The narcissist

The narcissist

Littlebua​(sub female)​{owned} • Aug 8, 2025

Hi,

I am new to this site, and it def. is different from other sites that I have been on. I very new to the LS, but have gone down the dirty rabbit hole fast. I am a very strong brat when I get triggered. When I meet a Dom that triggers me, it doesn't take me long to see what I have in front of me. It's a narcissist. I don't throw this word around loosely. I was with one for a long time and I am well versed in all its facets.

My question, going down my path to find happiness, how has the LS helped you get past and overcome a narcissist. Also, where have you found the best support. For me, talking to other survivors has helped me.

-littlebua

xx V xx​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2025

The only way to deal with a narcissist is to call them out on their bullshit, become the sand in their crack, stand firm, once they realize you can’t be manipulated they will go and find weaker prey.

Bishop • Aug 8, 2025

I totally disagree with xx V xx, with all due respect. Dealing with a narcissist is difficult at best if your in a relationship, or can run into them face-to-face. Narcissists are masters at gaslighting, avoiding responsibility, blaming others, etc...The only way to deal with a narcissist is to block them, if you're online. Don't play their games, especially if you've been a victim of one previously. They are not easy to spot, like wolves in sheep's clothing. and anyone who claims to be able to recognize one a mile away is an idiot. Malignant narcissists present quite different than a vulnerable narcissist...you won't know what hit you. Silence, ignoring, and blocking are the best ways to deal with them. Calling out a malignant narcissist could lead to violent responses. Look up youtube videos by "Surviving narcissism," "Doctor Ramani," and especially Jordan Peterson (you may disagree with some things he says, but he knows his shit). Above all else, find a therapist who specializes in recovery from narcissism. Survivng narcissism has a support group that is pretty good. Trust therapists that have the experience and knowledge in dealing with this, not any of us on a BDSM website.
Rebuilding trust after dealing with a narcissist takes a long time. I personally think it takes a lot of self-growth, learning how to think critically, and you have to learn to trust yourself and your decision making skills again (not that I am victim blaming). I also think it's more about how you learn to navigate those triggers, finding ways to retrain your mind and emotions in responding to the triggers. I have PTSD and have had to learn how to not be some hyper-vigilant in crowded areas. We tend to get overstimulated in certain environments...reprogramming the way the mind works, if you will.

xx V xx​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2025

More gentle parenting is not the answer.
You can learn not to be hyper vigilant or you can learn to embrace it

Bishop • Aug 8, 2025

You are entitled to your opinions, but you are not entitled to your own facts. Why is it with hyper-vigilance people think it has to be either/or...how about trying both/and?

ewieya​(kinky female)​{Myself} • Aug 8, 2025

I second this. I find Dr. Ramani's videos very helpful!

Also, in general I have found it helpful to research narcissism. Not to learn to spot someone with NPD, necessarily. But to learn to spot things narcissists do - because much of what they do, I want to avoid in anyone I interact with.

Best thing to do, yes, is shut it down and get out as soon as possible. Play toxic games, get toxic prizes. Why bother? Get out. And seek loving, supportive relationships and situations.

xx V xx​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2025

How is trying both going for you.

I am in fact entitled to my own facts, because they are pulled from my life, not from some therapists mouth.

Bishop • Aug 8, 2025

Quite well, actually.
Experiences do not determine facts (objective truth). Now, can we not hijack this thread?

xx V xx​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2025

So a conversation in an open forum is hijacking?

You can be a victim for life or you can take control of your own life the choice is yours.

friendlyfire​(masochist female) • Aug 8, 2025

I think having the mindset of being a 'survivor' or victim of a Narcissist is reason why the same people continue to meet Narcissists over and over. Even now, you are giving them power and attention through this post. How disempowering it is to go through life treading so carefully, repeating yourself so vindictively, analyzing others with such scrutiny. Is it any wonder you see nothing but Narcissists. It's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy for so many you, which is why I think people need to recognize their part in the dynamic of a narcissist and an echo. You were not a passive, blameless actor - else why would the Narcissist have wanted you? Used you? Left you when you stopped giving them what they need?

Your voice.

Even now, you speak about your victimhood and to other survivors, but where is YOUR voice and YOUR future? What of people who see YOU and not your STORY about someone you don't even talk to anymore but continue to speak of and give space to? A ghost you are still giving room to haunt. How long and how much of your life are you going to echo this person you claim to have survived? It makes me question whether you did or if you are still dancing to their song. All you hear is what they've done, what they do, what they're doing....

What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?