Addressing needs as a submissive

SageFlame(sub female)

1 week ago • Mar 17, 2025

I have some thoughts that might be useful to you.

Consider the idea that withholding information is disrespectful. A Dom who is able to build a dynamic invites feedback - open and honest.

On a different note, when we take ownership of our emotions rather than looking for a cause outside of ourselves this helps avoid blaming. It is the blame shifting that can be seen as disrespect.

Example - " your not giving me enough aftercare and I'm not looking forward to the next playtime"

Instead something like - " I have been having negative emotions after our playtime. I think it would help me to have more aftercare. (give a short clear example of what your presenting as a suggetion)

Consider being proactive in improving communication on your end. This would include the following:

A. Making efforts to be more attuned to yourself and what your honest thoughts and feeling are.

1.What is the feeling I have when. . . this happens or doesn't happen
2. How is my body feeling when... this happens or doesn't happen?
3. What would be helpful or supportive in the future?

Any grounding practice can reduce anxiety and promote clarity on any topic or conflict. Any grounding practice can reduce anxiety and promote clarity on any topic or conflict.

If your into journaling this is helpful to just dump it all out. In addition, I've found that therapeutic art is quite affective in processing and gaining self awareness.

As far as staying in submission, it's in the presentation; the tone, and intention. For me, I like visuals. I see myself presenting ( on knees) my words on a platter. In order for the morsels to be delicious to my Dom I must choose honest, true, and helpful information. All wrapped as an offering for Him to then choose how to proceed.

Having a safe space or time to offer feedback and express your feelings is essential. When there is a lack of open communication both ways it most likely will continue and worsten. At the end of the day, we are 100% responsible for our own wellness. It's not easy to say goodbye. Its harder to keep hoping things will change.

SkyeWriter(dom female)

1 week ago • Mar 22, 2025

First and foremost, we are all people first. Any roles we assume are after that.

Therefore, I believe that there has to be some time when you are just people together--not DD/lg, not D/s, not M/s...just humans. These are the times when conversations can be had regarding how each person is feeling about the relationship--positive and negative. All of the stuff that goes with D/s roles is put to the side because if a submissive is afraid of punishment, retribution, or abandonment how can that person possibly interact honestly with their partner?

If I were someone's submissive (and I have been) and I could not step forward and say, "May I request a time for us to openly talk about our relationship?" I'd consider that a problem. Likewise, if a Dominant responded negatively to my request by refusing to schedule a time, by refusing to have the discussion, or by suggesting the need for punishment or anything of that type for bringing it up...well, that would be the last day that person would be identified as my Dominant.

No one will ever take as good care of you as you can take care of yourself. It's a hard lesson, but an important one.