Open dynamics

Open dynamics

Alex y​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2025

Curious for those out there in open dynamics, how you make it work. What are important things to keep in mind? How you handle your partner needing to experience the freedom sooner than you may be ready ? How you stomach conversations about what they are doing? Etc… I feel quite lost. I have done the open thing before , but put no actual effort into it. Just 2 people sleeping with everyone but each other . It’s something I have enjoyed, however I am forcing myself to be ready , when I’m not, because I don’t really have the choice if I want to remain in the D/s I am in. Any and all advice is quite welcome

gauguin​(sub male) • Oct 18, 2025

If you have romantic feelings for your partner, then 'open dynamics' can be difficult. At least it would be for me.
What can help is to establish boundaries. Whether you want to be included / informed what your partner is doing with others, or you prefer 'out of sight out of mind' approach (if that can work for you). As well, you need to be open and honest, with yourself too, about your needs. How much of your partner's time and attention you need. And do not compromise on that, because it will make you unhappy long term.

Anna Lynn​(sub female) • Oct 19, 2025

{“It’s something I have enjoyed, however I am forcing myself to be ready , when I’m not, because I don’t really have the choice if I want to remain in the D/s I am in. Any and all advice is quite welcome.”}

This part of your post is what *I* think is most important. Experience has taught me that any relationship that causes me to compromise my needs within that relationship or my morals is not healthy.
The decision to stay or go is not always easy especially when feelings are involved.
I feel that.

I would encourage you to remember that the most important relationship we will ever have is the one we have with ourselves.

Is this something you can live with and be loved in the way that you deserve to be loved, both by others and yourself?


I wish you the best.

Miss Anima​(dom female) • Oct 20, 2025

I don’t really have the choice if I want to remain in the D/s I am in. 

You do actually its called hard and soft limits !
Whatever weakness partner you have is not worthy of thier title if you're they're submissive.
You're not in a dynamic/ relationship you're stuck with a parasite using you to get what they want . You need to end things with them .

Alex y​(sub female) • Oct 20, 2025

There are romantic feelings. And they are reciprocal … I thought .. but seeing some of these responses , has me wondering if I am just justifying him with him being new to open dynamic and the D/s. Both of which I have prior but not extensive experience with.
It is painful. And he had broken boundaries , told me about it, said he can’t do boundaries… and I haven’t walked away. Because I know some of the things I was asking were unreasonable and he said he would keep things reasonable … but he denied plans with me (I have incredibly sparse free time ) to be with someone else. Spent 12 hours with her, and didn’t check in once . And can’t understand why I am beside myself . I am unsure if any of this is salvageable at this point honestly . And I don’t know that if it is, if he cares to put the work in to fix what he’s done … I’m taking my time to think this over 😒

Alex y​(sub female) • Oct 20, 2025

I tried with limits, he appeased me for a short period of time. Arguments were had because he broke a hard boundary (condoms) the first time he was with someone wince we opened . I feel like I am quick to defend him, possibly because of the dynamic , but also he’s new to D/s as well as openess. And aside from this issue that isn’t resolving , he’s taken incredibly . He is great with the consent and tailoring tasks and punishment , he does well getting to the bottom of my issues . And does well with aftercare, going over boundaries , most of the things . But it’s this issue… and I’m not sure why we can’t get eye to eye with it. But I know I do love him and if there is a way to salvage , I want to… I am incredibly unsure if he would be willing to put forth the work to do so, he doesn’t like a threat to his freedom

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2025

I keep it simple with my partners. It stays equal. Meaning none has more than 1 other partner till all have the same count. Luckily I keep finding cute bisexual women that just want me and some female persuasion.

Alex y​(sub female) • Oct 21, 2025

I have been seeing other men. But I keep it short sweet and to the point . They are all aware of what I have going on and respectful of it. … I have no idea what he’s doing with them… for 12 hours . When it was a day I had off . (I don’t get many at all). Neither of us are talking at the moment. I told him I needed a day, he didn’t do so much as check in. I’m sick of the circus

JaredMayer​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2025

Have to agree with others here that it doesn't sound healthy for you to be in this kind of relationship, at least with this person. He's not respecting your boundaries or your feelings (you don't have to understand someone's feelings to respect them), and that's a pretty big red flag.

He's telling you who he is: He can't do boundaries when they conflict with his own desires, and he doesn't really care how you feel about it. Believe him.

In my opinion, unless one partner is getting off on being emotionally cucked, an open relationship requires compersion. Compersion is the experience of happiness at the happiness of others. Without it, there's too much risk of bitterness and resentment.

Miss Anima​(dom female) • Oct 21, 2025

He isnt great with consent he broke a hard limit
You're defending him because you're most likely trauma bonded to him .
No excuse for him or anyone being new
If he is like this in the lifestyle he is like this in vanilla world but hides it better.