Deceit detection

Deceit detection

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Aug 17, 2024

What measures do you take to analyse and assess the person you are talking with?

I don't mean casual chat. I've spoken to all manner of men and women over the years, and I couldn't give a toss who they really are. If I don't like them, I simply stop engaging.

I'm talking about when you both profess to want the same thing: a meaningful connection and relationship of whatever sort.

For me, the only thing that I seem to be able to rely on is time. Time to peel the layers and sense/find inconsistencies.

Sweet Minx​(sub female) • Aug 17, 2024

I cant seek to organize my thoughts today but what a great question !

I feel like consistency is a good way to measure truth and that just takes time. A Dom who says he's crazy about you but then he dissapears every evening without explanation or lame excuses is probably married for example. Or a Dom who proclaims to want to know me but only asks kinky questions about himself, (like would you do X to me) probably is just looking to get himself off.

In a long distance relationship I've found that it's easy for words to be said but harder for them to follow through on it over days and weeks.

Confronting someone is not always easy but their reaction can be a good indicator of the truth too. I mean if you were going to enter a dynamic with them you will have to get comfortable talking about difficult subjects anyways and expressing yourself.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 18, 2024

I wait till they say what they want cause just agreeing to the dominant is bs and common for scams

lambsone • Aug 18, 2024

This might sound extreme but once I have enough info on a prospective partner, I run a simple background check to see if there are any sordid things in his background such as convictions, excessive debt, felonies, current marriages, etc.

I also listen to the things he says about himself and observe his actions to see if they match. When things get serious, I would then want to meet with his family and friends to see how they react to him and the stories they might tell about him.

shebakesalot​(sub female) • Aug 18, 2024

Consistency. Actions match words. And like you said, time.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Aug 18, 2024

Yeah, no substitute for time in peeling back layers to prove a person's true identity, character, and behavior. There are so many here who because of their own insecurities, become so good at projecting this false image of themselves and fronting it online to deceive whole communities that only time will ever reveal who they truly are.

Background checks too. I have done them through various services that will pop up online when you are searching for information about someone. I assume they are being done on me, so I am upfront in the beginning about every chink in my armour that you will find in a background check on me.

Seems simple, but after having been catfished by women who want to be deceptive about their appearance, I would never meet a woman again that I hadn't spent a good amount of time in video chat with.

Six Foot Four • Aug 18, 2024

It just takes time. I like to think I have pretty good judgement, but use a quote often attributed to Lincoln: "You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time."

Actions, leveraged over time, give people the opportunity to show you who they are. That's how you know.

On the other hand, I haven't been looking for 'that sort of thing' for 1-4 decades, and you hear things about the "dating scene" today that are quite concerning, like the one guy on here who on his blog told the story about being poly and not driving and going on the bus to meet a girl at a restaurant and then they went in her car to the casino. The story ended up with this guy's once-amazing date doing hard drugs with her mother in the parking lot at the casino and how he got stuck there for ages and had no way to get home because his date and driver was real high.

The real kicker for me was he was married, and my recollection of the story is that his wife was sitting at home, and the whole time I'm reading this I'm going 'Why wouldn't you just call your bloody wife?'
This guy has screwed up and got himself into a real pickle. There could be lots of reasons he didn't just call his spouse, but the likeliest one to me is that she has no idea he's poly and out having what likely would be viewed as grounds for divorce. #Oopsie

So yeah, the risks are real, but to me it's the same deal as in business or life in general. Give someone enough time and they will show you who they really are. If I do end up having to start dating again eventually... I like the idea of a background check as lamb and IOM suggested. *chuckles* Though I will say, I once had one run on me by someone in a professional capacity, and they were sure I was a criminal. I was very surprised by this news, so I asked them whom exactly they'd run the background check on, and it turned out they'd used the wrong name. I was thinking very loudly at them 'how do you have the job you have when you are clearly incompetent?' It all got straightened out, but it took a chat with the right people to ensure I no longer had to deal with the sibling's kid's idiot spouse.

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Aug 18, 2024

I usually ask them who they are voting for. That makes everything clear to me.