Relationship Desires F

Relationship Desires F

Solace​(dom male) • Nov 17, 2024

What generalizations, if any, can be said about what Ladies want from a relationship?



As the questioner, I will cast the first stone for judgement on its distance traveled. I believe ladies desire a great deal of things which I will attempt to simplify at the cost of nuance. To put it crassly I believe ladies desire Emotional support, resources and protection. I will attempt elaborate but not to justify as doing so will be too anecdotal.

Emotional support can be a lot of things. At a base sense it can be attention in the form of witty banter, asking how their day was, and talking through their emotions and problems with them and more. I find attention to be the most important aspects ladies desire. Irregularities in its application I have found can quickly cause some ladies to become bored or even distressed.

Resources can be both material and skills. The material side of things is obvious in examples of wealth which indicate mans ability to provide. While I hear often enough that this isn't a factor, I typically find that some base level of requirement does exist. For example a man having a vehicle to pick a lady up for a date, having the funds to go on a date, or having a space to host. Skills are details that make a man stand out from a crowd, something he is preferably great at or knowledgeable in. I often find I get more respect from romantic candidates if I demonstrate something I am good at to them in ways I do not get nor expect from men.

Protection, I find this also essential to ladies. Yes, sometimes its squashing spiders. Other rarer, and preferably so, standing up to the potential robber downstairs with a baseball bat. However, I categorize and find it to also being able to solve her problems. If her emotions are running hot or wild, I should be able to stand firm and patient with them or preferably reign them in. If there is uncertainty in the future it is my role to make it seem more confident. Then their is the more obvious applications such as mechanical issues with appliances, plumbing, or vehicles. Her problems, even if they were caused by her, are my problems. Even if a lady does not expect me to solve her problems, she is infinitely more happy when I do. I will cite years of watching my parents relationship with a snarky grin on this, as well as some of my own.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Nov 18, 2024

I reckon I could go through that post and replace every 'ladies' with men, every 'man' with woman. I really don't think there is much difference. As blondie said on the other post.

IF you are talking about a healthy functioning relationship. Yes, of course ds can bring in subtle differences in terms of how you might define resources etc

But, if a relationship is to last and be good, both partners want the same focus on each other. That focus can be defined at a certain level that works mutually. Horses for courses.

Interested to see if there is broad consensus re differences in this.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 18, 2024

Solace.. you ran into the wrong "ladies", as surely as there are women who ran into their fair share of crappy guys who think with the wrong "head".

Part and parcel of the human experience, my friend.

Go with your gut.. if a relationship starts heading South, ditch it.

However, where a relationship seems to be going in a direction where both are pleased, keep at it, but for everyone, nothing is a sure thing.

The chances of running into and getting stuck with a buttcrack are diminished or at least mitigated somewhat with the passage of time during which regular and candid communication with purpose is frequent-- and wanted. By "with purpose" I mean to say that small talk, trite topics-- don't count. I meant both sides asking meaningful questions for self edification about the other. Through this, either side can and do discover the little nuances of the other that they may find annoying and address them properly.

However, and by way of example: If one runs into another who is "all that and a bag of chips" yet you (rhet) find out that they are up to their asses in debt... watch out. Even if you're not roped into sharing the current debt, you'll end up with a bottomless money pit on the other side of the bed and will end up being roped into that vicious cycle eventually. Being proactive and flushing the proverbial crapper early is key. -- "Next man or woman up" --before getting too attached.

-----------------------------------

That's why, in a nutsack, I never do "relationships" beyond casual flings. I am singularly unimpressed with what vehicle a dude drives around, what jewelry he wears on his fingers or punched into his nostrils or (brave lad!!) his dick head-- fancy clothes or whatever toilet water they splash on to smell like a million bucks.

(For those not in the know: I'm referring to the French term, "Eau de toilette" -- Light perfume / cologne) -- Alas, in some cases it's the same toilet water he takes a leak into... What they advertise on TV that's supposed to be a babe magnet can, depending on the woman, stink like a breath of hell.

... So back to my point, I expected the same courtesy from them and in my experience, that seemed to be asking too much, so I learned to celebrate and thrive in a peaceful life of solitude. Sure I "just ran into the wrong dudes" as well but at this point I don't need the complications of icky sticky attachments. I'm just not wired that way and that's jake with me.

