Softnote(masochist female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 12, 2024
Everyone needs love , everyone has feelings , everyone wants to feel appreciated , everyone has wants needs and desires , yes people can feel like not doing it cause they may not feel 100% men ones able to Hide it because they don’t wanna bring on the other person they do love you but they needs to feel wanted they need to be supported and embraced as well to want to do more. But women also sorta hide feelings they don’t wanna upset the other half if other person does wanna hear it. But communication and oneness together is needed you must put the yin and Yang of love with tantra and chi building it up you must come together with this oneness together and evolve. Seeing a sex therapist and learning tantra with tai chi you both need to align and make Peace work it out. Bring the spark back. Both pour the same in love bring it back. Sounds like not you also could be is work or smithing else but maybe you need to Open thing but you don’t have attachments to others play it safe with playing you meet the lovers so on well you need your desires as they do so keep it alive or its letting it loose.
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Online now
roughandtumbler(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 13, 2024
I feel like communication has been mentioned a lot. But I have communicated. I told him the dynamic was pretty much dying or dead. No response, no action. So I put the sub in me aside and moved on. I explained to him I needed sex more regularly. He responded by saying he’d work on it but nothing changed. I explained that I wanted more experiences, threesomes, play with women…he set up a bunch of expectations (talk to the person for 6 months, we both have to approve the person, nothing is guaranteed even if all expectations are met). It’s just exhausting. I get tired thinking about how hard it was to find a couple to even play with. I think he’s just happy with what he’s got. And I sadly am not. And it’s probably a mistake to even think about that more deeply.
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I'mME
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1 week ago •
Dec 14, 2024
roughandtumbler wrote: I feel like communication has been mentioned a lot. But I have communicated. I told him the dynamic was pretty much dying or dead. No response, no action. So I put the sub in me aside and moved on. I explained to him I needed sex more regularly. He responded by saying he’d work on it but nothing changed. I explained that I wanted more experiences, threesomes, play with women…he set up a bunch of expectations (talk to the person for 6 months, we both have to approve the person, nothing is guaranteed even if all expectations are met). It’s just exhausting. I get tired thinking about how hard it was to find a couple to even play with. I think he’s just happy with what he’s got. And I sadly am not. And it’s probably a mistake to even think about that more deeply.
RoughandTumbler, Maybe he has some issues going on, personal. Health, work? You say that you communicated, but was it you telling him 'you need more sex' or was it more in depth? Is that how you met? Through kink? Sometimes we think we said something bc the other person says, okay. However it can be that We didn't say exactly what we were thinking, maybe they weren't in a spot to hear, right after work, or in bed. |
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roughandtumbler(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 14, 2024
I'mME wrote: roughandtumbler wrote: I feel like communication has been mentioned a lot. But I have communicated. I told him the dynamic was pretty much dying or dead. No response, no action. So I put the sub in me aside and moved on. I explained to him I needed sex more regularly. He responded by saying he’d work on it but nothing changed. I explained that I wanted more experiences, threesomes, play with women…he set up a bunch of expectations (talk to the person for 6 months, we both have to approve the person, nothing is guaranteed even if all expectations are met). It’s just exhausting. I get tired thinking about how hard it was to find a couple to even play with. I think he’s just happy with what he’s got. And I sadly am not. And it’s probably a mistake to even think about that more deeply.
