Confused about anal, domination, and sub fantasies (easy arousal)

Confused about anal, domination, and sub fantasies (easy aro

AllOver​(switch male) • Dec 24, 2024

I haven't even made out with anyone in years (and the last was a gay guy ), yet since adolescence I have felt tremendously sexually insecure.

I'll be blunt: I can make myself get off really nicely from fantasies, yet my sex life has been very lack-luster, boring, and predictable...not to mention the love of the female form: it's like their asses are this heart shaped box, waiting to suck you in. Alot of this stemmed from indoctrination in christian schools and conflicting messages from peers. The message is always to stay confident and say what you think, yet everyone knows that there has to be some level of frustration on the part of your partner to really get anywhere.

When I was teenager, I wanted to figure out specific methodologies to get laid since everyone was telling me I was just awkward and creepy with the girls my age. However, those feelings of anxiety come from worrying about what others think, so that hasn't really helped me. When I was 17, a 20 year old girl offered herself to me entirely, but she was bad at foreplay (my usual mode of successful aggression was to just start making out with women because that's what happens in the movies), but she was really bad at making out and she just told me to have sex with her. Naturally, I was impotent, and she just told me all this stuff over the course of our fling about how I'm not a man and I can't have sex. She tried really hard to make it work, but it was just awful in the end.

Needless to say there were a lot of things that happened before that, and between this next bit, but I digress...

Ironically, this led me to have a lot of anal fantasies because I figure a tighter hole makes things more seductive and pleasurable. However, I often find myself fantasizing about being the bottom with exclusively a burly male with a medium sized penis. When I was with that gay guy, it started because I was walking through my neighborhood, and he invited me to have a couple of beers and smoke cigs, and all of the sudden he was masturbating in his bath robe, and I was not feeling sexual about it. Later on I came back and we experimented alot. It wasn't that great but he was great giving blowjobs, and i felt guilty because I wanted to fully suck him off and I had to stop because he was making low bear noises during and he didn't listen to me when I told him shutup (figuratively).

I can fantasize lavishly about anal both ways, but actually making that happen is strange, because it requires a lot of preparation.

This is all I can really stand to type and sorry for all the confusion. The thought of actually getting anywhere with anyone just scares the hell out of me at this point. I don't want to end up raping someone or getting raped. Is there any hope of getting beyond my hand?

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • Dec 24, 2024

Of course there hope of getting beyond your hand. You just need to relax and let things happen organically. Go places to meet people, not looking for sex. look at sex as the bonus, not the main reason and things will change for you. Your seeing the finial picture and not the way forward. you need to think about the bit prior to getting off!

You've taken a huge step, you've admitted YOU see a problem. You've also identified what YOU see as the problem. there is nothing wrong with wanting anal play (either giving or receiving in a consensual relationship) there is a problem if you see the Ass before the person! your stressing out and there isn't a person for any of this to happen. There is a saying how do you eat an Elephant? the answer is one bite at a time. Right now your elephant less. Breathe! Go mingle with the herd. Enjoy the herd. Maybe you'll you'll find that perfect elephant that wants to share your fantasies with you. Your problem isn't as huge as you think. you just need to break it down one bite at a time.

if you feel, you are not coping and sex thoughts are controlling your every moment. Then get help, not the forum type help. the real kind, there are loads of Fetish and kink therapists https://www.kapprofessionals.org/ kink isn't as in the dark as it used to be. There is no need for you to alone with your feelings if they are starting to feel wrong to you.