* * *

[NOTE: My use of the word "jake" is old, many have not seen it thus employed, so by way of explanation, I dig old literature and such.]

Solace​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2024

This is not about your's truly running afoul of another lady. I think its a philosophical point. I think its an interesting one. And I think its not consider as much as it should be.

I'll wade in since I don't think responses will grow significantly.

I don't think you can make the term Man and Ladies interchangeable in the original post. Yes, anecdotally there are men who seek those things. I would not say its the average though.

I hate to make this about men on this post but its strongest tool I have to offer as a man. So, for example, protection. This is not a factor I see any of my guy friends talk about or consider. Would it be nice for a lady to stand up for in dangerous situations? Yes. Do I want her help to help me in dangerous situations...potentially. But men typically do not evaluate a girls ability to protect as big factor in desirability.

Example for example, and case and point for the matter, it is an extremely common desire for ladies to want a man who is taller than them. Often some number above 6 ft. When you get down to brass tacks, even ladies who actively claim to desire this still have some form of height requirement such as "not shorter than I". Whereas a common thread for men, "small girls are really cute."

Emotional support is likely the strongest aspect we have in common. It would really be nice if a lady under stood and supported my emotions. However, I and many other men don't express our emotions or challenges as readily as ladies do. As such, we don't consider as a large qualifier. The community doesn't have to lean on me as anecdote here, look at therapy statistics and what therapy has said it has learned about men. Men do not go. They often have to be borderline or past suicidal before they seek therapy and quite often choose the former as a first solution as opposed to expressing their problems to the world.

Again with resources, beyond hoping that a lady won't have a mountain of debt that we will be responsible for, a ladies income level is not a strong factor. As opposed to my above points, a man without money to date, will go on zero dates.

DidiRN​(sub female) • Nov 21, 2024

Honestly? I can not presume to tell you what all women want. All I can tell you is what this woman wants. Admittedly some things may change as change is part of growth, so I will leave it to some basic pillars for me.

I want to feel safe, both physically and emotionally. I am perfectly capable of protecting myself physically, I even kill my own spiders and mice. However, to know I have someone who will back me up if needed and give me the ability to be myself without judgement is priceless.

I don't care about looks as long as he takes care of himself.

I don't want money as I am perfectly capable of paying my own bills. I do however want him to pay his own bills. I am not a materialistic girl, I don't need fancy cars, expensive gifts or 5-star restaurant dates, I am perfectly happy with a picnic in the park (it's the time that matters).

I want to know that I matter to him as much as he matters to me.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 21, 2024

(truncated)

Oops, misinterpreted the original post, Fella--- So, what I wrote... Change it into the "If the Shoe Fits" category and go from there.

--------------------------------------

While none could or should presume to "speak for all men or women" there are common denominators. Perhaps that's what's best to go by on this thread IMHO.

Bunnie • Nov 22, 2024

This kind of feels like it touches on that quote:
“Women need love. Men need respect.”

Out of curiosity I started following a few men who were working towards creating healthy relationships both within themselves, and with their partners.
When I first saw this quote circulating a few years ago I kind of thought it was bullocks. However, maybe as I’ve aged and begun to pay a little bit more attention, I’ve begun to perhaps see some truth in it. It depends how far down the rabbit hole we go though. Men “think”, women “feel”, and we often expect the other to understand and experience from our own perspectives, because let’s face it, it’s really difficult to gauge another’s perspective outside of our own lens.
Something I’ve noticed is that yes, women do tend to focus on needs being met in more of an “internal” context (feeling safe, feeling heard, feeling seen, connection etc etc). And from observation I’ve begun to notice that men seem to focus more on needs being met from an “external” context (purpose, success, “doing” etc).

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Nov 22, 2024

You're talking energies, yin and yang. I like that because I think needs are fluid and are met in the flow of energy exchanged. It puts it in our individual, unique perspectives, too. Masculine men want to be in their masculine energy and feminine women want to be in their feminine energy. What we desire from each other flows along those energies. For a woman to be in her most feminine energy she needs to feel safe and there's a man's purpose to hold a safe place open for her and protect her. If she's happy in it, he feels successful, there's connection, and a lot of "doing".

Ingénue{VK} • Nov 24, 2024

I have no generalisations to offer and fail to see the value of the question. Weirdly gendered.