How to take skills learned online to real life and dealing with a bratty personality

How to take skills learned online to real life and dealing with a bratty personality

SadisticExperience​(sadist male) • May 10, 2025

I am not technically an absolute beginner, but am a beginner in being a dom in an in person relationship so I think this is the right forum.

TLDR (but please read the whole thing): I have a lot of experience with subs online before being in a relationship. Now I learned that my girlfriend is extremely submissive, but I am having trouble taking the skills I've learned online to real life, and am not completely sure how to deal with her brattiness.

For the past couple of years I have had relationships of various lengths with subs online, giving tasks, rules, etc, them completing them and reporting back to me with various levels of proof. This has given me the chance to come up with lots of different ideas for what to do and given me a great deal of experience seeing what I like and what I don't like.

Now I enter into a relationship, and pretty early on I discover she likes being choked, and I can start to tell she is naturally submissive. We have a long talk about it, what we both like, what we are both comfortable with, and we both took the BDSM test to get kind of a baseline feel of what we both like (great news as I've gotten older, my dom side has outweighed my sub side and we are quite compatible). As we've had time together to play and see what we both like this knowledge has been reinforced. However, I am struggling with a few things.

One, she is a brat, and while this is something that is fun to me, and I really like the challenge of bending her to my will, its also not something I have experience with. We have discussed safewords and everything I could think of that goes along with being safe, but she is much newer to BDSM in practice than I am (I have also had in person experiences, but as a submissive, so the dom point of view is new to me), so when she fights back or tells me no or something, I know this is her bratty personality most of the time, but I can't always be sure. And if I stop and check in, then I'm relenting a little, which isn't a problem, except then as a brat she's winning if that makes sense. So some advice on both how to deal with this specific situation, and on brats in general would be very appreciated.

Second, and I know this just comes with actually trying the new things, but the learning curve is steeper than I thought it would be. In the past when I had a sub online, I could take my time, think of new tasks, think of responses and everything, or have something more carefully planned out - not the case when I am in the same room as her actually doing these things to her. So some advice on this would also be very appreciated.

For reference here are her top BDSM test results categories (everything else is 0%)
100% Brat
100% Rope bunny
100% Submissive
91% Masochist
89% Degradee
87% Experimentalist
62% Primal (Prey)
32% Vanilla
13% Exhibitionist
11% Voyeur
9% Slave

Any other advice would be appreciated, happy to answer any questions that will help you answer mine. Thanks in advance.

dollMaker​(dom male) • May 10, 2025

You can only learn so much from books, online articles and videos, to fully get to grips with all the activity bdsm can include, bondage, impact etc you need to attend related in person education events and classes, to take you to the next level of skill, but above all safety of practice.

Amaltheas Joy​(switch female)​{Honeybadgr} • May 10, 2025

This is tricky and requires a clearly written out contract that specifically states expectations and consequences. The timing of bratting is also important to know and how is she bratting.
- is it playful bratting in that she is teasing you and you can tell that she wants you to bend her to your will?
- is she feeling neglected? Testing boundaries? What is going on?
The best way to handle it is to call it out. Acknowledge the bratting. Help her identify the why and then determine the consequence for said behavior. You cannot assume as it is risky for you and her.
Even if she wants you to put her in her place, there has to be consent. Unless you are in a CNC scene. If you are living 24/7, you have to have good communication, hence my recommendation for contracts. If you want to understand bratting, read SirsBabyDolls blogs. You will have to go back awhile but they are really good.
Every brat is unique. Often, When I brat, I am playful and testing boundaries. I do well when given a warning...if I continue, a consequence will be given. Then I am empowered to make that choice.

I hope this is helpful.

SadisticExperience​(sadist male) • May 11, 2025

Very helpful. Thank you so much. Not a 24/7 dynamic so more specifically for scenes. I have definitely noticed that when I give her a warning/an if you do a I will do b sort of thing, she tends to submit further, so definitely plan to keep that up. Going to read those bog posts now, hopefully they are informative.

Amaltheas Joy​(switch female)​{Honeybadgr} • May 11, 2025

Always willing to help! She is testing. Give her the warning and letting her know there will be a consequence. The thing is, if you say you will do it, you have to follow through. If you say "do this again and you will get 10 lashes with my belt." You best do it and you have to be serious. She needs to know you are secure and will follow through on your word. Brats brat because we are used to people breaking our trust.

SadisticExperience​(sadist male) • May 12, 2025

She told me today that she's never felt as safe with someone as she does with me and that she fully trusts me so I think we are on the right track. I read the blog - thank you again, all extremely helpful advice.