The economics of interaction.

Rather than make this a blog post, I figured posting it as a discussion on the forum would make more sense. Since my inquiry into this started as a conversation with someone else.

The thought is this: To what degree should personal economics influence our participation in communities like this?

While speaking to a friend who is loosely involved in the overall BDSM community, she brought up the concern that she and many potential suitors haven't been able to meet or do certain things together due to the effects of the current American economy on their wallets.

I'm sure there are people with various situations that make meeting others (especially in different states or countries) difficult. And it can feel limiting to how you can participate in the community. I've even had a couple people tell me that they've altogether stopped talking to people as there's no room to actually meet people given certain financial demands.

This obviously isnt exclusive to BDSM. If you can't swing it, you cant do much of anything in general. But I'm asking here because you folks seem pretty inventive with your social issues.

Aside from the obvious solution of "just make more money", how have you guys overcome limitations like this?

This is an age old question to me.

Back in the day, on a whole other lifestyle website that no longer exists, someone asked how personal economics affected if one was a Dom/me or not. Their proposal was if a person was not a "real" money maker, then they simply could not be a "real" Dom/me.

Course this is a real pile of steaming elephant shit.

Being a leader has nothing to do with money. It has to do with character. It has to do with the ability to communicate. It has to do with protecting what is yours.

That is what the lifestyle is really about. Money just means toys, fancy leathers, doing things easy so you don't have to work so hard at the sex. But there are way to do all that with limited funds.

Trust me, I know. I've been there.

So if money gets tight, get creative. So you won't get to go to the big events where S&M really means Stand & Model. Learn to make your own toys or, better still, toughen up those hands for a smacking. The American Economy sucks and is only going to get worse in the months coming.

But there are ways around it all.

Economics is different for everyone. My Dom & I are in a Femdom marriage, so often we have had to put a lot of focus on financies instead of our Femdom lifestyle. The trick is to learn how to blend BDSM & vanilla life responsibilities.

We were blue collar low income workers our entire life. We became debt free before years before retirement - I retired earnimg less than $15 per hour in 2015. The key is to simply "keep more than you spend". We did have some help. A local business owner invited us to join an organization (non kink) which through the years allowed us to meet and learn simple money principles from others we spent 1 on 1 time with - millionaires, national celebrities, and others.

This helped our BDSM lifestyle because it took pressure off and allowed us to truly enjoy our Femdom life. We met swinger club owners, other erotic business people, and a couple from The Playboy Channel who have their own TV & radio show.

My point is, we listened and learned, were willing to make mistakes, and followed the simple things that much more financially successful people do. Taking pressure off yourself and your relationship will will be an unbelieveable benefit. BUT, it takes time & work - don't expect overnight results. It will allow you to travel to meet anyone you have an interest in - focus on pepole close to home until you can afford to travel.

Good day.

Great question and it applies to life, not just "the lifestyle". The bottom line up front: don't over-extend and learn to prioritize. Save money much like the response above.

If you meet someone and like them, don't over-extend yourself and find ways to make it work. Planning ahead to purchase the cheaper tickets, use alternative methods of travel (trains are pretty cool in lieu of airlines - might take longer but often worth the effort), and schedule to make the most use of your time traveling and together. Don't go for the high end restaurant and don't try to wow your partner with oysters Rockefeller if you can barely afford steamed clams. Simply planning the trips out in advance or even agreeing to meet in the middle if the distance is great saves all parties.

Also, if you have a "local" budget, trying to coordinate internationally probably isn't your gig. Look closer to home.

Since it was brought up in discussion above, although in base merit I may agree with the notion that money does not make the Dom/me, I would point out that if the prospective individual does not have a good majority of their economic well-being in place, how much more of their life is completely out of order and limits their ability to properly "Dom" as it were? This doesn't mean the Dom needs to provide for everything - in fact in the initial meetings, it should be split between the two parties or split as the two parties see fit. But if the Dominant isn't in a position to at least cover their own rent monthly, I'd argue they probably aren't managing their own lives adequately to want to manage anyone else. A Dominant definitely doesn't have to be a billionaire nor even a millionaire, but I've seen a self-proclaimed dominant who was looking for a sugar-mama to provide shelter, food, money so that he could provide his "twue" dominance. He definitely didn't have any of his act together, especially finances. And I would say he isn't a Dominant.

You can be a Dominant on limited funds - but you do have to have enough to at least manage your own life.

Truemasterkai - Didn't check your profile before my earlier post. We're a former New York state couple. Lived our entire lives south of Bufffalo. Our yearly erotic event was in Rochester, but has relocated to Auburn.