Submissive female in need of advice

Submissive female in need of advice

Isadoradede​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2025

Hi I'm a 29 year old female submissive I've been in the bdsm comunity since I was 18 I've learned to have perfect control over my body functions how not to cum when not allowed and the other rules that the dominant man sets in the Dominant/Submissive relationship and today I was talking to a potential Dominant and potential partner as well but we haven't met in person and we video chatted called and texted and I lost complete control over my body functions and he felt and knew it and he knew he was pushing my limits and he kept pushing my limits and I kept trying hard to gain control of my body functions but my body gave over complete control to the Dominant over the phone and I had to beg him for a release is this normal or not normal can anyone offer advice so this doesn't happen to me again I pride myself on having complete control over my body functions.

VaDaddy​(dom male) • Feb 3, 2025

Sounds pretty normal, but also sounds like you are asking to be punished as well?

Mishka​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2025

Hey Isadora, I'm glad you decided to post to the forums!

So just my quick two cents: what you're describing isn't what I'd call typical for a scene, especially a first scene. I hesitate to call anything not normal because people practice in different ways - but if this was what you could expect from his practice he should have told you at the top of the scene that you were going to be surrendering complete control. Total power exchange should always begin with a choice to surrender and exist with the ability to stop the play at any time if you need adjustments for your comfort and in my opinion shouldn't be explored this early in a dynamic. It's intense, and has to be done carefully.

I would encourage you to at least delay meeting this person offline. It sounds like you may have already had an experience where he stretched the bounds or possibly even violated your consent. I feel it's possible to likely that he might do it again. You should always feel confident that if you are uncomfortable with any aspect of a scene your partner will stop immediately, be responsive to your needs, and provide you with everything you need to reassure you and help you recover from any damage done.

I'm super sorry this happened to you. But I'm glad you're here among friends to ask about what you can expect from a healthy BDSM dynamic.

x Mish

VaDaddy​(dom male) • Feb 3, 2025

Wow, that is not the way I read her question or experience. I will be interested in the response.

Isadoradede​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2025

Ok thank you so much for your advice Mishka I really appreciate the advice I was searching this online because I was afraid of what was happening and very confused I was trying to gain control again of my body and he kept pushing me past my limits and I lost complete control over my body I've never had that happen to me before so I wasn't able to know if what I was experiencing was normal or not.

VaDaddy​(dom male) • Feb 3, 2025

So after reading your responce. Sorry I read your question wrong. Any form of abuse is definitely wrong and communication is very important. I always encourage the use of safe words which make communication during a scene much easier! Also a very clear discussion with your dom of expectations is important. Forced o or edging or no o at all and then what happens if you don't meet those expectations. With the expectation that if you say a safe word all play is to immediately stop!

I hope you have an honest discussion with your partner after this has happened. Please do not ghost!

SoftSoul​(masochist female) • Feb 3, 2025

You may have desires they do also but always keep your mind and boundaries at all times.
Life is not over your not marrying them tonight was only online but you still have yourself they only got bits and pieces not the full.



Just be aware that a Submissive has a mind of thier own speak up and use that mind to know when to say stop know your limits and safe consent.


Be careful what you share those desires only share very little at first until the conversation over time is built.

You have your experience but your body is a temple is sacred place and takes a good leading hand to respect it to earn the heart not just take it. But you must take lead control of your temple. If you allow someone to take their will that's why you must still hold power.

Anyone ways no one can just take ownership or bark orders even if you have desires they might sweeten you or they got you too open to much whatever happens not to point at anyone but somewhere it has to stop.

Not all connections are the same. Sex is not the first thing it should be more about getting to know someone at first. But if you grow a connection between you and that person you should be open and honest about feelings.

No one can tell you they take over you sexually they can't just own you unless you have a built of trust over time. Thier so-called pretend ones that sweeten a sub to get on the phone but do not show effect and blueprints. Not what they say but what they do to show real respect to you. Don't fall for the phone, App, or picture sharing put your foot down no is still nope. But if you do grow a connection you do go on an app or voice they say they gonna hang up you don't do depends hang on them report it and block them.

People have desires but think before pursuing go further. Yes, both people can get hot & heavy for things but always lay the law down everything must be talked of first beforehand with a connection and chemistry both ways. Take a bath clean wash it away the the night will go on the next day will be all over to new day. Just remind yourself to be selective with your heart. Write a bit more in your intro but keep it to nature not over done if people want to get to know value must come first. Put value in your life and self and reserve it.

Conection
https://fb.watch/xwfVdVwmiJ/
Listen to your gut and your friends and people looking out for you. Listen to yourself you need that self-talk also. Even if you have desires hold for the right time yes going to take some patience and time but practice. Don't let it just happen anyone takes over because rush does not work only leads to both getting hurt and fights. Why like marrying the wrong person? never give your power away right kind means both ways hold the key. First it's friends and courtship then you grow into to relationship.
https://fb.watch/xweAQLk1wr/

SoftSoul​(masochist female) • Feb 3, 2025

Trust comes before obedience. Submission is earned.

When a Boundary is Crossed in Your D/s Dynamic ( by the Cage )
https://thecage.co/magazine,169.html

BDSM Safety Frameworks ( by the Cage )
https://thecage.co/magazine,167.html

You can find more from the Cage Magazine Information & Resources
https://thecage.co/library.php? Special connection ( by the cage ) https://thecage.co/magazine,267.html https://thecage.co/magazine,264.html

Isadoradede​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2025

Thank you both Dom Male and again SirenSoul and Mishka for the amazing advice I will use every peace of advice you have given and will not go ghost I love having a safe place to talk to and communicate for Submissive advice or advice in any form of the bdsm lifestyle and world thank you I just woke up I appreciate all the great advice I was given and have received.