A vetting guide/questionnaire

A vetting guide/questionnaire

Parttimeprincess​(sub female) • Mar 14, 2025

**Vetting Guide & Worksheet**
*Establishing Compatibility Before a BDSM/CGL Dynamic*
I originally wrote this for Littles that are struggling with vetting but I figured some other people might benefit from it too. So here is a compatibility guide to help you figure your potential compatibility.

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## **Section 1: Base Compatibility**
Before establishing a dynamic, it’s important to ensure fundamental compatibility. These questions help determine shared values, relationship goals, and lifestyle alignment.

### **Personal Values & Lifestyle**
1. **What are your core values in a relationship?** (e.g., honesty, loyalty, communication, independence)
- ________________________________________________________
2. **What are your long-term relationship goals?** (Check all that apply)
- ☐ Casual dating
- ☐ Monogamous commitment
- ☐ Polyamory/open relationship
- ☐ Long-term D/s dynamic
- ☐ Other: _____________
3. **How do you prefer to spend your daily life?** (Work-life balance, social activities, alone time)
- ________________________________________________________
4. **How do you handle conflict in relationships?** (Rate on a scale of 1-5, 1 being avoidant and 5 being proactive discussion)
- ☐ 1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5
5. **What are your boundaries regarding time, attention, and communication frequency?**
- ________________________________________________________
6. **What are your political views?** (Discuss any dealbreakers or areas of importance)
- ________________________________________________________
7. **What is your religious or spiritual background?** (Discuss how it impacts your relationships, if at all)
- ________________________________________________________

### **Emotional & Mental Health**
8. **How do you process emotions and handle stress?**
- ________________________________________________________
9. **Do you have any mental health considerations or past experiences that may impact your relationship dynamics?**
- ________________________________________________________
10. **How do you approach personal growth and self-improvement?**
- ________________________________________________________

### **Communication & Conflict Resolution**
11. **What is your preferred communication style?** (Check all that apply)
- ☐ Text messages
- ☐ Phone calls
- ☐ In-person discussions
- ☐ Detailed explanations
- ☐ Direct and to-the-point
12. **How do you handle disagreements in a relationship?**
- ________________________________________________________
13. **Are you comfortable discussing emotions openly and regularly?**
- ☐ Yes
- ☐ No
- ☐ Unsure

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## **Section 2: BDSM & CGL Dynamic Compatibility**
Once general compatibility is established, diving into BDSM-specific preferences helps determine if a dynamic can be built.

### **Roles & Experience**
14. **How would you describe your role in BDSM or CGL?**
- ☐ Caregiver
- ☐ Little
- ☐ Switch
- ☐ Unsure/Exploring
15. **What experience do you have in BDSM/CGL dynamics?**
- ☐ New/Curious
- ☐ Some past experience
- ☐ Currently in or have been in an established dynamic
16. **What aspects of the dynamic are most important to you?** (Rank in order of importance, 1-5)
- ☐ Structure & Routine
- ☐ Nurturing & Emotional Support
- ☐ Discipline & Guidance
- ☐ Playfulness & Fun
- ☐ Authority & Leadership

### **Expectations & Boundaries**
17. **What does an ideal dynamic look like to you?** (Daily interactions, rituals, structure)
- ________________________________________________________
18. **What are your hard limits?** (Check all that apply)
- ☐ Physical (e.g., impact play, restraints)
- ☐ Emotional (e.g., humiliation, degradation)
- ☐ Psychological (e.g., CNC, fear play)
- ☐ Other: _____________
19. **How do you prefer to handle discipline and correction?** (Discuss, punishments, reward systems, etc.)
- ________________________________________________________

### **Kink & Sexual Compatibility** *(If applicable)*
20. **Do you prefer a strictly nonsexual or sexual dynamic?**
- ☐ Nonsexual
- ☐ Sexual
- ☐ Open to discussion
21. **What are your favorite aspects of BDSM play?**
- ________________________________________________________
22. **What kinks or fetishes do you enjoy or want to explore?**
- ________________________________________________________

### **Caregiving & Aftercare Needs**
23. **What kind of aftercare do you need or enjoy?** (Check all that apply)
- ☐ Physical touch (cuddles, massages)
- ☐ Verbal reassurance (affirmations, praise)
- ☐ Space to decompress (alone time, journaling)
- ☐ Treats/rewards (favorite snacks, relaxation activities)
- ☐ Other: _____________
24. **How do you express or receive affection in a dynamic?**
- ________________________________________________________
25. **What are some non-sexual aspects of CGL/BDSM that are important to you?**
- ________________________________________________________

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### **Final Thoughts**
After filling out this worksheet, discuss your answers with your potential partner(s) to ensure alignment and open communication. Vetting is a crucial step in building a **healthy, fulfilling, and compatible** BDSM/CGL dynamic. Remember there are no right or wrong answers. This is just a tool meant to help you discover more about yourself and partner.

Steellover​(sub male) • Mar 14, 2025

These are ALL very valid questions for people to narrow down what they are seeking, and to avoid wasting time when you get into it and realize that you are both seeking very different things from the relationship. Because it's easy to fall for someone with preconcieved notions about what they expect vs. what you expect. (I've been down that road before.) So thanks for sharing.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Mar 21, 2025

This looks helpful and I would say essential for someone new in the lifestyle. The one aspect of vetting I had to learn the hard way was to trust my gut. I tended to overlook certain aspects of behavior/conversation that bothered me and focused on the excitement and encouraging aspects. Lesson learned.