Lesson of the day

Lesson of the day

SayYesMaam​(dom female) • Mar 24, 2025

Dominant is a personality trait, not a skill to be learned—no training is required. You don't need experience. You are either dominant or you are not. It is like being shy. No one teaches you that. You don’t need experience to be shy. You are either shy or you are not. You are dominant or you are not. You don't turn it on and off. It is not something that only happens in the bedroom. It will be seen in all aspects of one's life. Wearing black leather is not going to make me more dominant. I can wear pink cotton or be naked. I will still be the same person.

Steellover​(sub male) • Mar 24, 2025

I agree with that sentiment. I would argue that my submissiveness is also a personality trait....however, when people talk about "Skills" or "Experience" they may mean a couple things. One of them is, experience in being in a D/s relationship, which in my case, will mean experience in submitting to another person in a relationship context. And in a dominants case, experience in having a person in a relationship be subservient to you.

(And I am not doubting that you have such experience of course.)

The other thing is, the (for lack of a better word) "spicier" side of dominance and submission. Meaning, having experience and skills in wielding the paddle or the whip, or (from the submissive side) wearing that collar, that cage, or being on the receiving end of that paddle or whip. And again, I am not implying that every dominant type is necessarily interested in the "Spicy" side of things.

SoftSoul​(masochist female) • Mar 25, 2025

Shyness: Discovering yourself to bloom ready to evolve out of your cocoon but will take baby steps and time - with support some loving discipline with in investing in what you love. Dream , Live it , love it , be it. Just don't play with people's hearts. Gotta be more than a fantasy, more than a reality of passion n with it. Fine to be a fantasy just know it's art, not an addiction. Come with growth, not desperation. Seek respect and it will last longer.

A lot of it will come from within: inspiration, charm, reading erotica and art, created over time. Submissive and Dominance can come naturally tho because the feminine and masculine yin and yang as dark and light well it combined together all have it.


Being bottom I just have this thunder of a mindset of dominance of mindset well submissive does have mind does mean strong. Just like to have say some things if you

Like a past life looking back in time . Renaissance usage, the Italian word cortigiana, feminine of cortigiano ("courtier"), came to refer to a person who attends the court, and then to a well-educated and independent woman, eventually a trained artist or artisan of dance and singing, especially one associated with, or upper-class .





You bring someone into your world with this artfulness, and the dynamic, the erotic comes out. One who understands you on a deeper level shares that bond because you both just click.

The dynamic can be different for all but as long as you get each other have a great connection with soul share the same desires love and trust with a bond.

Yours will be whatever it is you both find that works. Become the partner you seek, romance your life and enchant, invest, make a good and secure life. Bloom and grow and flourish. Be willing to bloom.

You may have more than one role, just change roles because there is a time and place for everything and reality kicks in real life gotta do things.

It's not really about the fancy of it, how you carry it with growth, with a good attitude, with wit and securing life

Handmade love, the heart. Perfect as perfect does not exist, imperfect is real raw.


One thing is that not everyone is going to have it all together at first, more so when it's messy and unexpected when you truly find each other. But willing to grow through the madness, ugly, good bad, ride and die. Heal childhood things past and cut cords and mend but evolve together with yin and yang. Just flow with the same self care and love the same as attraction with abundance. Have peace, lose yourself, be what you want to become. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get what you wish.Do things you never did get the things you want.

I may change roles as they do. More of a full seductive poetic soft bottom but sometimes a Dominant desiring mind tentacle.
But takes Full Dom Leading head gentlemen to understand. Can't really lead to 24/7 male bottom just won't lead to anything to good be a no.

For example, everyone will be different.
I may change roles as they do. More of a full poetic soft bottom but sometimes a dominant desiring mind tentacle.

But all times motherly grace 1950s/babygirl syfy and today. One who leads both ways Full Grown leading hand Head of Household/Daddy Dom but at times be wants to go bottom mode wants a Motherly Domme with Mommy's milk wants to be disciplined and loved. Carry it well - not perfect but create happiness to make happiness art of creation bring out your features as you are with art that life brings you but never change who you are as long makes you happy be sexy for each other self and embrace it. Strong women to them and Strong Mommy.

Some men even carry items, even totems, like a pillow or a bear, just like their mommy or the women they are with are number 1 in their life. They need support and love just like us ladies do. They need after care. As long as it's not turning into an addiction, keep things in moderation. But the taboo around erotica has been around for centuries, and its art was something quiet people use to talk about. Who you being in to your world and share it with who respect it. There's nothing wrong with desires coming out of the shadows, this is something you share with your person, a bit of mystery to others. Lace or leather, whatever it is.

More of a taken hand with stability in the home with Budgeting not all high end but made well crafted things made. Not all name brands or have to the newest car vintage never goes of style and class does not ether. It's more like old money, not flashy, with an attraction because it lasts longer. You have to open more doors and it's fine to be a bit selective but take the clique stuff out. You may not find someone home down it will take distance and time but flow with peace let loss make a great friendship in to courtship allow to grow both just have to invest emotionally invested and more. Takes four seasons to get to someone.

Re: Lesson of the day

SkyeWriter​(dom female) • Mar 27, 2025

Okay, so I agree with a bit of this--and I don't agree with a lot of it.

You don't need experience--well, that's clearly true because no one is born a Dominant with a capital D.

Dominant is a personality trait, not a skill to be learned. I can't agree totally. Some people have dominant personalities--they are assertive, they are confident, they want to influence and lead, they take charge, they make decisions definitively. But there are plenty of people in the world who learn these abilities---there's assertiveness training; there are leadership classes; there are guides to learn to improve one's decision-making ability.

You may be naturally shy, but you can certainly LEARN how to step up and be less shy--and if you are very aggressive socially, you can learn to pull it back a bit so that people aren't intimidated or turned off by you.

I don't know any Dominants who are 100% on all the time--regardless of whether they would say they were born that way or whether they developed a skill set. You may consider dominance a consistent personality trait, but everyone needs down-time. Actually, many people "turn it on and off". When I'm home alone during the day and I'm writing or reading or working on a project, I'm not thinking about how dominant I am, nor am I acting in any way that someone would necessarily identify as dominant.

Even in the context of my D/s relationship, a good deal of the time I'm just me. My submissive respects me as a person first and foremost--and then as his Mistress. When we are out at a lifestyle event, when it is time for us to engage in private play, when I need/want (or he requests) a little extra headspace? I definitely give my Dominance full reign.

And for some people, it IS something that only happens in the bedroom---because that's where they want it. I do not believe that makes anyone less than anyone else. There are as many ways of doing any kind of kink as there are people doing that kink.

I DO agree that dressing in leather or latex, or making people refer to you by an honorific has ZERO to do with being a Dominant. Whether I'm dressed up in leather or lace at an event or in jeans and a t-shirt wielding a riding crop in the bedroom has nothing to do with what's happening in my head

Final note: there is a difference between dominant (small d) and Dominant (big D), and it's more than dominant being an adjective and Dominant being a noun