RoughandTumbler, Maybe he has some issues going on, personal. Health, work? You say that you communicated, but was it you telling him 'you need more sex' or was it more in depth? Is that how you met? Through kink? Sometimes we think we said something bc the other person says, okay. However it can be that We didn't say exactly what we were thinking, maybe they weren't in a spot to hear, right after work, or in bed. He has a really busy life. He’s a good dad and husband and works really hard for his family (two jobs, 6-7 days a week). I don’t fault him if he wants to come home after work and beg out. I’m not resentful or angry with him. I love him to pieces. But he’s just himself. I don’t think he will change all that much. We are built different. He likes a lot of relaxation. I like action. He like sex on Saturday morning. I’d be doing it every day, twice a day if I had the chance. I guess I’m just tired of not having control over this part of my life. It feels like I am a child, waiting for whatever the adult will dole out. I get that body image can be hard in swaps and meet-up’s (he’s about 70 pounds overweight) so I don’t want to push it and have a rejection happen. But he won’t allow hot wifing ( I get it…strongly views it as acknowledged non-monogamy and I agree), he wakes to put 70 requirements on a theeesome, which nobody wants. Too much work. It feels impossible. I know he means well. He’s loving. He tried to be adventurous ( impact plsy, ropes, etc). But something in me has woken up and I can’t get it to go away. |
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Cello Trance{for You}
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1 week ago •
Dec 14, 2024
roughandtumbler wrote: I'mME wrote: roughandtumbler wrote: I feel like communication has been mentioned a lot. But I have communicated. I told him the dynamic was pretty much dying or dead. No response, no action. So I put the sub in me aside and moved on. I explained to him I needed sex more regularly. He responded by saying he’d work on it but nothing changed. I explained that I wanted more experiences, threesomes, play with women…he set up a bunch of expectations (talk to the person for 6 months, we both have to approve the person, nothing is guaranteed even if all expectations are met). It’s just exhausting. I get tired thinking about how hard it was to find a couple to even play with. I think he’s just happy with what he’s got. And I sadly am not. And it’s probably a mistake to even think about that more deeply.
RoughandTumbler, Maybe he has some issues going on, personal. Health, work? You say that you communicated, but was it you telling him 'you need more sex' or was it more in depth? Is that how you met? Through kink? Sometimes we think we said something bc the other person says, okay. However it can be that We didn't say exactly what we were thinking, maybe they weren't in a spot to hear, right after work, or in bed. He has a really busy life. He’s a good dad and husband and works really hard for his family (two jobs, 6-7 days a week). I don’t fault him if he wants to come home after work and beg out. I’m not resentful or angry with him. I love him to pieces. But he’s just himself. I don’t think he will change all that much. We are built different. He likes a lot of relaxation. I like action. He like sex on Saturday morning. I’d be doing it every day, twice a day if I had the chance. I guess I’m just tired of not having control over this part of my life. It feels like I am a child, waiting for whatever the adult will dole out. I get that body image can be hard in swaps and meet-up’s (he’s about 70 pounds overweight) so I don’t want to push it and have a rejection happen. But he won’t allow hot wifing ( I get it…strongly views it as acknowledged non-monogamy and I agree), he wakes to put 70 requirements on a theeesome, which nobody wants. Too much work. It feels impossible. I know he means well. He’s loving. He tried to be adventurous ( impact plsy, ropes, etc). But something in me has woken up and I can’t get it to go away. I can totally relate to this situation. |
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I'mME
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1 week ago •
Dec 14, 2024
roughandtumbler wrote: I'mME wrote: roughandtumbler wrote: I feel like communication has been mentioned a lot. But I have communicated. I told him the dynamic was pretty much dying or dead. No response, no action. So I put the sub in me aside and moved on. I explained to him I needed sex more regularly. He responded by saying he’d work on it but nothing changed. I explained that I wanted more experiences, threesomes, play with women…he set up a bunch of expectations (talk to the person for 6 months, we both have to approve the person, nothing is guaranteed even if all expectations are met). It’s just exhausting. I get tired thinking about how hard it was to find a couple to even play with. I think he’s just happy with what he’s got. And I sadly am not. And it’s probably a mistake to even think about that more deeply.
