How do you navigate establishing trust in a new dynamic/relationship?

How do you navigate establishing trust in a new dynamic/relationship?

subtlecyn​(sub female) • Dec 16, 2025

I find trust challenging when starting a new dynamic or simply trying to vet people in consideration.
Especially if the chemistry and the kinks align.
Any advice for how to approach developing this-- and particularly online and long-distance as often we don't find people locally.

K y i v​{Walking} • Dec 16, 2025

Time equals trust.
Vetting verifies it.

With today's resources vetting is free and easy.

subtlecyn​(sub female) • Dec 16, 2025

Which resources are you referring to?

K y i v​{Walking} • Dec 16, 2025

Linked in, Facebook, Twitter... X... People have their whole life there to see.

House Talion​(dom male) • Dec 16, 2025

Chat on site for a while before anywhere else.
Chat elsewhere for a while before meeting publicly.
Make them take the time needed for you to know each other well.

subtlecyn​(sub female) • Dec 16, 2025

Thank you both for your input.

Lechelle​(sub female)​{No} • Dec 17, 2025

Get to know each other first online, look through his social media, before meeting in real life. Then get to know them in real life. That is what I did with my Master and come May 12th we will have been together for 4 years. Go your own pace and don’t rush anything

NarahPrimal​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2025

Vet Vet Vet
Learn each other inside out from our normal vanilla worlds to the lifestyle.
Trust is built over time

tallslenderguy​(kinky male) • Dec 17, 2025

i look for things like humility and openness, willingness to be vulnerable. Listening to our "gut." Which i consider to be the signals our brain has developed, often unconscious, to protect us. i don't think our gut should necessarily dictate our actions or responses, but i think it should be included in the assessment.

i derive trust faster with a person who has obvious self knowledge beyond the generic, is articulate and voluntaily willing to risk disclosure. Not talking about wearing ones heart on their sleeve. But if the stated goal is intimate relationship, i believe there has to be a balance of disclosure. Guys (i'm gay) who ask a lot of questions, or who want me to carry the conversation, raise red flags for me. If i have to pull teeth, or always take the lead when it comes to risking self disclosure, i become way more cautious.

i'm pretty used to taking the lead when it comes to openness and self disclosure. i understand the risks and am willing to take them in an attempt to find people who want relationship on a deeper level. Someone has to go first. But if i'm always going first, or the other person does not respond in kind, to me that's a sign they either unaware or do not know how to self disclose, are too afraid, or way to often online, are phishing.

i'm measured about my own self disclosure. As others mention, trust takes time, but to me, time often relates to quantity. i think trust also takes quality. What is the form and quality of ones sharing of self?

subtlecyn​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2025

Thank you for this thoughtful response.