mind before, are there more abusive people in BDSM.
But then, I take into account, the way profiles are written are going to attract a certain element, lack of communication skills, then i think about the numbers. If a group of ppl are in a fence, ppl tend to find their ppl and stay there bc they have similar thinking, people are bound to run into each other in a fence, or similar people.

I'm getting elderly, I've been around people a long time.
I think there are just as many people who are not self-aware in the vanilla world as there are here.

The more we know ourselves and make a habit to listen to our inner voice (if that voice is semi-healthy) then both sides of the slash can pinpoint those who are not our people.