RoughandTumbler, Maybe he has some issues going on, personal. Health, work? You say that you communicated, but was it you telling him 'you need more sex' or was it more in depth? Is that how you met? Through kink? Sometimes we think we said something bc the other person says, okay. However it can be that We didn't say exactly what we were thinking, maybe they weren't in a spot to hear, right after work, or in bed. He has a really busy life. He’s a good dad and husband and works really hard for his family (two jobs, 6-7 days a week). I don’t fault him if he wants to come home after work and beg out. I’m not resentful or angry with him. I love him to pieces. But he’s just himself. I don’t think he will change all that much. We are built different. He likes a lot of relaxation. I like action. He like sex on Saturday morning. I’d be doing it every day, twice a day if I had the chance. I guess I’m just tired of not having control over this part of my life. It feels like I am a child, waiting for whatever the adult will dole out. I get that body image can be hard in swaps and meet-up’s (he’s about 70 pounds overweight) so I don’t want to push it and have a rejection happen. But he won’t allow hot wifing ( I get it…strongly views it as acknowledged non-monogamy and I agree), he wakes to put 70 requirements on a theeesome, which nobody wants. Too much work. It feels impossible. I know he means well. He’s loving. He tried to be adventurous ( impact plsy, ropes, etc). But something in me has woken up and I can’t get it to go away. I did not in any way think you are being mean, ugly about your mate. I gathered from the OP how much you like, respect, love him.. I don't know that weight would get many rejections. I mean read their profiles, should give you a clue bc ppl in that game are usually descriptive. Body, age doesn't matter. Or only certain ages. It's a quandary for sure. I am a straight forward person. I would ask him directly, what is the problem. We discussed, you were on board, now I'm twiddling my thumbs, what changed. I get the feeling, now hear me out. I get the feeling that maybe you present it in a way that you consider to be respectful, I get that. But sometimes, we have to change our language up. Like dirty, so that the other party pops into their head. No pun intended. Do you know what I mean? |
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roughandtumbler(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 15, 2024
I did not in any way think you are being mean, ugly about your mate. I gathered from the OP how much you like, respect, love him..
I don't know that weight would get many rejections. I mean read their profiles, should give you a clue bc ppl in that game are usually descriptive. Body, age doesn't matter. Or only certain ages. It's a quandary for sure. I am a straight forward person. I would ask him directly, what is the problem. We discussed, you were on board, now I'm twiddling my thumbs, what changed. I get the feeling, now hear me out. I get the feeling that maybe you present it in a way that you consider to be respectful, I get that. But sometimes, we have to change our language up. Like dirty, so that the other party pops into their head. No pun intended. Do you know what I mean?[/quote] I was blunt with him. Explained that the kink had died, that I felt disconnected and unhappy. Now I’m getting the silent treatment because he feels rejected. The only way this all works is if I’m a subservient slut sub who serves his every need. He’s so happy when I do that and I was happy for a while, too. I was able to control it all through sex and servitude. But now I’m seeing that it’s always going to be that. Me serving him. Being a toy that he picks up when he wants to. It’ll never morph into anything else. He didn’t care about kink. He doesn’t want to share me. So I can continue with the charade and he’ll be happy or I can blow it all up and call a spade a spade. Considering my options. I don’t want to live a miserable life but at least it would be an honest one. |
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Sweet Minx(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 15, 2024
Unfortunately you can't make him have or enjoy the same kinks as you. As much as you try it just will not work. It seems he is content and you aren't. It's a difficult position I'm sure.
From your last post, it reads as if you are trying to take charge and change/explore/spice up your relationship but I'm not sure, you could be taking up a more switch or dominant role? It's hard to know by just reading your words. Is that what he's objecting to? Does he like to be solely in charge and making the decisions? And if so do you have issues with that? Good luck with everything and happy holidays. |
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roughandtumbler(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 15, 2024
Sweet Minx wrote: Unfortunately you can't make him have or enjoy the same kinks as you. As much as you try it just will not work. It seems he is content and you aren't. It's a difficult position I'm sure.
From your last post, it reads as if you are trying to take charge and change/explore/spice up your relationship but I'm not sure, you could be taking up a more switch or dominant role? It's hard to know by just reading your words. Is that what he's objecting to? Does he like to be solely in charge and making the decisions? And if so do you have issues with that? I think actually I just want to be able to meet ppl and have experiences and he’s put his foot down. That’s the crux of the whole thing, on top of our relationship moving more toward non-kink every day. Good luck with everything and happy holidays. |
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B L O N D I E(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 15, 2024
It sounds to me like he may have changed his mind about what he is okay with. Maybe at first he kind of liked the idea and then realized he wasn't as okay with it as he thought he was. Now he doesn't want to share you, doesn't want to have an open relationship, doesn't want you to sleep with other people, and wants to keep the relationship monogamous. This maybe a defense mechanism on his part because he's already feeling like the situation has gone too far.
If this is the case and he really isn't comfortable with you playing with other people, then you pushing it and insisting on it could come across as betrayal to him. So it sounds to me like you have a choice to make. You say you love him and that he's a good father and provider. It sounds to me like you need to decide which is more important--your marriage or playing with other people. You may have already hurt him to the point of no return. So you may want to consider just how important this is to you and if you are willing to end your marriage over this. |
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